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I am in ANOTHER jam now. I am on facebook to keep in touch with my friends from school and all, and on the "looking for" part I had "random play" but I didnt mean that I want to go out and randomly hook up with girls, i just meant mess around on the site. The EX just saw it and FREAKED OUT! She is sooooo pissed off at me and I didnt do anything. I had a picture of me and her on there but I had to change it becasue I cant look at pics of me and her anymore, its too hard. I am an idiot, i know I did something dumb, but she knows me better than that. I called her and tried to explain myself to her, but she wont hear it, all she says is "its over" then I ask "for good?" and all she says is "i dont know". Am I out of there because of something this trivial? I did not hook up with anyone and I want her back. I know I am an idiot, but I just didnt think it was a big deal. She is talking to me on the phone, but she wont see me at all. This just happened today, what can I do? I really dont want to lose her, and she has no reason not to trust me. I have never been the kind of guy that hook up at random. I love her and I want her back more than anything. I was going to try and play it cool, but now I am just in the dog house because of a stupid web site!? PLEASE HELP ME!
Seriously - you're screwed dude. That was supid. There no way around it. It's a form of cheating. It's beyound stupid if you actually have a relationship with one woman. IT'S NOT TRIVIAL. To her you're out there trolling for woman.
All I can say is - GIVE HER SPACE. Don't call, never beg - ever. Let her sort things out. I wouldn't call her for now because you will only make it worse.
See - you BROKE her trust massively. I doubt she will ever respect and trust you again.
Your intentions may not have been to hurt her, but walk a mile in her shoes. How do you think you would feel if it was her doing those things? If you love this girl and want her back then write her a letter letting her know that you respect her feelings, you want to speak to her face to face and apoligize but will wait until she is ready to do that. Don't try explaining anything in the letter, just let her know you were not thinking straight and that your actions were immature and selfish. It really doesn't matter that you say that you didn't intend hooking up with someone, your actions gave the impression that you were open to it. If you want to date this girl, or any other for that matter, with the intentions of it leading to marriage, date 2 years (not 4, 5 10 years), get to know each other really well, ask all the important questions, religion, kids or no kids, who will stay home and raise the kids, disclose all pertinent family info(like my family is a little psycho kinda stuff) and all that jazz. If your feelings toward this girl are that strong and that sincere, then it's pretty likely she will eventually be open to talk to you about it. I don't know all of your particulars but if she is your "ex" and you two were not in negotiations to get back together, then technically speaking you did nothing wrong, even if you did have intentions of meeting someone. That's why it's called "broken-up", you have the freedom to do what you like. However, at no time should you ever do anything so lame (like dating her friend) that she would not even want to remain friends with you. Refrain from calling her 10 times a day and just send her that note. She will probably admire the fact that you are respecting her wishes and doing as she said. You'll get through it.
Get out of that website if you are serious about her
Yup, you said it, you did something dumb. Were you in such a hurry to apply to this website that you did not take the time to read it fully and fill out the little 'dots' correctly or was that a freudian slip? If this happened today, how many times did you call her? May I suggest that you unsubscribe from that site, send her an email to let her know, or write her a letter if you are serious about wanting her back. But you will probably have to wait a while for her to come back because she has a lot to think and reflect about. She will be angry now, and will hopefully look at the pros and cons of your relationship - hope there are more 'cons' for your sake. This will give you time to do a little reflecting too. If you are 'destined' to get back together, it will happen, but don't push it. All wounds need a bit of time to heal, so tell her you'll give her all the time she needs. You will find out if she left you for this reason only, or another and needed the right excuse, and you gave it to her. This might be a possibility that you'll have to face when the time comes, so prepare yourself. Taking these steps right now will give you a start.. If she no longer wants the relationship with you, you can always join the website again and start over. Keep us posted and good luck.
Yes, I get it, I did something STUPID but I did not have the intention of "trolling for women". I dont want to find girls on the internet. It is a college web site where you keep in contact with your friends, thats it. It is NOT a dtaing web site. I TOTALLY understand why she would be upset about it, but the thing is, she knows me better than that. She know I dont do things like hook up with girls at random, I just dont think that way, sorry. She just called and apologized to me for over reacting to it, and said she has just been really stressed out this week. I get that it was stupid of me to put that, but there were only 4 choices, and thats the one I picked, i didnt write that in. I should have thought about it more, but honestly, the site is just dumb. The only reason I got onto it is to keep in touch with some old friends. She has been playing some major games with me over the past month and a half, so I dont think it is fair of you to say some of these things. I know I havent toatlly explained the situation so I will try now. She left for 2 months to study abroad, THE DAY she got back she said she needed "time to figure things out". One day she will be heartless and mean, so I say "screw it" the next she is sooooo sweet to me. Even her sister (one of my good friends) called me and said "I dont know what her problem is, but dont let her play games with you like this, you are a good guy and she will realize that". I know it was something boneheaded, and i honestly never gave it a seccond thought. A few weeks after we broke up we hung out and I saw a message she sent to some guy calling him sexy and she wished she was back at the beach with him. When I asked her about it she got pissed, told me it was none of my business, and she doesnt have to answer to me. I hope this sheds some light on things, I am not a bad guy, i just made a dumb mistake, dont hold that against me.
Don't be upset with us please. We did not get the 'whole picture' because you did not 'paint it'. We are here to help as best as we can and can only pick up on what is written. We are not generally judgemental, so don't take us for that, please. Wildcat and I get 'into it' sometimes but we are friends and just like to banter a bit, but we do want to help others to get out of stressful and/or confusing times as much as we can. Don't give up on us, we will always be here to listen and sometimes even learn. You sound like an intelligent young man and I think you'll do just fine. Take care and keep us posted.
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