I'm not sure why, but today I have just felt horrible. Granted, I haven't broken NC but lord knows I want too...I know it won't do any good, so I keep trying to replay horrible instances in our relationship, something just to dull the pain. I'm at the point where I want to say I don't love her as much as before but the truth is I love her the same if not more. Last night I thought I was doing well, finally fell asleep and got 3 hours of sleep and then woke up and was actually able to eat something. Now I'm at work, and it's hitting me like a ton of bricks. This isn't really a question or anything, but mainly a venting of sorts so I don't break that NC. I just don't see how one day I am perfectly fine and then today I feel like I'm back at square one

mafiaangel180

Yeah, you're going to have days like that. Where one day you are up and the other you are down. You will notice an increase of up days as time goes on. What helped me was filling my schedule up as much as possible. I have so much downtime at work sitting at a desk, and it's easy to just think about things. So it's nice to have the rest of the day filled with stuff. Right now I'm going on 71 days NC. It used to be a horrible thing watching the number get higher, but now I rather enjoy it. lol.

HistorianChick

Go outside. Look up. You see that sun?

Its there, no matter how awful or depressed you feel.

Its going to continue shining tomorrow, when you feel back on top of the world again.

Its going to set in a breathtaking sunset this evening, but still be there, awakening the opposite side of the world with its morning rays.

Its going to bring the Spring and the gorgeous, sparkling dewdrops of tomorrow's dawn.

Even if its rainy and gray where you are, its still there. Even when you can't see it, its there... It may be hidden behind a cloud, but its still there.

As are we. Your support network is still here. Even though you can't see us, we're here.

This little poem was found on a wall in Cologne where Jews were hiding from Nazi troops:

I believe in the sun
even when
it is not shining

I believe in love
even when
I cannot feel it

I believe in God
even when
He is silent

Go look at your sun. Let it remind you that your support is always here.

DMBacoustic

I know exactly what you're going through. I'm still having those days, even after i thought those days had ended. Just when I thought i was good like you said it just hit me like a ton of bricks. But don't end your NC otherwise youll go back to square one. Along the lines of what HistorianChick said, this is one of my favorite lines of all time from any movie and you can apply it to all areas of life not just relationships, its from Cast Away:

"I had power over *nothing*. And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"

Romefalls19

Thanks guys! It's good to know that I have people here that support me, while some of my friends say just to pick up the phone and call her. Which I will not do...No way will I go that route and start back at day 1. Thanks for the poem Historian and the quote DMB, Mafia, thanks as always for being there for me. I hope I have the strength to make it to 71 days. I do whatever I can to keep my mind busy, joggin, writing, the gym...People say it's unhealthy how addicted to the gym I am now lol

mafiaangel180

No prob

And by the way, the next time someone says it's unhealthy how addicted to the gym you are...tell them it's not nearly as unhealthy as being addicted to her. lol.

HistorianChick

LOL! I agree, mafia, although I'd tend to want to show of the results of the gym in addition to the comment!

Get a six pack, Rome, then no one will say its unhealthy! They'll just be envious!!

thoughtiwastheman

I know exactly what you mean. Its been about a year for me after getting out of a six years relationship. I guess my feelings comes more out of anger and how disrespected I felt, and sometimes still do. Not out of love at all. In the beginning I did think it was love though. Looking back now I'm glad my ex and I broke up. I'm just not cool with how things went down though. In a way I guess I'm just venting like you are because I'm at work sitting at my computer and feeling bored. Lol...but in another sense I would say stay strong and continue to analyze what happened in your relationship. I really don't think people do this enough. I've actually written vignettes, taken long walks, listened to music, spoken to my elders and friends, to try and figure out what happened so that I don't make the same mistakes twice. Stay occupied and use this time for yourself. My plan is to improve myself so much so that any woman would be lucky to be with me. But unlike you, all I want is a face to face interaction where my ex apologizes wihout me having to ask for it. I might not ever get it but at least I know I don't EVER want her back. So, study your situation, talk to yourself if you have to, and do anything that you think will give you the answer you are searching for. Once you have your answer things will get a lot easier. I know you have had people post and tell you to stay active..well, don't just stay physically active by jumping from one thing to another. Stay mentally active too. Stop and think, critique, analyze your situation, study other couples, read articles and books dealing with your issue. These are the things I've done and honestly when I look back at how I used to be I can't help but laugh at myself and the role I played in my previous relationship. Relationships should be fun because you are always learning; not depressing.

mafiaangel180

Yep!!! Show them all!!!!!

Romefalls19

Ha ha for some reason I was not able to give rep points to any of you, they really need to change that!...Yea, I am definately working on the 6 pack. It's starting to show a lot that I go to the gym with me getting bigger and more fit looking so thats a good thing. I do whatever I can to both stay mentally and physically active. I think I will resort to video game playing when I am home and not at the gym to keep my mind off things. And i agree, being addicted to the gym is a whole lot better than her. I sit back and think of how much I was crawling when we first broke up and was like that was a chump move.