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My wife and I have been married almost 20 years and have 3 children. Our marriage was happy until this past year, when my wife had an affair and then realized that sex with other men excited her. She has an older man, actually quite a nice guy who is also married. They get together every couple of months for sex. Our sex life is good and she says it is fulfilling to her, but she likes the variety. Safe sex is always practiced and while I have not been happy about it because it makes me feel a bit inadequate, I have allowed her to maintain what she is doing.
I have never bene with anyone else but my wife. Yep....I was one of those wait till marriage guys!! My wife has offered for me to find a partner of my own as a "special friend"...but I have never taken her up on it. In my eyes, I have been faithful to our marriage and have not wanted anyone but her.
In the past few days, I have been chatting with a neighbor down the street. (all of us are in our 40's by the way) She is in a horrible marriage with a guy who does not appreciate her at all. She has not been sexually active in a number of years as the husband shows her no interest and he goes on vacation to resorts like "Hedonism" all by himself. The woman and I have been chatting about the fact that we both have desired each other for a long time, but neither one of us have ever said anything.
My question is.....what should I do? What would you do? Remain on the sidelines while my wife plays....or become active with this woman who obviously desires me and has needs that I could help her meet?
Get marriage counseling for you and your wife, what she is doing is not right. For her to opening be unfaithful ( and for you to allow it is beyond me) is not a healthy relastionship.
You being unfaithful and perhaps destroying someone elses marriage is not right.
Also does the man she is cheating with, does his wife know all about the affair he is having.
So my answer is no, you should try to save your marriage, if you can't, sepearte and start a new life that does not involve someone elses wife
Your wife was unfaithful. She broke your trust. She cheated.
In my book, that’s a deal breaker.
I wouldn’t try to “help” your neighbor. You already feel bad enough with yourself for letting your wife’s affair go on, how do you think you will feel if you start cheating yourself?
If you are both resolved to making your marriage work, the affair must end and both of you must go to counseling. You can probably work through it as long as both of you are committed to doing so.
If I were in your shoes though, I would end the marriage. I know you have a 20 year investment, but I find such behavior so disrespectful that I simply couldn’t continue in a "true" relationship with that person.
If your wife had talked to you and both agreed on some kind of adventure, it might be a different story. When she’s broken your trust in her, you’ll always have that suspicion that she’s doing it again. And you’ll never be happy.
Get marriage counseling for you and your wife, what she is doing is not right. For her to opening be unfaithful ( and for you to allow it is beyond me) is not a healthy relastionship.
You being unfaithful and perhaps destroying someone elses marriage is not right.
Also does the man she is cheating with, does his wife know all about the affair he is having.
So my answer is no, you should try to save your marriage, if you can't, sepearte and start a new life that does not involve someone elses wife
You need to put your foot down and stop your wife being screwed by this guy !! Don't lay on the floor and get walked all over!!!! you say there having SAFE SEX, how do you know this is true, are you there ?????
As capainforest said stay away from the neighbor this will just lead to alot more problems, and it would be good for you both to seek counseling....But you need to get her to stop cheating, no wonder you feel inadequate letting her cheat and sleep around with you knowing.
OK, I only skimmed over the other answers because I assume they all say the same thing... Im gonna go out on a limb here, since there are not likely many "swingers" in here and give the "other" side. (and by the way, no, Im not a swinger lol)
However, there are many people who are in healthy relationships that venture out and have sex with other people... this isnt exactly cheating. It is a common interest in both parties: two people who love eachother dearly but have sexual desires that extend outside what we feel is a natural relationship.
At first, she went behind your back.. that was wrong. But she is being open about it now and is trying to make it a part of the relationship.
You seem to be okay with it and are toying around with the idea of venturing out yourself.
First, let me say, that this other woman, who is married, is NOT a good choice. It is not fair of you to break up her marriage for your fun. If she wishes to engage in such a thing, she will have to end the marriage herself BEFORE ever getting involved with you.
But if you are interested, look around.. check out the internet. There is a rather large community of swingers and people that are open to this lifestyle.
We could argue the morality of this all day but that is not the issue here... Im not here to tell you what you should or shouldnt believe. You seem to have already made your mind up about that.
Is the man that your wife meets married? or with someone else? If so, maybe this woman would be a good person to go to.
It comes down to this: Are you going to open up your relationship to this? If it is not strong enough, it WILL destroy it. Are you strong enough and are you sure SHE is strong enough?
Personally - I' WOULD leave her. Ask for a divorce. SHE IS WALKING ALL OVER YOU. SHE IS CHEATING ON YOU.
This is very unhealthy - especially for a 'nice guy' like you.
DUDE!!!! HAVE A FREAKING SPINE. TELL HER THIS IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE - WHICH IS IS!!!
SHE TOTALLY HURTING YOU!!!! I don't believe yo uare OK with it.
This other guy sounds like a MASSIVE CREEP!!!! Ughhhh!!! who the hell is this guy and why don't you punch his lights out?????? This YOUR freaking wife and you ALLOW another guy to have her???? SOrry Dude - but you are get walked all over.
YOU NEED to work on your confidence - tel lyour wife under to end it now or you leave. Period, end of story.
What is the matter with you???? "He's a nice guy" - sure he is a nice guy to you - he gets bang YOUR wife.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GROW A FREAKING SPINE WILL YOU!!! PLEASE!!!
I am so freaking angry over this and it's not even my wife. I'd put that ho in here place in abut 5 seconds after I emptied the bank account, moved out, and found a GREAT divorce attorney. AND that guy would take a beating for thinking it was OK to have another mans wife - not realy a beaten, but something drastic. That guy is scum and your wife is a ho.
Your wife is complete trash - she should have divorced you - then been with the guy. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ALSO - once you move out and GROW A FREAKING SPINE.....THIS WHOLE FREAKING TRIST WONT BE SO MUCH FUN FOR WIFEY HO. She does this because OF YOU!!!!! She does it because she can. She does it because YOU LET HER!!!!
Be a freaking man will you!!!! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Plus...........YOU NEED A DIVORCE BECAUSE OF RIGHT NOW, YOU DO NEED TO EXPERINECE OTHER WOMEN. Forget this one.
SSssshhh wildcat your smoking LoL But HELL I agree with you 100%
tomorrowman_2002 I would also say it maybe in your intrest to get a full STD screening done, can you be sure its just the one dude she is screwing whilst your sitting home making here meals ect???
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