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Green Elephant · Jan 26, 2009, 11:17 PM

I enjoy beer. I never get to the point of getting buzzed, and I've agreed with my girlfriend that I'd only have one beer when I go out with friends.

Recently we had an argument when I told my girlfriend that me and a couple friends will probably go to a bar on Monday nights for a beer and talk. Her first question was: "Well what happens when your friends want to have a beer later in the week?" to which I responded: "Then i'll probably have a beer with them".

Now I'm at a place where I feel me having two beers a week is not an issue whatsoever. I drink very responsibly (how can you not after having only ONE beer?)

I feel two responsible beers a week is not an issue whatsoever, but she just doesn't like it, so I'm just supposed to stop?

If I was out getting drunk all the time, I would completely understand the issue, but I feel she has no ground telling me that 2 beers a week is an issue. How do I talk to her about this??

starbuck8 · Jan 26, 2009, 11:31 PM

Have you asked her the reason she thinks just two beer a week is bad? This seems more than reasonable to me. I'm assuming since you are able to get into a bar, that you are of age. Has she maybe got more of an issue of you going out with your buddies, or how your buddies behave when you're out at the bar? I'm getting that sense. Has she had trust issues with you before? Unless there are further details, or communication problems, this seems like it should be a non-issue! She needs to learn to pick her battles, and this sure doesn't sound like one of them.

Edit: Has she had problems with past boyfriends or someone in her family that drank a lot?

Nestorian · Jan 26, 2009, 11:39 PM

I agree with the other person that posted previously. It could be that she has issues with Alcohol ingeneral. Like an abusive parent, lost a friend to drunk driver, etc.

There is more to the situation then I can see, but I would advise you to try talking to her, ask her why she doesn't like you drinking 2 beer a week. Maybe work a compramise, where you go to the gym for "x" amount of time, and the reward for that is the healthy thing, but also some time with the boys. If it's a time spent with her kind of thing, try to be understanding. LIsten to her needs, and find a way to make it work.

Good luck.

Green Elephant · Jan 26, 2009, 11:40 PM

She is also friends with whom I have a beer with. They also only drink one, and we sit and catch up with each other. She makes me feel like if I want our relationship to work, then I have to stop my two beers a week. I've never had a drinking issue whatsoever, but for some reason, she doesn't like that I have ONE beer with my friends once or twice a week, so I have to argue with her every time I go out.

I tell where I'll be, and text her at least every half hour. I can't get through to her that's its not an issue to me, but she makes turns it into huge arguments every time I go have one beer with my friends.

Nestorian · Jan 26, 2009, 11:42 PM

You have to sit her down and talk to her dude. We can't really give you anything that will help you, especailly since we know nothing of her reasons.

Maybe try counseling...

Peace be with you.

Nestorian · Jan 26, 2009, 11:46 PM

P.S. Maybe look up the facts of alcohol.

Effects At Specific B.A.C. Levels
The effects of alcohol intoxication are greatly influenced by individual variations among users. Some users may become intoxicated at a much lower Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC) level than is shown.

0.02-0.03 BAC: No loss of coordination, slight euphoria and loss of shyness. Depressant effects are not apparent. Mildly relaxed and maybe a little lightheaded.

0.04-0.06 BAC: Feeling of well-being, relaxation, lower inhibitions, sensation of warmth. Euphoria. Some minor impairment of reasoning and memory, lowering of caution. Your behavior may become exaggerated and emotions intensified (Good emotions are better, bad emotions are worse)

starbuck8 · Jan 26, 2009, 11:48 PM

There HAS to be a reason that this is such an issue with her. Has she always told you what to do? Do you stand up for yourself? She seems controlling to me. Is she like this in other area's?

Green Elephant · Jan 26, 2009, 11:54 PM

She has shown me the blood/alcohol content, which is why I agreed to having only one when I'm out. I've even drank one beer with her to show her that I am not different. I've NEVER had an alcohol problem, and I don't even enjoy getting buzzed.

I love this girl so much, and she's not a controlling person, but when it comes to me drinking two beers a week, she just makes it a huge issue to where I can't even enjoy drinking a beer with my friends because I have to argue with her later.

I tell her she should be thankful that I don't ever get drunk. I 21 and enjoy a beer with my friends once a week

starbuck8 · Jan 27, 2009, 12:08 AM

Here is a link from the Mayo Clinic. I don't know if you've ever heard of Dr. Oz? He is on Oprah on almost a weekly basis, and is a world renowned physician and surgeon. I remember not long ago talking about the health benefits of beer and red wine. Of course sitting and drinking a six pack everyday is going to be bad, but I recall him saying that 1 or 2 beer or wine a day is actually beneficial. Here is the link to the Mayo Clinic, which I'm sure you've heard does extensive research and is very reputable. Maybe if you showed your girlfriend this link, she wouldn't be so concerned with you having a couple drinks a week with the guys.

Alcohol use: Why moderation is key - MayoClinic.com

SimpleguyJoe · Jan 27, 2009, 12:21 AM

This is your girlfriend NOT your wife... She should not have this much control over what you do in your life, even in a serious setting of 1-2 years of dating. This looks like it could be the tip of the iceburg so to speak about what the real problem is? Is she insecure? Controlling in any other situations whatsoever? Because honestly it's just a beer or two a week for the mere enjoyment of catching up with friends. You also have no problems with drinking in excess, so I just don't get what would make her so upset from this. Anyway it's your choice on what you want to do with your time. You have already made compromises and it does not look like you can do much more without letting her step on you in this situation.

starbuck8 · Jan 27, 2009, 12:22 AM

I just read through this. I was not aware of the benefits. This is from the American Medical Association. Good to know! Tell her you're dying to go out for a beer! Sorry, lol.

Alcohol And Health

Green Elephant · Jan 27, 2009, 12:25 AM

Wow, great facts on those links, thanks again

starbuck8 · Jan 27, 2009, 12:30 AM

No problem! You need to get out a few hrs a week with the guys dude! If you are with her all of the time, that is going to get old really quick.---for both of you! You need time apart with your friends! It's healthy and necessary!

slapshot_oi · Jan 27, 2009, 06:13 AM

Originally Posted by Green Elephant

If i was out getting drunk all the time, i would completely understand the issue, but i feel she has no ground telling me that 2 beers a week is an issue. How do I talk to her about this???

You're right, she has no right to limit you, certainly to that extreme. Don't even bother talking to her about it, she probably has an arsenal of comebacks ready unleash as soon as you give her a single excuse explaining why two beers is okay.

Go out and have a ball without her.

She's not showing you respect and clearly she doesn't trust you--you have to text her every thirty minutes? You got to be your own man; you have no obligation to her.

neverme · Jan 27, 2009, 06:21 AM

She doesn't have the right or ability to control you or curtail your drinking, only you do. Whether she's your girlfriend OR your wife.

You obviously care about her or you wouldn't be here asking for advice.. so talk to her and really listen. Sometimes with issues like this she may not even realise where the issue stems from.

Remember that a relationship is about compromise. You both need to feel comfortable with the outcome. If you feel you have no reason to change your behaviour then don't, you will only end up resenting her.

Best of Luck.

talaniman · Jan 27, 2009, 06:40 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...it-301138.html

No drinking, no smoking! That's what kind of guy she wants. Or thinks she wants. You guys will always have a problem as after you quit everything she hates about you, she will find something else to change.

Just me, either accept me for what I am or leave me the freak alone. Maybe your different, and she is worth it. Your choice, good luck.

kctiger · Jan 27, 2009, 07:14 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...it-301138.html

No drinking, no smoking! Thats what kind of guy she wants. Or thinks she wants. You guys will always have a problem as after you quit everything she hates about you, she will find something else to change.

Just me, either accept me for what I am or leave me the freak alone. Maybe your different, and she is worth it. Your choice, good luck.

Had to spread the rep (man I love those rules :rolleyes:), but this is absolutely correct Tal. My ex did the same thing. She practically tried to turn me into something I wasn't, and when I did change, another flaw I apparently had would come up.

I LOVE beer. Two beers a week, and I would go insane. That is just unrealistic to think that when you go out, or whatever, you are limited to a number count to your drinks. I have no problem with how much my S/O would drink, as long as they DID NOT DRIVE! Safety is what matters the most. If you can drink responsibly, then I think there shouldn't be an issue.

Some things just ain't worth the fight...

Romefalls19 · Jan 27, 2009, 08:15 AM

Two beers a week! Are you kidding me? Wow, dude you really need to step up to the plate because who knows what she is going to ask you to give up next. You guys aren't married, so why does she have so much control over your life?

jmw0713 · Jan 27, 2009, 10:53 AM

She doesn't drink does she?

You have to put your foot down and tell her how she is hurting you by putting this much restriction on your life. If she can't except you for who your are and is this controlling now... just wait, it will probably get worse.

Tell her something like, you don't like where this is going and the demands she continues to make are not warranted and cause unnecessary tension between you.

One to two beer a couple nights out of the week is nothing. When you drink 10-12 a night and one in the morning to chase the hang over away, that's a problem.

It could be that she doesn't like you going out to bars, where there are other chicks around.

Either way you need to step up and put this to rest or it will just keep building and building.

Nestorian · Jan 27, 2009, 04:05 PM

I know every one else might not agree here with what I'm about to say, but think about this.

She maybe "trying" to control you? Brother you are in control of your life, and must choose to take resposibility for it, or let some one direct you.

But really she probably doesn't realise what she is doing. She may know what she thinks will benafit her, by telling you what to do, but most people forget that any thing they feel is subject to their perception. So she thinks you are making her upset, but really it's something she is doing not doing. It maybe benafitial for her to talk to a counseler, and to do some self reflection/ soul searching. One of her needs is not being met. Look up Choice theory, and the five needs. It's like Maslows hiarchey of needs. May help you understand yourself, thus improve your expressions to her, and give you an Idea as to a possibility as to why she is behaving like this.

Bemindful that most people are not aware of their behaviours, and the effects on the enviroment/people around them. Help her see.

Peace and kindness be with you.