So I have been with my gf for about 6 years. But in the last year I lost my job and went back to school. Im 27 and my ex-gf is 24. She has always expected to be married by 24 but I still don't have my career and she already has hers. At the end of last year she started to get pressure from her family to get married, and then last month she got pressure again. And about two weeks ago, she asked to go on a break and give her space to think about things. Because our relationship has not been like she had pictured it and that it doesn't look like we are getting married anytime soon. And she doesn't know if she still loves me as a bf anymore. The future she saw isnt too clear anymore. Everyone hurt her so much that she doesnt care about anything. That she is sad all the time. (I want to make her happy). She is moving out on her own next month.
I took it really hard and upset that someone that I loved so much could tell me she doesn't love me. Over the course of the next few days I texted, and left her messages. I expressed how sad and disappointed I was in how this all turned out. And she told me she still loves me, but not as a bf. That got me more upset and told her not to say if she didnt mean it.
After I realized how selfish I was, I kept trying to call and contact her. I texted her when I was drunk and made this worst. We finally met up because I needed my stuff. We talked and she told me to look for a new gf and forget about her, she wants me to start dating other girls. And we probably won't be getting back together and just let her be alone for the next few months. After we fell asleep watching tv. So I thought it would be nice to hold her. She let me hold her, but then she started to cry and said... "its over and you need to let go now." I told her "I know, but I love you and I will wait for you." I told her I know you still have feelings for me, otherwise you wouldnt be crying... she said "too litle too late." So don't ask me to marry you now, the answer would be "NO"
We left and I texted her, "I know you still love me deep down inside, and I will be here when you figure it out." and "Its not over."She responded with, "Yes it, don't txt or call me anymore."
I got really desperate and I messaged her friends to let her know that I love her and that I will marry her if she is ready.....
I think I totally messed everything up... I should have given her space when she asked for it but its so hard to do. She is moving next month, and I offered to help her move but I dont know if I still should... Is it really over? 6 years gone because I didn't give her space? I turned a break to a break up...How can I be so stupid?
What can I do now to fix everything? or is it too little too late?
You can't fix it. Had you listened to her request for space, things may have turned out differently. Her feelings have changed and there is nothing you can do now. Just move on, go no contact and rebuild your life, without her.
thats what I was afraid of.... +sigh... I just thought if I didnt showed I care then the would be over. But too little too late... I wish I read these forums before all of this... 6 years.... just sad... but i think she is depressed inside for some reason and she needs help..
here is the thing too.. she is not telling her family that we are broken up.. just in case, we do get back together. she doesnt want to explain to them what happen... but she followed that statement with, dont get your hopes up.
6 years... not giving her space... then breaking up?
I tend to think that even if you had done things differently, you guys would still break up. I highly doubt that giving her space would have made a difference. A 6 year relationship doesn't end just because of not giving little space.
It sounds like you guys had a lot of problems already and you just dragged out the inevitable. She's made it clear that she no longers wants to be with you.
This doesn't sound llke a case of "saying one thing and thinking another". I'm sure she knows what she's saying when she tells you not to contact her anymore.
You gave it your best shot, it's time to move on. Don't contact her anymore and start the recovery process. You've suffered enough, it's time to heal.
Ya.. i have been kicking myself over this.. She had been talking about moving into together again like when we are in college. But I told her I wanted to take care of my family for as long as possible.
She said that it doesn't look like your relationship was moving any direction.
I just don't get why she keeps telling.. that she is so sad inside, and she just wants to be alone... And just be her age, her friends are party animals, but she never really liked clubbing.
She is having a doctors appt. tomorrow and I don't know if I should ask her how it goes.
It just so hard to let a 6 years relationship down the hole. We were so happy about a month or two ago... then after so got pressure from her family.. it was over... even if i told her i wanted to marry her now, it would be too late..
so i dont know.. just so depressed right now. and its been two weeks...
Yeah, you messed up in a couple of ways. Learn from it because a moment like this could occur again in your life and you don't need a repeat of what happened here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ldanny
...our relationship has not been like she had pictured it and that it doesn't look like we are getting married anytime soon... The future she saw isnt too clear anymore.....
She (with some pushing by her family) wants to be married to a guy who is further along on the material development path than you are. Career, money, stability, readiness to make a family,etc.
Quote:
Is it really over? 6 years gone because I didn't give her space?
It's probably over, but not because you didn't give her space. That was a mistake, but it was over before then. Your texting just validated her decision.
Quote:
Everyone hurt her so much that she doesnt care about anything. That she is sad all the time. (I want to make her happy).
She's got an issue with following her heart. Expressing apathy and sadness indicates that she is trying to do practical things (like marrying some rich guy) without knowing what is in her heart. Her head is leading her heart, so she can't love you any more like she did before.
Quote:
I took it really hard and upset that someone that I loved so much could tell me she doesn't love me. Over the course of the next few days I texted, and left her messages. I expressed how sad and disappointed I was in how this all turned out. And she told me she still loves me, but not as a bf. That got me more upset and told her not to say if she didnt mean it.
After I realized how selfish I was, I kept trying to call and contact her. I texted her when I was drunk and made this worst. (No kidding!) We finally met up because I needed my stuff. We talked and she told me to look for a new gf and forget about her, she wants me to start dating other girls. And we probably won't be getting back together and just let her be alone for the next few months. After we fell asleep watching tv. So I thought it would be nice to hold her. She let me hold her, but then she started to cry and said... "its over and you need to let go now." I told her "I know, but I love you and I will wait for you." I told her I know you still have feelings for me, otherwise you wouldnt be crying... she said "too litle too late." So don't ask me to marry you now, the answer would be "NO"
We left and I texted her, "I know you still love me deep down inside, and I will be here when you figure it out." and "Its not over."She responded with, "Yes it, don't txt or call me anymore."
Pretty clear...Don't delude yourself.
Quote:
I got really desperate and I messaged her friends to let her know that I love her and that I will marry her if she is ready.....
She's ready to move on.
Quote:
I think I totally messed everything up... I should have given her space when she asked for it but its so hard to do. She is moving next month, and I offered to help her move but I dont know if I still should... Is it really over? 6 years gone because I didn't give her space? I turned a break to a break up...How can I be so stupid?
Everybody makes this sort of mistake. The six-year run ended for more reasons than just one mistake, though. Take care of your emotions by acknowledging them and letting yourself grieve. It's over, and the best thing you can do is to handle it graciously. Let go, heal, get on with your life.
All I really got from that was that she desperately wants to be married, her parents and pressuring her to do it and it doesn't matter who the guy is as long as he pops the question...
Time to move on and find a girl who cares about your feeling and needs and not just her own...
ya.. it was weird.. because when I was holding her for the last time we made out for a bit... then she was like "what are we doing..." "its over, time to let go.." and she was crying... I asked her why she was crying if she didnt care or love me anymore.. and she said "because I am sad all the time.."
just somewhere in my heart i want to believe that she will come back when she starts to think with her heart too.. but reality is.. she is probably done... sad but i need to start facing the truth...so hard to do...
Linear Mode
