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Is ther anyone out there married to an ex child molester?
My parents stayed together after my Dad molested my sister. Of course it was a different time and it was not reported. We all grew up loving each other and forgiving the flaws and we all grew to be normal productive citizens. Then I married a man who molested my daughter. I called social service, had him arrested, and divorced him. But the love I feel though changed has never died and my kids are all grown. Can a relationship after the fact still work? Is anybody out there trying it. This man tore my world apart once, I can not go through that again. Is anybody out there making it work?
Without going political or without going into individual views (Both of which I am guilty of). I hope we have been of help to you and any others going through this trumatic and confusing experience.
I am kind of in the same situation. My boyfriend molested my 10 year old daughter. I still have love for him. I feel guilty feeling this way, but how to you force love out of your heart. He will probably go to prison as his trial is in October. My husband died two years ago and I started seeing this guy and fell in love with him. After he molested my daughter I wanted to kill him and I hated him. After awhile I feel that I love him again. It really is an unhealthy situation. Stress, Guilt, Shame, Humiliation. In all reality, he sucks. He is a creepy child molester. But on the other hand, what the heck are you supposed to do. Probably just let him go and get over it. Time does heal all wounds.
How can you love a child molester? They looked at child with lust in their minds and acted on it. What is to love about someone like that? They cheated on you, with your child? When they were having sex with you they were probably dreaming about your child. Just waiting for the moment that they could be alone with them, you were just a nuisance an inconvience to deal with, until they could get your child alone. How many moments were they gazing in your eyes just waiting for a chance to get to your child? How can you find a person like that sexually attractive? What could you find to talk about? Would you be proud with them walking down the street with you? Could you ever trust them around a child again? Tell me what is there to possibly love about someone that decieved you and slipped behind your back and did evil things to your baby and destroyed her innocence and trust in mankind.? Please tell me I really want to know. Do you not understand that they are fake. That everything they did was an act from the beginning till the end. They enjoyed what they did to your child that is why they did it. They knew it was wrong that is why they did the molesting without anyones knowledge. They were not sorry, they did not confess, Did they? They did not seek help before they acted out, Did they? People say molesters are sick. I say phooey sick people get help they go to doctors etc and ask for help. Evil people play out their fantasys, and expect their victims to enjoy it. In my opinion an island full of child sexual predators or death would be a good option for them. I say keep them away from children regardles of where they live. I say 1 strike and your out.
They cheated on you, with your child? When they were having sex with you they were probably dreaming about your child. Just waiting for the moment that they could be alone with them, you were just a nuisance an inconvience to deal with, until they could get your child alone. Do you not understand that they are fake. That everything they did was an act from the beginning till the end. .
I guess that reading the post from the people who had / have feelings for a child molester. Two things spring to mind.
1. The partners of the molesters do not look at children in the same way as the molester and have in all fairness difficulty in relating to these people. Because we all know it is a sickness this might lead the partners to falsely see things in the wrong way, due to confused emotions. Therefor these people might see this as a an uncontrolled sickness as opposed to cheating ! (Wrong way to view it, misguided and dangerous, but I can see where you get this).
Now taking the sex act with a child out of the equation for the moment ! (bear with me). If you are with a person and they cheat on you with another - stranger - friend or even a family member ...... That is cheating, a betrayal of trust and reason alone to end the relationship. REMEMBER THIS - THEY HAVE CHEATED ON YOU.....
Now the sick perverts do not consider the act of sex with a child wrong, therefore the act of cheating on you was planned and calculated.
2. The fact that this person is fully aware that their actions are not normal and will cause permanent damage to the person who they FORCE the relationship on and yet they still continue only proves that all they care about is their own selfish needs. Instead of getting help they will destroy the lives of you and your family. Who wants to love someone like that.
My parents stayed together after my Dad molested my sister. Of course it was a different time and it was not reported. We all grew up loving each other and forgiving the flaws and we all grew to be normal productive citizens. Then I married a man who molested my daughter. I called social service, had him arrested, and divorced him. But the love I feel though changed has never died and my kids are all grown. Can a relationship after the fact still work? Is anybody out there trying it. This man tore my world apart once, I can not go through that again. Is anybody out there making it work?
PLEASE EXCUSE ME, BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS COMMON SENSE THAT WHEN YOU BRING A CHILD INTO THE WORLD THEY ARE THE NUMBER ONE PRIORITY. IF YOU DON'T KNOW THIS, THEN YOU SHOULD'VE NEVER HAVE BROUGHT A CHILD INTO TO THIS WORLD. HMM, A HAPPY & HEALTHY CHILD OR MOMMY FINDING LOVE, GIVE ME A BREAK LADY.
SELFISH SELFISH SELFISH, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT HAVING CHILDREN. GET YOUR MIND RIGHT.
Thank you for being brave enough to post this question. You are helping anyone out there who might have the same problem.
I think it's not that you love him, but I do believe that you feel/think you love him. This is because you are probably lonely in the relationship department. You don’t seem to have any man in your life right now… this is guessing on my part.
You seem to have never mentioned being with another guy since the pedophile. Why? Has there been another guy? I'm talking about something serious here.
If not, this can play a serious factor in why you still want this man: he is the last memory you associate with being in a guy’s arms and having a relationship. If this is the case, then maybe it’s not only your daughter that has a tad bit of discomfort or trust issues…
You probably also see him as a guy who shows you he will always love you... but believe that a part of this is because he doesn't really have a choice. There's no where to go for him. He is using you. This is because it's hard to get a woman to love you when you have a record of touching young children. Also, believe that if he had the choice of having a child partner instead of you, he would do so (I mean he even wanted your daughter, knowing that this could potentially end things with you). In the end, what I'm saying is, don't be fooled by any affection you feel from him.
Also, I believe you should ponder on this: do you think you can do better than a child molester? Do you think you can find someone better than this man? I believe you can, but if you bring him back into your life, trust that it will hurt these chances.
I will tell you why there is more support for families with drug abuse and alcoholics (you questioned something like this and why there isn’t support for families who have a molester amongst them).
Let’s take a look at alcoholics for example: these people are thought of having a disease because they can barely function with their family at times, they miss work or come in as a mess at times, they’ve been known to act-up in front of people, or etc. And thus they lose control, to the point that they don’t really hide their illness in public anymore…
Now, something very different about child molesters is that they try in everyway to hide what they do to their victims. They go behind peoples backs, tell the children they hurt to stay quiet, and they NEVER make-out with a kid in public.
See the difference now?
They know very well what they are doing is wrong, and have enough self control to be model citizens in public. If they are so sick, why do they not start kissing their victim in front of you? They don’t because they “can control it”. BUT when they are behind closed doors, they suddenly “choose” to kick off their shoes and to “not control” it…
To me, this is a person who knows what they are doing.
Believe me that your ex knew what he was doing was wrong, knew it could mean losing you (his wife), BUT, he decided to take his chances because he just couldn’t resist touching your child. So, he actually thought for that moment that losing you was worth taking a taste of a child. He’s not daft is he? I mean he did know who the mother of the child was right?
My parents stayed together after my Dad molested my sister. Of course it was a different time and it was not reported. We all grew up loving each other and forgiving the flaws and we all grew to be normal productive citizens. Then I married a man who molested my daughter. I called social service, had him arrested, and divorced him. But the love I feel though changed has never died and my kids are all grown. Can a relationship after the fact still work? Is anybody out there trying it. This man tore my world apart once, I can not go through that again. Is anybody out there making it work?
well i believe you need to stay away from this man,he not only hurt you daughter but this man can affect the second generation, your precious grandchildren. whats not to say he's thinking about that.
also have you figure out whats causing you to attract this kind of people in your live.
are you to nice , get some help fast because your daddy had open a door that you need to shut-down for ever.
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