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Is ther anyone out there married to an ex child molester?
My parents stayed together after my Dad molested my sister. Of course it was a different time and it was not reported. We all grew up loving each other and forgiving the flaws and we all grew to be normal productive citizens. Then I married a man who molested my daughter. I called social service, had him arrested, and divorced him. But the love I feel though changed has never died and my kids are all grown. Can a relationship after the fact still work? Is anybody out there trying it. This man tore my world apart once, I can not go through that again. Is anybody out there making it work?
I just wanted to thank you all for your responses. I really needed a good dose of reality. Although it was easier to read and think about the responses that were more civil, many of you attacking me still made great points and I have read and re-read them all. I hope if there is anyone else out there in my situation, you've made it past the first couple of pages and really got some help on the subject too. And believe me when I tell you this, there are alot more women out there than me confused on the subject. Out of my ex-husbands counciling group of six. Four of the wives stayed married to their man. Hard to believe but unfortunately, true. I think those of us that have had bad experiences in the past just tend to find these losers more than others and it colors or judgement because we think that everyone has there own problems because we have been surrounded by it our whole lives. In my case my mother was raped by her father, my sister by hers, and several friends who also had incidences in their past. To me it seemed that many more people had problems in this area than most people knew of and it made it easier to forgive. Now, I think it may be like victims of physical abuse who end up finding a man that beats them. We subconsciously seek out what we know. I still believe that people are mainly good and believe that most people can be rebilitated if given a fair chance, but am now armed with knowledge and the points of view of others who's perspectives have not been tainted.
My daughter, now 12, just told me she was being molested by my ex-fiance when she was 6! Our justice systems says that even though her story is airtight, there has to be a confession from the abuse (hello..I havent spoken to the slug in 5 years or more) or physical evidence. There are neither so we cant prosecute. The hurt and anger that I feel right now is devastating so naturally your question is making my skin crawl!!
My reply to you-Pedophilia is not a flaw that can be overcome, it is a serious DEFECT! If you think his "craving" was satisfied with your daughter, your wrong! Chances are, he did it before your daughter and has done it since because there is NO CURE! Please ask yourself "How could I lay next to a man that is attracted to children" say it out loud.
You dont need him back, you need closure. Get help now! A mother's job is to protect her child at all costs! and one more thing I want you to ask yourself OUT LOUD, "HOW WOULD YOUR DAUGHTER REACT IF SHE READ YOUR QUESTION?????
I just wanted to thank you all for your responses. I really needed a good dose of reality. Although it was easier to read and think about the responses that were more civil, many of you attacking me still made great points and I have read and re-read them all. I hope if there is anyone else out there in my situation, you've made it past the first couple of pages and really got some help on the subject too. And believe me when I tell you this, there are alot more women out there than me confused on the subject. Out of my ex-husbands counciling group of six. Four of the wives stayed married to their man. Hard to believe but unfortunately, true. I think those of us that have had bad experiences in the past just tend to find these losers more than others and it colors or judgement because we think that everyone has there own problems because we have been surrounded by it our whole lives. In my case my mother was raped by her father, my sister by hers, and several friends who also had incidences in their past. To me it seemed that many more people had problems in this area than most people knew of and it made it easier to forgive. Now, I think it may be like victims of physical abuse who end up finding a man that beats them. We subconsciously seek out what we know. I still believe that people are mainly good and believe that most people can be rebilitated if given a fair chance, but am now armed with knowledge and the points of view of others who's perspectives have not been tainted.
We all wish you well, sometimes a harsh but true response is needed to break a cycle of someones thought processes. We all know hostages can fall in love with their captors, but its not normal or healthy and therefore its important for the captors to be brought out of the cycle of thought that led them to that. I hope, and think we have achieved that. As for reabilitation of molesters, i personally do not believe it is possible but I would love it to be. It is for this reason why I do not take vigilante action against these people even thought the feelings are there. I leave it up to the proffesionals and the authorities.
But like all things in life what the authorities can achieve is limited and they need our help due to personal responsibility.... Like crime prevention and Neibourhood watch ! Therefore I believe it is each our own responsibility to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I applaud you for protecting your children. Unfortunately until there is a cure for this illness, that protection and vigilance Must continue.
I wish you well and thankyou for seeking our help, I trust you will continue to help us in our times of need.
I for one, applaud your courage, and your actions, in saving your child from a life few can understand, as I have seen the devastation of entire families, because of a child being molested and had no help, and ended up in jail, on drugs, and with little means of getting their lives back. Worst of all the molested far to often become the molester. You are as much a victim as your daughter, and I hope you receive the help you need to get whole, and healthy again.
I applaud your courage for not only getting rid of the man but for coming forward with this question. I wish you nothing but the best as you deserve nothing but the best.
Please feel free in anytimes of weakness or lonliness that make you want this man back in your life to contact us for reasurance and support.
Our dose of reality might be harsh, but it is a 100% caring does of reality. Hard to hear the truth, easy to run from it when you hear it. But it takes courage to face, accept and deal with it.
"HOW WOULD YOUR DAUGHTER REACT IF SHE READ YOUR QUESTION?????
Funny you should ask? Obviously you haven't read all of the answers or you would know while thinking about this I actually already asked her how she would feel. Since the damage had already been done I sent her a link to this site so she could read for herself. I honestly felt like if she read the conclusion to it she would understand where my head was and perhaps stop the cycle. I certainly don't want her accepting anything short of perfection from her mate!
You know the sad irony is that the perverts are just selfish people with a twisted faulty sexual desire. And there actions are not that of someone who cares about other poeple or the damage they cause but only their own selfish sexual gratification. It is however the NORMAL people like us who suffer at the hands of these people. Normal people who are not selfish and care about the well being of others.
Why should we care about someone who knows the damage their actions will cause to not only their victims, but to everyone else around them and instead of putting others first will go ahead anyway. We should not care ! We should not protect them ! And we certainly should not love them !
The love of decent people is earned not given. Dont give these freaks of nature any love.
To the Perverted Abnormal Freaks reading this, you should find this embarrasing and humiliating If you dont then you know without doubt that you are a SICK !
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