How do I become comfortable around girls I like enough to be able to ask them out? I feel paranoid around them and don't know what to do. I need serious help!!!

wallabee4

If you were a girl, would YOU go out with YOU? If so, WHY? If not, WHY NOT?
Weird question, yes, but here's the gist: Focus less on the girls and more on YOU. Yes, that is hard but spend some quiet time alone and maybe make a list for yourself of what you really like to do, what makes you YOU, what defines you, what you haven't done but would like to do (I don't mean 'get a girlfriend') and then DO those things. At the same time, maybe make a list of your bad habit (like watch TV and eat when you're bored. or maybe smoking or something else you can really take a hard look at yourself and make the decision today to get rid of those bad habits once and for all. REPLACE them with another better habit (you decide what) Then work on excelling at those things that make you YOU. Just do it for one day. Then wake up the NEXT day and just do it for ONE day. then the next. Eventually you will be having so much fun simply enjoying your life that you won't keep focussing on getting a girl and then you will be surprised how the girls come to you. But, it's NOT magic. 2 more things you need to do are: 1. decide every time you walk into a new group of people who are already interacting without you that you will just choose the first person you see (male or female) and say, "Hi, my name is ___. What's your name?" Let's say it's a guy named Steve. Thereafter you say something like, "Steve, followed by a question" For instance, if you've come into a group of guys skate boarding, you say Steve, I don't know much about skateboarding can you tell me how I'd get started?" Or maybe you've come upon a political rally with a speaker on the podium, you could say, "Steve, I just got here, would you mind filling me in on what he has said so far?" The key is find out the person's name, repeat it in a sentence so you remember it, and then ask them about something that obviously interests them. (People--even girls--love to talk about themselves.) The next key is listening and actually being interested in the person. Don't be fake, tho. But take an interest in other people and later you will be surprised as they turn around and take an interest in you. Maybe Steve tells you about skateboarding and you say, "Hey, thanks a lot. You know, I don't know skateboarding, but I do karate, do you do any karate?" and Steve might say, no, but maybe he'd ask you about karate.

I think if you imagine such a scenario with a male friend it's probably easy for you to see how t he conversation just happens. In truth, the same conversation can happen with a female, too. It's all up to you. Attitude and confidence begins with knowing YOU are interesting and that YOU have something to share with another person--be it a listening ear or your many personal talents

s_cianci

Confidence is key. Be able to love yourself and accept yourself just the way you are. Don't feel like you have to go out of your way for them or be something you're not. And don't ever do something that's not normally in your nature just because you think it'll please them.

Death_Maniac

thanx guys, i read this when i could and thought about it an tryed to change my ac;sortof it worked but kind of left me even more confused.I need to figure out a way to make myself feel accepted. Any tips?

raggablue

are you a dale carnegie fan by any chance wallabe? wise words and it works 4 out of 5 times you'll get along just talking about them...but with the 5th you get slapped

tylkrn

all you need to do is act like yourself. if they dont like you for who you are then they arent worth it. you are you and you shouldnt have to change yourself for anyone. i have been in a similar stitution but im a female and they are males.

wallabee4

I'll try to give you a real life example of what I mean.
I WAS exactly where YOU Are now. In fact, probably worse, as my entire family life was anti-social. My first real break to make my own life happy was when I went away to college and I failed completely. I tried to be something I wasn't. I wasn't taking any real risks, I was just doing what everyone else was doing and trying to FIT IN. When I graduated and realized I'd wasted that 4 years of my life, too, I got a job and my own apartment and then tried AGAIN. When you are all alone in your own apartment I guess it can actually be easier--but I'm not saying YOU have to wait THAT LONG. You can learn from my mistakes. The effort I was able to make on my own was different from being influenced by what I saw around me at school. When I just sat all by myeslf and thought about what do I WANT in life--what will make me happy--I didn't just answer it with: Friends or a boyfriend. I realized that to be happy I wanted to be strong, fit, and I wanted to feel important. I started out by taking up running. Nobody guided me, nobody saw me do it. It was a satisfaction solely for MYSELF. I started out not being able to run even one mile. But I set goals for myself, and my 1st goal was THAT MILE. After I made that goal, I set another. 2 MILES. Then the 'high' I got off of being happy with my own accomplishments kinda fueled my next steps. (So, I'd say, first off, what GOALS are you setting for yourself? And are they goals that YOU have the power to make happen, or are you relying upon OTHER people and what they do or don't do for YOUR happiness? Tell us your goals!) I decided to walk right up to my local volunteer firehouse and join. I did. I was scared, and certainly did NOT fit in. (I'm a girl) But I was eager simply to learn. I didn't go at it wanting to make new friends I wanted really to learn how to become a firefighter. I became VERY GOOD at listening so I could be of some real help at a scene, not standing around not knowing what to do. THAT, I realized was the next big thing: listening. Because, frankly I (and you now) both have a lot to learn. And it sure helps to LISTEN. I made a LOT of effort. It wasn't easy. But, again, setting goals for myself made me stick with it. Maybe if someone had told me you HAVE to do this I wouldn't have. But I was driving myself because I really wanted it. Then my own wanting it just naturally helped me form friendships. And once you have friendships, relationships just become a natural part of that process. Nobody wants to be alone (remember Tom Hanks with 'Wilson' in the movie Castaway?) Another thing I noticed about myself was that when I was in colege trying to be what I really wasn't, I was often critical of things--tv shows, waitresses, people in line ahead of me. That turned off a lot of people--even the few friends I had made there suddenly told me they didn't want to be my friends anymore because of how I was. that was a wake up call... I realized I was criticizing others the way I felt the world was critical and unaccepting of me. But When I got comfortable with myself I noticed I was more accepting of others, too. I felt accepted and now I was also more accepting. I would think that the paranoia you feel is really just your own perspective. What do YOU REALLY THINK about YOURSELF? If you feel unworthy of a girlfriend, then fix that first. I know it's not what you want to hear, but a lifetime of happiness awaits the sooner you get started.

wallabee4

I just re-read my answer and I've decided that it may have helped me, but it probably didn't help YOU, Death_maniac. So, help me help YOU. Tell me:

what are 3 things you are really good at (not including being really good at being uncomfortable around girls)
what is 1 thing you would list as a shortcoming in yourself? (not including being uncomfortable around girls)
what is 1 thing you don't know how to do that you would really like to learn how to do?(other than talk to girls)

From that, let me chat with you and give you more specific direction.

EuRa

Wallabee is giving awesome advice. I can't touch that.

One thing I did, was I found a girl that was above and beyond me. I didn't really like her, but she was amazingly attractive. I knew i was going to be rejected, so that's why i asked her out. She looked at me, smiled, even rolled her eyes a little, looked around, then asked "are you serious?" I smiled back, and nerviously i said "only if you say yes". she laughed, she said "noooo.. noooo im sorry", a pause, then she said "thats funny though". I responded "i tried", and that was it. After my first rejection, it wasn't so bad.

After that, I wasn't afraid of rejection again. I'm sure it's happened a lot, but I've also had a great deal of success once I lost that fear of rejection.

Death_Maniac

for walla:
1)Helping people with problems of life, living up to being a psychiatrist, and P.E. (sports)
2)whats a shortcoming?
3)speak other languages (french, arabic, and danish)