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Hi, As I've posted in my last thread, my ex and I have been broken up a month and a half. He has been seeing this other girl, well, hooking up with her I don't know to what extent they have a relationship connection/ commitment.
Yesterday I received a text saying, "So I hear your new bf is hitting it, he must be pretty smooth". It was quite rude, and I don't have another bf, and I'm not hooking up with anyone. If anything, he might have saw new pictures of me with guys, but nothing to make anyone think I had a boyfriend.
I have had no contact for nine days, and I didn't respond to the text. I want him back, but everytime I've tried to see him, he says "no" and that "it wouldn't do any good". We went out three years.
What does this text mean? Is he jealous? Is this indicitive of feelings? Please, any advice. I know I'm obssessing a little, but I'd love to get peoples takes on this. Thank you!
There are two ways in my opinion of looking at this. He maybe jealous and is wondering if you are actually seeing anyone due to what he has heard or for example the photos that you have. If he sees you happy he may get jealous and see that you are strong and not bothering. Another possibility is he could be hoping you are seeing someone else so that he doesnt look like the bad one when seeing another girl, this I relate to my situation, but he is the one who has the answers to his motives. You are correct in making no contact, im doing the same and it is so hard but ive learned contacting the ex does not do any good and just highlights again that they are not interested. If you do no contact you will get used to it and deal with it better through time, they may contact you again but dont hold all your hope on this.
thank you, good insights. Im a very analytical person, so I can't help my wondering. Either way, I feel superior in not engaging him with the luxury of my response! Haha a small and humble victory of my many defeats in this sick game.
I do look happy and not bothered on my webpages. Is jealousy the seed of maybe a little regret here? I know he can't possibly respect this new girl, she really doesn't compare to me intellectually and physically, but she's satisfying his need for an easy lay perhaps. ER.
What is the function of jealousy? Any thoughts on what jealously truely means, coming from someone who told me he was ready to move on? You have to be involved with feelings for someone to have jealousy, right? Discussions on this?
thank you, good insights. Im a very analytical person, so I can't help my wondering. Either way, I feel superior in not engaging him with the luxury of my response! Haha a small and humble victory of my many defeats in this sick game.
I do look happy and not bothered on my webpages. Is jealousy the seed of maybe a little regret here? I know he can't possibly respect this new girl, she really doesn't compare to me intellectually and physically, but she's satisfying his need for an easy lay perhaps. ER.
What is the function of jealousy? Any thoughts on what jealously truely means, coming from someone who told me he was ready to move on? You have to be involved with feelings for someone to have jealousy, right? Discussions on this?
I admit im a jealous person myself. The girl i was seeing finished with me and I dont get her attention anymore and this gets me jealous as some other guy is now. Its not healthy feeling this way and I hate feeling like it but its very hard to control on my part. If i didnt have any feelings towards her then yeah i wouldnt be jealous so i see your point. He could regret it but if he does then he will contact you, if you contact him believe me your wasting your time u will just get hurt and he will say again he aint interested.
Its unhealthy the whole thing with ex's. Leads you down this dark route of over analyzing. I can honestly say looking back over the past four months that Ive never done as much as I have in my life since the breakup. Ive seen allot and have experienced allot, it really gave me a kick up the the breakup. I had allot of hobbies before the break up and there still going strong
On a side note I believe jealousy is an off throw of being insecure in yourself.
The best thing which has helped me move on is planning good things to look forward to. I have two festivals coming up, many bands I am seeing, I am going away on short holidays and week long holidays. Life doesn't seem so bad when you have things to look forward to. Smile for now and stop worrying about jealousy and ex's and bla bla. Go exercise and meet some HOT guys in the gym and sauna
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missbeach123
What is the function of jealousy? Any thoughts on what jealously truely means, coming from someone who told me he was ready to move on? You have to be involved with feelings for someone to have jealousy, right? Discussions on this?
Jealousy comes from fear.
Fear of inadequacy, fear of not meeting the expectations, fear of being less attractive than the competition, fear of being rejected. Jealousy is a complex emotion and is often driven by insecurity but is also often based on false perception of a situation. Sometimes people look for faults in themselves and try to find things that are not there. Deep routed insecurity and the jealous personality can stem from early childhood experiences of rejection. Everyone gets Jealous from time to time, it is a normal emotion, but the green eyed monster can become destructive and the severity of this powerful emotion if severe should be treated with counseling (in my opinion).
It is true that in a relationship, often there would have to be feelings there for jealousy to develop but not always. There are different reasons for jealousy and as I said above, it is a complex emotion and the feeling can come from within. I believe that a certain level of jealousy in a relationship can be healthy but there is a very fine line between what is healthy and what isn't.
Back to your situation. Your ex could be fooling you into replying by creating a random suggestion of what he assumes is happening. He could want to know if you are seeing someone, so he makes you think that he knows you are seeing someone (even though you are not) He sees pictures of you with another man, he wants to know if you are seeing someone and if so, what the replacement is like, as he says here "So I hear your new bf is hitting it, he must be pretty smooth". He doesn't know you are seeing someone, so he plays this by creating a one liner making you think he knows what is happening. The purpose of this would be to get a reply from you which confirms his assumptions or not and to possibly see what the replacement is like. Maybe he is curious that you are moving on, that you don't care.
I could be wrong and that is just an idea....Only he knows his motives for sending you that text, but I agree that it is rude regardless.
I would not bother replying...No Contact is best for you.
Well ther is two reasons he would send a tezt like that!!!!
Firstly he definately has no idea what your up to but geez he wants to know and figures bysending that message you will replywith somethinglike, what are you talkingabout ive got noone or you can say yes. Either way he pretty much has seenthe pics and is wondering and maybe thinkinghe mightwant to get you back becauseyour moving on.
The second reason im sorry to sayis also themost likely he has a new girl he knows your still keen on him and you are floating around and he prettymuch justwants tocheck in to see if his reserve girk=l still watshim. He is prbbly hoping you call and say ut i want you and h willl say yeah no hope.
In the end it does not matter why he messagedyou that for the real reason he messaged is because he is curious of what you are up to in your life and it is probably eating him up he wants to know what your doing and the less you tell himte more he will want to know!!!! definately hope you havent replied caus if you think about it whatever yo reply what will it get you either way there is no answer the best answer you can give him is to say nothing and i guarantee h will ring you or send you anoher message soon thats for sur e, I believe his starting to get keen and if you want another shot you need the cntrok and your sowly getting it by pushing him away.
f he rings dont answer and if you must talk tell him yourve got a few options at the moment and youweighinghings up then say have fun bye!!!!
He is probably been trying to find out what is going on your life. I would definitely ignore the email but if you have the urge to reply I would tell him to leave you alone. This may make him more jeoulous because he knows that you are no longer interested (even if you really are) don't let him know that you still like him because he is playing games and if you tell him that you want to get back with him he will say no but just play hard to get and leave him alone and see what happens then. He may eventually want back in your life if you ignore him, just because he is jeoulous but in all honesty do you really want to be with a guy like that?!?
Wow lots of great insights. I most certainly will not reply, I ALMOST did but stopped myself. My hopes is that me not responding truely BUGS him and naws at him until he comes to believe maybe Im gone. He's stubborn though,, and he's locking it up with new girl (excuse my crudeness) so I bet he won't be calling me. Uh Im starting to despise him. Im having a revelation right this very second. He's getting with a girl half my quality, maybe thats what he needs.
JUST REMEMBER ONE THING HE IS MISSING YOU PEOPLE DO NOT not not not MESSAGE YOU IF THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED. oNLY OCCASIONALLY SOME PEOPLE JUST WANT TO CHECK IN BUT YOU WILL FIND THIS WILL USUALLY BE THE PEOPLE WHO GOT DUMPED AND MOVED ON AND ARE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE NEW ANDTHE MESSAGE THE PERSON TO SHOW THEY MOVED ON TO SOMEONE BETTER.
Your situation here he is definately wondering what your doing he is probably sitting there now waiting hoping dreaming of a reply. He wouldnt message unless he was thinking abot you GEEEZ you wouldnt message some guy you didnt give a about would you
THINK ABOUT THIS YOU MESSAGE WHEN YOU CARE AND WONDER OR ELSE YOU WOULDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT MESSAGING!!!!
DO NOT MESSAGE BACK HE WILL MESSAGE AGAIN AND NEXT TIME IT WILL PROBLY BE MORE LIKE "Hay babe you wanna catch up some time!!!!"
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