| Thanks for your replies, as a better picture is emerging, as you painted a healthy picture of the marriage before. You both need some type of couples counseling, to guide you thru the process of letting go of the past, and working together. His behavior is unacceptable, and without changes, he is not mate material, especially since he cheated, and I don't know if he was contrite or not, but I gather he has no remorse for it. A reverend is trained in marital counseling, and wont bust the budget, but if he will not go, you still should. If things don't improve then you need to separate, and give this all due time until you can better cope with these trust issues, and his behavior, not easy as its emotionally taxing. I also feel you are afraid to be alone, and its understandable, but fair warning, it leaves you very vulnerable to any tactic he uses to manipulate you into staying, and being quiet, and accepting of it. It gives him a lot of POWER over you. You must be more independent, self reliant, and pro active with establishing your own boundaries, and he needs to know there is hell to pay for crossing them. Standing up for yourself and being his equal, will relieve a lot of the stress of being under his control and end the feeling of being manipulated. You need a break, and someone to talk to, as it seems your self esteem is under attack by a very selfish person, and unless you change that, he will continue as he has. He wont change unless he wants to, but you can change yourself, and how you approach this. Ask him first to go to counseling, but be firm in letting him know that's what you intend to do. He will scoff at this, no doubt, and you will need to hold your position, and follow thru. Find that pastor, and get help. End this cycle, and if he chooses to leave, you must let him, as fearful an idea as that is. So sorry that your in this place, but it must be dealt with. Homegirl put it very well, you don't need this type of stress. Questions are more than welcome. | 
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