Are they ghosts?
Asked Aug 1, 2006, 10:13 AM
Hello, everyone. I really need someone to talk to who won't be biased regarding my thoughts. I'm in a relationship for 2 years now, Lester and I have a 6 month-0ld daughter and I've known him for over two years, too. I just came from a terrible, full of deception relationship from a 32 y/o man when I first met Lester. I was pretty much hurt then, but determined to move on with the help of my friends and family.. Until my best friend introduced Lester to me, at first I waswn't interested at all, but when I saw him, I thought there was something about him that I really want to dig into. Until then we became close friends and had our own little family. I'm happy with him because he is sensitive enough to my feelings and he's responsible as a father and as a partner to me. I have always been open to him, he knows everything that goes on inside of me and love that he does. He's like a best friend to me. This insecurity of mine towards him and his past have been going on for far too long that I really want to stop it before it gets worse. He's everything to me, literally... He's all I have. Especially now that we've moved to his place to start anew, I'm far away from home, my family and my closest friends. I'm a full-time mom, I don't work... And it's really different from how I was before. Sometimes I get insecured about his past with his ex's. I wonder what he could've told them before and if what he told me means most compared to them.. You know... I wonder if he's not comparing me to them in any way, I wonder if he thinks I'm the best among all of the girls he'd had....etc. Having a child wasn't planned but we embraced it anyway and planned for our lives together. But up to now, I don't think I've truly accepted the fact that I'm a full-time mom. Everything just happened so quickly.I feel like there has been a great deal of drastic change in my personal life, everything has become a routine for me, and sometimes I envy him because he gets to go out and see the world outside, unlike me that I stay at home, and I only get to see the "outside" when I'm with him and our baby.. For one reason is because I'm very new to this place and I might get lost and he's very protective of me to be outside with all the ill-hearted, taking advantage crooks around.
I hope you understood what I just wrote.. Why are his past the ones haunting me? Or am I just denying something I don't want?