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    Trouble with my relationship.

    Asked Dec 13, 2011, 12:52 PM — 20 Answers
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    I've been having a bit of trouble with girlfriend lately. All we've been doing is fighting and then making up. We've been going out for 7 months and a few days. At first it was pretty nice and I was happy and she was happy and that's all that mattered.
    Lately, I just feel like I don't care anymore. I need my space. I feel like things are getting too serious and it scares me.
    She claims that I am the love of her life and that I am one of the best things that has happened to her.
    This is my first relationship and this is her 2nd.
    She wants to transfer to my school if possible and perhaps move in with me after college if we last that long.
    I just want to live alone. I like being alone.
    I wish things were simpler like before.
    Last night she told me that I seem a lot different than I was before: not romantic and cold. She tells me that I am not like she thought I was that I am different, compared to before where we had many things in common.

    Last night I told her that what we have is love not true love and that I don't think true love even exists. I did tell her that I do love and care for her though and that won't change.
    That set her off.
    We might break up.
    I am not sure how I feel about this. I don't know if I am happy or sad. I probably feel indifferent if you will.
    I just feel like she should have someone how is there for her all the time. Who wants to talk to her everyday without fail.
    She needs someone like that and I don't know if I am like that anymore.
    My idea of a relationship differs from her's I suppose.
    I always thought that if I went out with someone we'd hang out on weekends. Talk for a little bit and go on with our lives. I never really thought of relationships growing up, only my goals and my future. Relationships for me were always optional, always secondary, not really important until I got a lot older.

    Her think idea of a relationship is a promise and that she feels that she'll never be happy again if anything happened to us.
    Yes I believe that when you are with someone you are faithful to them but you don't spend every waking minute on the phone with them. You give them the space they need and plan nice little dates every now and then.

    I don't really know what to do to be quite honest.
    Do I wait it out and see if it's just me?
    Do I do something about it and end it?

    Please I really need some advice. I am going crazy.
    Thanks.

    Last edited by I wish; Jan 25, 2012 at 04:04 PM.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,095, Reputation: 10293
    Senior Family & People Expert
     
    #2

    Dec 13, 2011, 01:54 PM


    Relax, and don't sweat it, just be honest with her about how you feel, and if that doesn't bring about changes, you end it. Now I know I make it sound simple, but emotionally its very hard. Whether its your first or the 50th, break ups suck, that's just life, and getting along with another human is damn hard, and its great at first but the longer you know them, the more things you find out about them, and its usually not that good.

    It happens though, many times for some of us. But it never gets easier. But honesty is the best approach. Tell her exactly how you feel, and what you want, and I suspect you would be better off ending things, and stopping contact, but still have to be honest about it.
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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,137, Reputation: 2433
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #3

    Dec 13, 2011, 02:00 PM
    After 7 months, (which is really a trial period, a get to know each other time) you have found she is not who you want to spend your life with, in fact you two are not on the same page as far as relationships go. There is nothing wrong with that, you two are just different.
    Be honest with her and go on from there. Someone may get hurt but it is always best to just be honest about how you feel.
    Helpful (3)
    starsandbowties's Avatar
    starsandbowties Posts: 12, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #4

    Dec 13, 2011, 02:06 PM
    Thank you so much for your answers.
    It's been really hard. Haven't stopped thinking about it all day and I have a final tonight.
    She has problems of her own and I'm just afraid that she might do something that will harm her.
    I'll think on it some more.
    Thanks again.
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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,137, Reputation: 2433
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #5

    Dec 13, 2011, 02:16 PM
    I think you should give her more credit. She will no doubt be hurt but she will be fine.
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    starsandbowties's Avatar
    starsandbowties Posts: 12, Reputation: 2
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    #6

    Dec 13, 2011, 03:08 PM
    She told me that she thought about killing herself after one particular fight.
    I know I should. I am just worried about her.
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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,137, Reputation: 2433
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    #7

    Dec 13, 2011, 03:30 PM
    You can worry but she will be fine.
    You guys have only been dating 7 months. Has she shown signs of being unstable?
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,095, Reputation: 10293
    Senior Family & People Expert
     
    #8

    Dec 13, 2011, 05:01 PM


    Don't let her manipulate you through emotional blackmail. That's not a healthy way to keep a partner. Dump her, and tell her family what she said.
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    starsandbowties's Avatar
    starsandbowties Posts: 12, Reputation: 2
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    #9

    Dec 13, 2011, 06:13 PM
    She is a little unstable at times. It depends on the day really.
    I know I shouldn't.
    I'll keep you guys posted as to what happens with this okay?
    Thank you again.
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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,137, Reputation: 2433
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #10

    Dec 13, 2011, 06:34 PM
    Good luck
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