I need alot of help with everything thats goin on. Theirs alot and its so long of a story that i dont even know where to begin. We have been together for almost 2 years. I wont say the whole story because its way too long but i will tell you bits and peices. Right now, he thinks i want his friend and i dont. so hes kida ignoring me. I only can talk to him at school and thats it. He wrote a note saying that he feels bad about leaving me but he doesnt wanna be hurt anymore. Their is nothing that anyone can say or do to get me to change my mind.... i already know that no matter what and even if i want to i will not give up on trying to keep us together. Even if I Want to give up on it i wont. I just need some help on trying to get him to understand that i really do love him and i dont want anyone else and i dont want him to be hurt but i wanna stay with him forever. I want him to know that I want things between us to be better than they ever were before and us to try to have fun together and get along better and not be misserable together because we both do love each other and we both dont like hurting each other and going throgh this but some how this is how it is............ i tried writing all this to him in a note but he said that one of his friends took it from him and that he never got it back. I told him to try to call me if he can and he said he would but he never did, then again he really isnt aloud to so maybe thats why..... I tried giving him another note and he said "i'l just lose it" so i ended up keeping it and he never read it. I told him to call me then and that was yesterday. So far he hasnt called. he said he would try though. And when i try to talk to him, he acts like he doesnt know me. I think that since he hasnt read that note he may still think that i want his friend and not him so he may be confused as to why i am talking to him. The day before yesterday, i told him in person that i want him and everything, then we kinda talked for like 10 seconds but then later i went back up to him and he just seemed mad again. This was right before we got out of school that day and then he just kinda walked away from me. The only time he talks to me is when i go up to him and he doesnt really say anything. But he sits next to me in 2 classes and in the 2nd one that we have together, he kept looking at me like he was trying to get my attention and then i kinda looked at him and then looked away and he just said "dont look at me like that"
But i dont know what to do.,. I mean from what i said, do you think if i wait, he will seee im not even talking to his friend and start to come back to me? Should i keep trying to talk or wait a little while before i say more to him? whats the best way to get him to come to me?
And he thinks i want his friend because of something that happened a few weeks ago.... He said he was talking to anoither girl and was going to leave me for her so i lied and said i wanted his friend and then he said he was just joking about her then he said it wasnt a lie and i dont know what to believe their becuase he makes things up sometimes to try to make me mad or see what i would do . but then i noticed him ignoring me so i told him that if he didnt want me to give to his friend because i was mad about eveything he told me about that other girl and when all thart was going on he said he didnt want me anymore so he was going to give to his friend. That all made me mad when i was only thinking about it so i said that to him but only becayse of everything he said to me.


I may have givin u somewhat the wrong idea or not enough info on this because its such along story but i tried to make it short.
but basiccaly i wanna know how i can get him to talk to me

jrebel7

Beth, I am using a quote from one of your first pages of posts because there have now been 420 posts, many people taking their time and energy who are basically trying to share with you what is best in a situation like yours and that is to bail. Walk and don't look back. If he loves you, he will return to you. If he doesn't, nothing you can do will ever change that.

The energy you have put into a person who is not returning your love, who is doing his own thing time after time, should be a red flag to you to start giving yourself some respect and be open to another who will return your love, give you respect and not make you so miserable.

If he looks sad, he can always call you. You are always available to him. He knows that.

Give yourself some credit for being a human being who can stand strong, accept what is obvious. If he is hiding truth from you about his feelings, his need to tell you those feelings will drive him to do so. If you do not hear from him, you will know you misread him.

You say you don't believe in God, yet you have had dreams you asked for to help guide you and the dreams appear from your post to be saying there is someone else out there who will want to hold your hand, want to love you. God does exist and He wants good for your life. He wants to lead you to someone who can bless you with acceptance and love and give you all this guy cannot and will not.

Make a decision for you. He walked away a long time ago. I know that hurts your heart. It would mine also but I would hope someone would say to me, what I am saying to you, "Walk away, regain your self respect as the person you are meant to be. Fill your life with positive, healthy emotions and when those hurtful feelings and doubts that you are doing the right thing surface, cast them down from your mind. Start living in the present and not in the past. You have a bright future but as long as you struggle to hold on to the possibility of this guy returning to you, you have made your own prison." Break free Beth and live your live with boldness, strength, self-respect.

Be thankful for those who have stood with you as you hurt, appreciate their kindness. Repay that kindness by becoming the person they are hoping for you to become, happy, strong and independent. You can do this.....it will be difficult, you have placed yourself in a never ending circle of unhappiness and panic. Make a decision in your head, your heart will follow. As you begin to wean away from the "drama" of this situation, I promise you, you will look back and be sad for the time you have put into a person who offered very little in return. Most guys want to hold onto some tiny part of each women they have dated, you know, just in case the next one doesn't work out. You are allowing him and yourself to dictate how you live each and every day.

CHOOSE WELL BETH! YOUR WHOLE FUTURE DEPENDS ON THE CHOICES YOU MAKE TODAY, THE NEXT MORNING, THE NEXT MORNING, AND SO ON.

I would venture to bet that most people who have posted to you have had similar experiences in their lives where they were crazy about a guy who once was Mr. Wonderful then moved on yet tried to hang on, just a bit. That is why as you look for someone to tell you what you want to hear, you are finding people telling you what you need to hear.

I wish you the best but only you can make that happen.

Wondergirl

Two guys out of kazillions that go into the military.......... If you make yourself interesting while he's away, he's coming looking for you.

What do you think he should do when he's out of h.s. (if he doesn't join the Army)?

jrebel7

Wondergirl agrees: Trouble is, he's come back and things have been good lately. Intermittent reinforcement.

My point exactly! He is intermittent in his attention and commitment. The trouble as I see it is not so much that he comes back and things have been good from time to time but that Beth is willing to allow him to continue the same pattern over and over and over again which only causes her pain. From her posts, he is back, things are good, he is gone, he is happy flirting with someone else and such with someone else, Beth is caused pain, he is back, he is gone and so it continues. My concern is not for him, but Beth and her self-respect, and future happiness. I don't want to see her establish a pattern by habit to allow guys to continue to do to her what this guy has done. Put it to him once, next time he is gone, have some self-control and say "No thank you!" Every End Is A New Beginning! New beginnings are exciting and healthy and offer a future, not a constant instant replay that causes pain. I am not saying it is an easy decision but just saying it is a healthy one emotionally.

Wondergirl

For several months, Clough and Grammadidi and I and many others have said exactly that, to no avail. Unfortunately, we cannot be there to hold her hand and give her advice when he calls or comes around or when they see each other at school. When she finally got herself together enough to ignore him and start making a life without him, he noticed and rang her chimes. She unfortunately opened the door.

Intellectually, she knows what she should do.

jrebel7

True, one cannot hold another's hand and be there at each turn. At some point, Beth will have to make healthy choices on her own. That is why I wrote to her. To encourage her to do so. I know that Craig and Didi and Tal and many other's have been there to try to help her and encourage her to do the same as I encouraged her to do in my post.

Perhaps intellectually, she knows what she should do but I don't think it hurt anything for me to post to her and encourage her to have some personal growth in her life. She will find her way in time. I have no doubt. It is nice that she has had you to bounce things off of as she struggles through this situation. The more input one receives, the more perspective one is able to grasp. Sometimes I have heard the same thing several times, perhaps something as simple as a well-known quote and always liked it but because of a certain circumstance I was in at a particular time and I heard it again, I was more open to the full truth and understanding of it's meaning. So the more Beth reads of other's perspectives, the more she will be able to make up her own mind and reach a happier place. I believe we are all pulling for her to be happy.

beth911

Like ive mentioned and makes sense... he's a sociopath. that pretty much explains it all.