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I have been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years now and she is asking for space. We have had our ups and downs but have always promised each other that we'd never leave each other. We were deeply in love and besides work/school have spent the last 5 years together all the time. I have lived with her for the past 2 years. We have both done/said things to each other that we regret, but nothing worth ending a relationship after 5 years. My problem was that I have problems showing love and affection which I have gotten much better with. Just recently she got a new job and met this guy who has become a friend to the both of us, but it seems that ever since she started hanging out with this guy things have just gone down hill. Now ever since she told me we need space she has been over at his place (he lives with his sister, and two friends) every other night at least for the past two weeks. Keep in mind that we still live together so its making it really hard to give her space with her sleeping on the couch in the next room. She swears she still loves me and nothing is going on with her and this guy, and says she just needs space. She says that if it is meant to be that things will work out between us. Do I just stop all contact with her period, or should I try my hardest to win her back? I have realized that I took alot of what we had together for granted. I have tried explaining that I can change and be a more caring loving person. I havent been helping her out with financial situations as much as I should have been (were college students) so I paid her part of the rent this month and have bought her flowers, food, etc... She says its too late for me to start trying and she needs a break. I love this girl more than I've loved anything. We are each close to each others families and we were planning on getting married in the next few years. I just dont understand how she can look me in the eyes and say she needs space if she really loves me. I cant stop thinking about her. I probably call/text message her too much which I am trying as hard as I can not to. I have cried myself to sleep for the past 3-4 nights, I havent been able to eat, or focus on school at all. Ever since she asked for space she ignores my phone calls most of the time, occassionally answering them. She let me take her to lunch today and now shes back at this guys house partying while I sit at home all alone. What should I do?
ok the ignoring phone calls not a good sign. yeah. i wouldnt wait around for her to make up her mind on what she wants to do. you take control you make your own mind up
and say ok this girl is wanting space from me but hanging with another man?? theres something wrong there and not talking to me
i would brake it off with her personaly.. if she wants space give it to her. fully.
^^ thats alot easier said than done. I have tried to force myself not to talk to her, but thats all I think about and when she walks in the door in the middle of the night after I've been sitting here all night alone, my emotions take over and I break down and basically beg her to stay with me. I know this is not the right route if I want her back but its like my body wont let me cut her off. Should I confront this guy or will that make it worse? Also, she is living in the same house as me and paying half the rent. Should I kick her out or what? If I kick her out then I wont be able to afford rent. Its like Im trapped. Thanks for the advice.
I personally would do the same to her. Dont take her calls. Go out and party and have fun with other friends. Stay out till 3 in the morning. Let her worry about why you're not home. Give her a taste of her own medicine and enjoy your own life in the mean time. She is not your life. Go out and live yours. She can love you and want to have a life outside of you. You need to learn to do the same. I'm not saying that I'm not worried about this other guy, and im definately woried that she sleeps on the couch, but dont show her that you are completely and totaly dependant on her to live your life. If she sees you enjoying life and being fun she might reconsider the things she has been doing. You need to talk to her at some point about some obviously deeper issues, but right now give her her space and go out and live your own life. Life to short to sit at home alone while the girlfriend parties. Dont be unfaithful to her, but go live it up!
relationship's over. new guy'll be in the picture before long. sorry.
soft version:
this may NOT be the case...but...9 times out of 10...it seems like your girl's ready to move on. This happens...a lot, as in any given moment, there's about 20 people on this forum asking "my girlfriend says she needs space" questions. As for now, give her some space. I understand you two are living together, which makes this a lot harder...
she seems to want to break up with you, but she's doing it gradually. She's found a new friend to hang out with, and there's a good chance she'll end up with him right after you. If it's possible, try to stay with a friend or a cousin for a little bit.
as for now, clean yourself up a bit, and call up those old friends you haven't seen in a while. Read the two stickies on the relationship forum...read the novels of ihatewestseneca, freakinconfused, romefalls19, and even mine if you wish. we've all been there...we've all done that.
^^I would if I could. I gave up all my friends for her which was my first mistake. I have nowhere to go but my parents and I dont want to be there and let them see me like this. I've thought about just driving around for a few hours so she thinks Im out having fun, but that just seems pathetic. I guess thats what all this boils down to is me being a pathetic loser who ed up something solid and true by taking everything for granted... Now I have to deal with it.
I had given up all of my friends. my ex was living with me for a year. I had no life.
She said she needed space...then ended up moving out a week later...then met a "new friend"...then a week later, she's with the new guy.
I'm not sure if it'll help...but this is what I did:
- joined a gym
- worked long hours @ work
- started volunteering
- signed up for sign language classes
- called up ALL of my old friends...caught up for a beer, dinner, lunch, even breakfast (gotta take what you can get)
- started asking my co-workers to go out
- spent about 3 hours or so on this forum
the point is...just keep busy. I understand the nights are hard...if that's the case, call up a friend to go to a bar to catch up, go watch a movie, go read a book at a local coffee shop (dunkin donuts?), do...something.
If Sneeze is right, and I hope he's not, then when the time coes, just let her go. Cut her off then. I hate to say it, but if you do it now, you'll look like the bad guy. Appearences do matter, especially when she can twist it in her own head to vindicate herself of guilt. You dont want to give her that. Just go out and have fun and live life NOW. If she leaves you, the BEST thing you can do is let it happen. Begging her to not leave you and to please come back and the sob story "I love you so much" and "you'll never find someone like me" will only seal your fate. If/When it happens just let her go. The only thing you do is tell her you support her decision, you understand, and that you are ok. And very importantly you need to start going out and having fun without her NOW. Not in a week. Not in a Month. Not in a year. NOW. While shes wanting space. Go out and have fun NOW.
Sneeze has it exactly right. You can go out and do things without her. Try some or all of the things he suggests doing, and do them now. Dont wait for the bad things to happen. Start now.
no offense, but if sneeze did everything he said and didnt get the girl back, why would this be a good solution? I want my girl back, I dont want to forget about her and move on yet.
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