I followed everyone's advice and spoke to him about everything even telling him that i don't trust him and I feel so much better besides feeling exhausted!

I brought up instances that I remember very clearly and his response was:-

Shocked! But, as its all of a sexual nature, he said that he felt sick and awful that I think of him this way and is devastated. He said its in my head, which I have not taken lightly, as I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and to be told that its in my head is devastating, as that means I'm sick. He swore on his family that it wasn't true and that I didn't see what I thought I saw. He blatantly sat there and said that what I saw didn't happen.

The problem is now I am starting to doubt myself. I know that I don't trust my instincts and I know I have a trust issue in the first place, but I am not blind. Is the sky blue?

I feel so exhausted! How do I get it out of him, as I don't think he is ever going to tell me.

What do I do? I'm not sure how I feel.

I forgot to mention that I have told him I am going home for a few weeks to think about everything, do you think this is right?

He asked if I was coming back- I said yes, I can't just walk away from everything!!

chuff

I think it's a great idea for you to go home for awhile. It sounds like you've overcome so much don't fall backwards because of one guy. Your life is to precious to waste on someone who gives you guilt trips.

talaniman

Take a long break and decide if you want someone who undermines your sanity and makes you doubt what your eyes see.

BIM

You have absolutely don the right thing!! This man is trying to undermind you and you cannot let him do that. You need to stay strong and leave to take time and think. Hopefully you come to the conclusion that you deserve better than this!! If he is willing to sit at stare you square in the face and lie...you don't want him in the first place!!!!!! If he is playing "footsie" right in front of you what is he doing when you are not there!!!! Also, what kind of friend would do that to you also? Why would she allow him to do that?

"Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again" (sounds corney) but so true.

He is the one that is going to lose in this situation. He will be losing you and everything you two have built together. He can have his "footsie friends" and the empty relationships that come with them.

Good luck and stay strong.

Aussie

He keeps asking me if I am ok today and that he is worried about me, its making me feel guilty and questioning myself! I know what I have seen with my eye's. I have told him 6 times now! I can't believe that I am mad! I have even wandered if I could have imagined these things as a result from my past, but that can't be true, as I am a sane person...considering!

With the footsie thing, I even remember moving his leg and her reaction! I have been re-confirming things in my mind for a long time.

She's an old friend of his, they went to school together! Not mine thank goodness, as we have never got on.

Anyway,

kp2171

i think you need the time and space.

and his denying what you clearly saw doesnt mean a thing. a cheater can act with the best of them. if hes been fooling around behind you, hes been acting all along anyway.

the only new thing id say is the hypocrite comment from his friend might mean something different. i assumed this was his calling her a hypocrite because she was probably fooling around with him, and then she was going to go out with you.

after hearing how you never got on, maybe she just talks smack about you and doesnt like you and was being two faced in his eyes.

i dunno.

i think if you saw what you saw, theres more there. even if hes not with her, he crossed a line in front of you that i would not accept... and ive already told you i am pretty comfortable with my wife innocently flirting now and then.

Wildcat21

YEP - cheaters are the best actors - look at Hollywood.

I agree - you need some time to your self. This guy needs time to GROW UP!!!!

I believe he will tell you anythng right now - he doesn't respect you.

ilovcali

Yes, you did the right thing. I doubt all of the things you remember are in your head. Also, remember, your gut is usually right. Almost always. My ex did the same things. I don't think she cheated, but she did many things which were baffling. And when I pointed them out to her, she would say she never realized this stuff bothered me, or why it would. Then she would do it again. And again, and a again.

You've done all you can. If he is this uncompromising and has such a lack of understanding, then he is not right. Also, it is characteristic of these types of immature people to blame their partners for their own flaws. My ex did that too. On the day we broke-up she blamed me, when in fact the one at fault was staring her in the mirror.

Immature people never accept their faults. It's much easier to cast blame on others than really examine yourself.

You're already hurt, time to climb out of the hole rather than dig it deeper. Good luck.

Aussie

Thanks to you both,

Thanks, you have certainly hit the nail on the head the girl. It just seemed like they sat there and smirked in my face though. I felt so little.
I have been questioning my sight all day, but can back myself by remembering what else happened before and after. I have never had a problem with remembering things even if I am drunk.

He was looking sideways when he was swearing that it wasn't true.

He just sent me a text message saying that if I need to go home then go, but remember he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me! It's killing me! He could be acting like you and wildcat21 say to try and save things. ???

Wildcat21

Of course he is acting.

"He was looking sideways when he was swearing that it wasn't true." He didn't look you in the eye????????? Bingo!