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Unwanted break up, everything going so fast!
Asked Oct 30, 2008, 02:06 AM
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37 Answers Here I was, months away from the 3 year anniversary mark. I realise the signs in retrospect, but not at the time. Then bang! The break up. My girlfriend "broke it off" essentially over the phone before we saw each other on her 21st birthday. He family were shocked. She had already planned a trip interstate I soon found out. After 1 week of little contact, she returns from the holiday and the first thing she says is it didn't feel right because I wasn't there. Turns out she met up with someone, had planned it and slept with them twice. Exactly 1.5 weeks after we broke up. THe guy was already flirting and seducing her before we broke up. Now she's back, he's interstate and we STILL can't talk. I'm trying to reach out to her so badly but she just doesn't seem to listen. She tries so hard to avoid questions. Making herself sick, mixing words, answering certain quiestions etc. I had to find out EVERYTHING by spying. It's stressed me to the point where I'm now seeing a counselor. The thing is, I still want her. I toss up the positives and negatives and I want her back. I can't understand how she can move on. Here she is days after returning from her holiday and she's very ill. Who was there to take her to the hospital? Me. Did she appreciate it? No doubt, she gave me a gentle kiss and later said she felt something. But when I keep asking her about talking about us, or her new "boyfriend" (she keeps claiming she has no feelings for him so far and doesn't love him and that MAYBE she wants him there as more than a friend) she is unsure. Yet despite this, she is still considering moving interstate to live with him (he's 15 years older than her), she's considering a job he's offered her and no-one even knows but her and a family member. What on Earth do I do? I know people will tell me to avoid the depression and I'm trying but I just can't do it. Hence the counselor. But her mixed answers, actions, what do I do? She obviously wants me as a close friend, but I feel betrayed and walked on right now. But I still want her back. She has no future with this person. Moving interstate a month after meeting them? IT took us over a year to consider moving out. Unfortunately we couldn't afford it. Right now he is here to visit her in hospital sick, so I'm not visiting till he's back interstate. I also allude to absolute no-contact and she tries to reinforce that she'll talk to me soon. Could use some advice. Keep in mind, I want to recover our relationship, it was so perfect and I should have seen how my recent behaviour could cause it to end. I should also have seen the signs. But that was then, this is now. Now I need to get things back on track. |
37 Answers
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| Dean, I have the same problem but in reverse and for some reason the older person wins perhaps because she feels more secure with the older bloke. I keep texting my ex to let her who I still love her but no reply. It feels desperate texting her saying I still love her and want her bad but eventually I'll have to move on I can't help texting her because I still think I love her so much and can't see where I went wrong so your not along. And good luck with the girl! Rob | ||||
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This older guy only got her so fast because he offered the things for why we broke up. He can offer her a house, her job, a change of scenery and he sweet talked her right at her most vulnerable time. She honestly feels that I was going to dump her first and run off and hated her so much. She is surprised when we talk lately about kids and the future. It's as if she never realised how much I cared. But she just can't decide if she's made the right or wrong decision and if she's on the right path right now. I keep talking and she replies. She definitely appreciates me as a friend. Even if it's hard to interpret right now while being an emotional wreck in hospital (she's had so many illnesses lately). But I don't know what this guy is to her. She said she felt she begged me for sex (even though I completely disagree, maybe the past few weeks before break up but I was working so much and not around her). But the thing is, no-one else can talk to her about it. No-one knows she's with an older person, her family certainly won't approve being the traditional Europeans they are. And her future? How can she be certain? She's interstate, without her closest friends (me and her best girl friend), with someone she's known a couple months... Very silly and she needs to see it. | ||||
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| Mines the same the friend bit doesn't do it for me, what have I done wrong you know, now I'm left with our Son Jonny. She just wants us to be friends but she wants me there with her But she only talks when her boyfriends not around he's a bad Influence on her. But they already had there own child before kelly met me and maybe that's what holding her back. Find out what she likes doing then offer her chances to go with you by saying would you like to do this today. See what happens best of luck! Maybe you could make out you still want to be friends but build it up again so you get her trust back for you. | ||||
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| I think your still missing the point... She went off and had sex with another guy a week after you broke up. If that does not say " I don't care " I don't know what does, it's a downright slap in the face after 3 years. Does she OWE it to you to not sleep with anyone for at least a few weeks godforbid... The answer is no but any person that had any consideration for you would wait awhile. I'm sure she had her justifying reasons ( she was lonely, trying to fill the gap blah blah blah.) and at least she broke up with you and did not cheat on you so I guess I have to give her some credit. So you need to decide if it's REALLY worth it to you. Your situation already means that she is looking for "greener grass" and unless your willing to change for that your only prolonging what could be already over and done with. Don't just remember the awesome things about her remember all the S#&T she has put you through take the bad and the good level your head some and decide if you even truly want her back. Because if you do get back together with her somehow you will have to worry about this other guy for awhile and it WILL be a lot of work for both of you. Even then you HAVE to let her come to you. Try not to contact her too much and let her think about it some to, just back off for the time being. | ||||
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Also why do you think she has not told her family? Maybe because she might know at some level that it could be one of those "too good to be true" things and her telling her family will only make her have to take in their responses and possibly shattering this dream she is trying to hold on to and believe in. | ||||
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| She will wake up one day and realize this. You have to decide on if your going to be around when she does come to her senses... Hell maybe even leak it to somebody in the family. but hey try not to cry over spilt milk. There also comes a point in life where you have to stop living in a fantasy and realize that running away with a someone twice your age might not work out so well. There will be massive differences in their lifestyles and the different paces of eachothers life might drive them up wall faster than you think once the initial attraction is over. | ||||
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A friend of mine has a fantastic quote about it, something he picked up while being a police officer: "You've done the wrong thing, but I can help you if you are honest to me and yourself. But if you f-- me over, I'll charge you with every bloody thing I can". Quote:
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| Okay Guys, Dean and Rob, here is the thing we are all going through this at the same time but mine did not leave with someone older but there is an older gentleman in the picture that she use to see. This is going to be a hard pill to swallow but leave the women alone. Don't call text email anything if they do any of these to you just reply politely and short. They choose already and are keeping you all on the back burners because of comfort or something. You all must realize that you are better than that and that life does go on. Just hang in there and let the fantasies about how perfect the relationship was and then really think about it. It takes a lot of time. Remember there are billions of women out there and some who will love you and only you. Good Luck and God Bless | ||||
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