I followed everyone's advice and spoke to him about everything even telling him that i don't trust him and I feel so much better besides feeling exhausted!

I brought up instances that I remember very clearly and his response was:-

Shocked! But, as its all of a sexual nature, he said that he felt sick and awful that I think of him this way and is devastated. He said its in my head, which I have not taken lightly, as I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and to be told that its in my head is devastating, as that means I'm sick. He swore on his family that it wasn't true and that I didn't see what I thought I saw. He blatantly sat there and said that what I saw didn't happen.

The problem is now I am starting to doubt myself. I know that I don't trust my instincts and I know I have a trust issue in the first place, but I am not blind. Is the sky blue?

I feel so exhausted! How do I get it out of him, as I don't think he is ever going to tell me.

What do I do? I'm not sure how I feel.

I forgot to mention that I have told him I am going home for a few weeks to think about everything, do you think this is right?

He asked if I was coming back- I said yes, I can't just walk away from everything!!

Aussie

Yes, somehow I have turned it around and am blaming and making up excuses! I just can't see the wood through the trees at the mo. I know I need to trust myself, but I am quite an indecisive person at the best of times and need reassurance! I just can't trust my instincts for some reason! I need to make sure that what I saw....I saw! God.....I wish I could believe myself.

I need to start watching out for me, but I need to find the strength first....I need to take steps with all this. I know the situation I have landed myself. It's very weird.......but I can only take one step at a time.

Aussie

Yes, I hadn't realised until you pointed it out, I guess I just wish it wasn't!

Wildcat21

YES! You must absolutely do this - sounds like this guy manipulates you.

BIM

Exactly--lie detector? Cannot imagine going to that length rather than trust what was infront of you.

goldnugget

you sound like you are in a similar position to me. i have recently separated from a good liar and cheater and am still in terrible pain. he also raised taking a lie detector test which surprised me because i had never heard of anyone actually doing that before. he even called up and booked the test. i told him not to be so ridiculous but he was determined to go ahead with it. needless to say, he cancelled it the day before it was scheduled...he was very good at playing with my head and still is. i am taking steps to let go of the relationship but it is very hard as i still love him so much. i spoke to the agency with whom he had booked the test and the tester told me that it was very common for men who are expert manipulators and liars to do such a thing and then cancel the test. it would be interesting to know if your partner does the same. i hope you are okay. i know how painful it is.

Wildcat21

Sometimes when we are in a relationship - we don't want to believe the bad - the huge red flags. We're more interested in being in a relationship than the reality of that PERSON! Sure they may have some good - but the bad can be really bad.

Wildcat21

Yes - if comes down to a lie ditector - probably should think about just moving on!

LUNAGODDESS

Question...does he take any medication...has he talked about suicide...does he get angry a lot...and over little things...?

cbmb

kp2171 is right "on the money". In a similar situation I saw a very bright guy is a master at saying things that a woman wants to hear. I wanted to believe for so long (and still do) that he meant it. He was also a master at making it seem like my paranoia was unfounded. In the end I did some "nutty" things as a result and he then put a guilt trip on me for doing things to violate his trust. Although what I did was wrong it completely took the focus off of him and his deceit.

I have taken a LONG time to trust my own instincts but I'm finally getting there. You need to trust your own instincts. Your instincts need to come before your needs sometimes- often, if you are needy (which you may be as a result of your background) and drawn to abuse, you will twist your instincts and the truth so you can paint the picture of him that you need to. I did that for the last year - and my breakup was only 2 mos ago - believe me, I know. It's very hard but the time off may help you see more clearly.

Skell

I dont think you should have to make him take a lie detector. trust your own judgement.
it is fairly plain to see he is lying from what you have told us here.
He manipulates you and you doubel guess yoursefl all the time. that isnt healthy.
Whether he cheats or not it doesnt appear to me that he treats you well.
Just my opinion. Plus you cant TRUST him. And in my mind you are right. Just wish you could see it as well!