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Recently i have noticed that my g/f seems a bit detached from me when we are together. Ive been thinking about this a lot recently and after doing some reading on the internet it's obvious im a 'nice guy' and thats not what women want. Id rather we didnt get into a debate with some arguing that they want a nice guy and some dont. My problem is that ive totally fell for the girl and i find myself always agreeing with her, doing what she wants to do and buying her things, visiting her, but i wouldnt say calling too much or following her around.I realise my behaviour has changed since we met, i behave in a way that i think she wants me to and my puppy like behaviour is the reason i think she is becomming a little distant, possibly im not a challenge anymore and she's bored. Furthermore ive read that women like guys to be masculine i dont particularly like this notion but i do realise im sometimes too emotionally open and could be seen as weakness.
I feel i should just add we are both in our late teens; me 19 her 17 and have been going out 4 months; a sticky stage in most relationships from friends experiences.
Id appreciate it if someone could give me some advice as to how i can get out of this routine. I read somewhere to start living my life and doing what i like doing; but the problem is what i like doing; is being with her. I realise it has to change though or i risk loosing her. How do i change my behaviour?? Furthermore i worry that by changing she might feel im not interested in her anymore? Will she see it like this as im assuming my behaviour will have to change significantly?
First of all I think you need to slow down a little and stop stressing yourself in your head. You have been seeing one another for 4mnths so this is still too me the getting to know one another stage.
Yeah i realise that but everywhere i read it's about how girls hate guys being that 'puppy dog' type and that it's really a turn off.
I realise i am like that i just find it difficult to argue with her. Your the first person to suggest it's ok most people tell me i need a change quick. Cheers!
She knows im totally in love with her, thats how i feel and i tell her. She tells me that she finds it difficult being open about things like that, which i totally appreciate and understand. My major worry is my puppy like behaviour though.
I just feel that she doesnt like it atall and i cant really help it but want to change it. Thats the thing at first everything was interesting and stuff, but since i confessed that im totally in love with her and that she knows i plan things around her etc she seems less interested in me. I just feel that for me to change now is difficult as she knows that she has won me over and that im not a challenge anymore.
Im interested to see what the girls say on this matter aswell, cause i reckon they will be after me with knives for my puppy like behaviour.
"Furthermore i worry that by changing she might feel im not interested in her anymore?" - never
I think you have the concept down. And are starting to learn.
What you need to do is Pull Back - give her some sapce. Have her contact you when she's ready. Your interest level is way too high here.
And yes, she WILL live if you are an agreeable, sick puppy dog. She doesn't want another 'girlfriend' - she wants a MAN!!!!
You did need more things in your life - women are a part of your life - NOT YOUR LIFE. School, work, WORKING OUT OUT, FRIENDS, FAMILY, Hobbies are jus tas important.
It's NOT changing who you are - it's learn to grow up and mature - become a man. Learning about women.
You just need to grow a spine and learn to say NO!!!! Say no, I am going out with my friends.
Less is more with women - the less contact and less they see you - the more they reach for you.
IF you act too anxious to make a relationship work, even if the other person initially seemed to be the one who wanted it, they will become turned off and start looking for the exits. Next time you decide you really want somebody, play your cards close to your chest. Don’t let on how excited you’ve become. Slowly over many months of time you can eventually show more commitment on your part, but do so incrementally, remaining alert to equal signs of commitment back. If at any point your devotion is more than an equal share, back off and give the other person a chance to catch up before proceeding further.
It is their perception, rightly or wrongly, that someone nice must be desperately needy. The neediness or dependent characteristics exhibited by a person are actually what is repulsive.
Thats the reply i thought was comming my way. It's exactly what im trying to do, but i do find it difficult. Befroe i couldnt understand whats so bad about me 'nice' doing what she wants to do and doing this just cause i love her. But now i see that yeah she does want a 'man'. It's regaining my hmmmmm(power, self respect, masculinity??) when ive lost it i find difficult,as im just so worried that she will see my change in behaviour as me less interested. How can you be so sure that when i start saying that me away to the pub and im not seeing you tonight she will not just think im dumping her for my mates.
Might i add that well i have my uni 5 days a week, she works 2 nights of the week aswell. But before i met her my life totally revolved around going out getting smashed all summer, taking E's etc partying through till the next day. Id rather i didnt get a lecture about drug use, im very sensible and aware of the pros and cons. But this was basically my lifestyle from say May last year till October last year, so as you can imagine when all the partying ended and i met her i didnt really have much else going on, as i quit all that as soon as i met her.
Hey Kr1s
I have to go with Wildcat here. You have to be yourself but that doesn't mean saying yes all the time. Say some no's and let her know that is not always what she wants. Be yourself but don't be afraid to say no just because you may upset her or get her mad. You dont have to be an , just let her know that it's not a one way road and she can't always have her way. Don't worry if there's an argument, Do you know how many times I've argued with my girlfriend just because I said I can't do it, or I'm not going, but you know what, we somehow end up getting passed all of that. Get the lead and strongly agree when you believe something is just wrong, don't just say yes hon when you should have said no and this is why.
Don't be afraid kris, arguments come and go in a relationship and chances are they will never go away because no human thinks alike, never!!!
Wish you the best for you and your girl.
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