| Think I Love her, Think I Lost her.
First off i want to thank everyone who does read this and gives me some advice. This is the first time i am resorting to typing out my situation on a forum, but after reading some of the advice on here, i thought this would be the best place to do so.
Long story so let me get started. My girlfriend and I are both 20 years old. Both going to college, next semester we'll be going to the same college actually.
Background Info : Her and i are both alike in the sense that, when we're single we don't go "hooking up" with people at parties and such. We pretty much have fun with our friends, but only get intimate with someone we are in a relationship with. We both couldn't cheat on someone we cared so much about. I've had some girlfriends in the past but, only lasted a few months, weren't really serious. Her on the other hand, she's gone through some tough times. 2 boyfriends, long (over a year) relationships, both cheated on her and were real jerks. Her last relationship ended over 2 years ago. I mean ... i can't stand these guys for what they did to her because of how much i care for her.
How it began : Last summer we met through friends and instantly found that we had a lot in common. Slowly became great friends, spent more and more time together. Before we knew it we were doing something together almost every other day. We both kinda realized we found people that were very special. Started kissing, holding hands ... the signs of becoming more then just friends. We continued like this for a couple months until i asked her to become my girlfriend, she responded by saying " i'm not ready for a relationship right now, but i really like you, i just dont think i'm ready ". Didn't think much of it and just continued. 2 weeks later she tells me she's ready, i asked her if she was sure, she was. So we were officially together.
Where it goes wrong : Things were great, no arguments nothing. A month into it i realize shes distancing herself. I brought it up, and she said, She doesn't want to hurt me, and that she doesn't deserve me. That the last thing she wants to do is hurt me, and that we should take a break.
I was pretty devastated, my first serious relationship, and this happens. And we weren't just boyfriend/girlfriend, but we were best friends. Neither of us had been so open and comfortable with another person like we were with each other. Of course i tried No Contact, didn't last long, i was looking for a way to get her back ... all that stuff. Then i realized i had to give her time and space. So we went about a month, talking minimally, studying together occasionally, and i matured a lot. Learned what i did wrong, how to better myself.
Fast Forward : We started going out again, we were pretty much in a relationship without the title. Went like that for a couple months and she started distancing herself again. Brought it up. She was scared again. This time i told her that i wanted her to make a decision, whether we were gunna be just friends, or get back together. Took about 4 days of no contact for her to call me saying she missed me and wanted to work things out.
We slowly got back into it again, same story. Couple months, started getting scared again, distancing herself. Did the same thing, told her that she needs to realize what she wants, kuz it hurts. She came back again saying she wants me to be in her life, that she can't imagine life without me.
Friends were telling me its time for her to make up her mind. And of course, me not wanting to lose her, would accept her coming back without becoming official again. I just didn't want to lose her, why ruin a good thing. But this happened again a couple weeks ago. This time i couldn't take it anymore. I brought it up, told her that look " We shouldn't talk or see each other for a while, we both need some space to think, and realize what we need to do. " I said " Look, maybe you won't be ready for me, i dont know, maybe you'll be ready for the next guy that comes around, i dont know. But what i do know is that, Time, isn't helping here, nothing is changing with time. " I told her that i think she should talk to someone about it, a cousin (doesn't really have any close friends). Because she's confused and we aren't moving forward.
Shes always told me, and said it again, " I don't want to be ready for anyone else, i wanna be ready for you. I can't imagine us not talking, or you not being a part of my life. " We both agreed that this time and space would be good, and that after our finals (around mid may) we would come together, talk and come to a solution. I told her that if she does realize something, that she should call me.
Today : It's been over a week of no contact whatsoever. I won't lie, its been hard, hard as Hell. I miss her, miss waking to a phone call from her, texts all that. I have realized a lot in this time, but i do still want her to be a part of my life. It's been hard not to call, have had some close calls, but i haven't, not yet. Waiting for her to make the call.
All i ever really wanted was a second chance. I'm a different more mature person now. I know i'm not supposed to have hope, but it's tough not to. Just wanted some advice on the situation, if i've played my cards right, and what i should do from this point on.
Once again thank you, i know the post is really long, which makes me appreciate each and every response more due to the length. thank you.
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