At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
Recently i have noticed that my g/f seems a bit detached from me when we are together. Ive been thinking about this a lot recently and after doing some reading on the internet it's obvious im a 'nice guy' and thats not what women want. Id rather we didnt get into a debate with some arguing that they want a nice guy and some dont. My problem is that ive totally fell for the girl and i find myself always agreeing with her, doing what she wants to do and buying her things, visiting her, but i wouldnt say calling too much or following her around.I realise my behaviour has changed since we met, i behave in a way that i think she wants me to and my puppy like behaviour is the reason i think she is becomming a little distant, possibly im not a challenge anymore and she's bored. Furthermore ive read that women like guys to be masculine i dont particularly like this notion but i do realise im sometimes too emotionally open and could be seen as weakness.
I feel i should just add we are both in our late teens; me 19 her 17 and have been going out 4 months; a sticky stage in most relationships from friends experiences.
Id appreciate it if someone could give me some advice as to how i can get out of this routine. I read somewhere to start living my life and doing what i like doing; but the problem is what i like doing; is being with her. I realise it has to change though or i risk loosing her. How do i change my behaviour?? Furthermore i worry that by changing she might feel im not interested in her anymore? Will she see it like this as im assuming my behaviour will have to change significantly?
You can take it slow... just not too slow. Ease into it... First start with the new attitude. Ease into that, too but every time you see her bust on her... her purse... thats perfect!! Dont ATTACK her... be playful! That is key. Thats where you need to start... as this progresses (and Im talking no more than a couple weeks here) then start becoming more busy... almost too busy at times. This will also give you some time to find some stuff to do! What do you do? What do you like to do? You need to start doing those things now.
I wrote that last post like 30 minutes ago before Chucks post...
As for Chuck's post, for him, he is right. However, I also assume that his photo is REALLY him. That means that he is at least in his 50s, Im guessing.
That is where the difference lies. The times have changed!!
You see, where do you think we got all this "be the nice guy, share your feeling, wuss, wuss, wuss" talk from??? Our parents and for some of us, our GRANDparents!! This is OLD SCHOOL and no longer applies in todays world.
As a matter of fact, I bet that if we went back in time and applied what we know today, we would STILL get any woman we wanted over the "nice guys." Its just that back then, they didnt have much else to choose from cuz thats just how everyone was.
The fact of the matter, Chuck, is that the offspring YOU produced grew up in the 70s and adapted a certian lifestyle and attitutde on life (which, of course, happens with every generation). This generation then produced todays younger generation. They raised this generation with this new adapted lifestyle (which, of course, happens with EVERY generation, too). However, the outcome of these past few generations has created something quite different to the "wooing" period in yours, and my fathers, lifetime.
There are definitely concepts in DeAngelo's and Jeffries routines that are true. Take them in context and they can be helpful. Take them too far, and you're just playing games in a way that you hope no one realizes you are playing games. At the farthest end of that, it's nothing more than manipulation.
The cocky/funny thing is good. People like people with confidence (both men and women). Everyone likes to laugh. But no one like a pompus fool that only wants "their way"... we have lots of not so nice names for people like that.
I think you may just need to take a more assertive role in your relationship. Be nice, be confident, be yourself. Make sure you have fun together in whatever you're doing... Have interesting things to talk about. Invite her into your own interests and show her what you know or what you can do.
chuck give the kid a break will ya. Like wildcat says, he needs to be more outgoing, he can't always depend on the girlfriend to make all the choices. I'm not saying get her out of ever choosing, it's just that kris here hardly ever does. Well I also want to say that too much time with each other creates some kind of friends atmosphere instead of couples. And kris take some advice from these 4 pages will ya, everything we have typed you seem to have done or not work at all and if that is the case my friend, I suggest you start watching Dr. Phil more often and see what you can get out of that.
Best of luck.
Ok, he is young and needs to find out who he is and what type of girl he likes and all of that.
At my age you finally find out, that women is always right anyway, even when they aren't. It is always your fault.
I just don't want him pretending to be some maucho jack...... either.
And the ideas of treating girls bad and esp the idea that girls are not equal with men and have to "earn" some right, I am from GA and TN and that is even scarey for me.
This happens with every generation ,young dudes think that what they are doing is so different than what we did in the old school.I don't think so!I've got two veiw and a lot of experience to work with and your still learning about what to do in your world,so having said that lets get to the business of dating.At 19 you will grow and change as you get more mature and experienced.the same things that you worry about at19 isn't even going to cross your mind at 29,the same with a female as she grows and changes and becomes more mature her likes and dislikes will change too.Its all about knowing yourself and making decisions that you can live with.The games you talk about playing to attract a female are just that a game.when you figure out who you are and what it is you want, you can be yourself in a relationship and grow together,thats what its all about.All females are different and one lousy trick doesn't work for all of them,so be yourself and leave the games for the players.
First off, we need to make a clear distinction between two aspects that we are discussing here: Dating & Relatinoships.
These two things seem to get confused a lot in these forums. At a young age, even if you have been with a girl for a couple/few months, you are still basically "dating." The advie that I, and a few others here, give pertains to this "dating" scene. In the early stages of a relationship ("dating") there needs to be a certain level of attraction. Without this, the couple may never fall in love.
Now, let me make it clear that Im NOT talking about being tall, dark, and handsome or being a supermodel in a bikini... looks have VERY little to do with "attraction."
There are, and have been, many studies dealing with the human psyche. There are certain proven things that create attraction with a male and with a female (no, they are NOT the same thing either). These arent "games" to be played... this isnt manipulation... this is not asking anyone to not be themselves. It is just an understanding for what creates attraction with the opposite sex.
Later down the line, when a couple is "in love," a NEW aspect takes shape. This is an actual relationship. Now the coupel "loves" eachother and there is not as much of a need to build that attraction... its already there and now there is love... which is much more powerful.
Sorry I misunderstood.To me dating was seeing a lot of people going out and having fun,dating exclusively was a relationship.Either way being oneself and being confident was always the whole key for dating or a relationship,In reality if someone doesn't like you then there are no tricks out there to change their mind so why give someone the false hope of some kind of technique that can make you more attractive.For most men the key to being in the mix with the ladies is how you deal with rejection.The uniformed males out there will just take a rejection personaly where as the confident male will move on until he finds one that he clicks with.Confidence in ones self is the whole key to dating, relationships, and life,whether your18-28-38-or older.We can't have everything we want.Knowing when its time to move on and how, comes with practice over time and if there were a secret fomula then their would not be all these people wondering what to do in a relationship,they would just read the book!
I think that you are kinda rushing too much into the relationship, maybe she feels sort of overloaded with your gratitude that it's getting kind of suffocated.Just be yourself and remember....Yes isn't ALWAYS the right answer to say..
All The Best
Regards
Shabaz xXx
You do have a point there, talaniman... or a few rather.
Youre right about the dating thing... there should then be 3 categories. However, not many younger people really "date" in that sense of the word. Usually not until you are older are you ready/able to actually date/see many people at the same time. Then there is dating exclusively. I see this as a step before falling in love. Love, however, is the factor that differentiates one side of this to the other.
And you are partially right in saying that if someone doesnt not like you, you cant use any tricks to make them like you. But that is not what we are talking about. She already likes him but the attraction is diminishing.
Confidence is key... always! That is 100% true!
Fear of rejection... true. That can seriously hinder your situation. However, that shows lack of confidence and as we said, "Confidence is key!"
There may not be a secret formula, but there ARE things in human nature that can influence the outcome of any situation. Some people call it manipulation... I dont.
Its like a playing a piano. EVERYONE can play a piano; however, if everyone JUST played the piano, the majority of us would plpay like sh*t, right?
For some people, playing the piano beautifully comes totally natural to them.
For others, they need to learn the skills that have been proven to make a piano sound more beautiful than if they would have just started playing without any guidance.
It's silly to say to someone, "Just be yourself and play the piano as your heart desires." I could be the most confident piano player in the world, in my own mind, but if I have never learned to play the piano, odds are that I will suck at playing the piano!
Now, Im sure plenty of people will say, "Women are NOT pianos!" I know. Thank you.
But the rules still apply.. as they do with EVERYTHING in life. Some rules are meant to be bent, the rest are made to be broken.... however, if you do not know how to do this, you are eternally subject to the rules. Thats life.
We can hope for a more perfect world, where things like this didnt exist, but they do. And you can tell me that it doesnt work and not to preach it until you are blue inthe face, but, even at the young age of 27, I have proven this time and time again. "Attraction is something that is created." and "You cannot help whether or not you are attracted to something."
Linear Mode
