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I'll keep this one quick, just looking for a bit if insight...
Without getting into specifics:
-Girlfriend wants space, trying to handle personal problems.
-Doesn't want to "break up", afraid of losing me forever
-She is trying to feel things out without me, her personal problems being she is TOO dependent which leads to obsession, anger, treating me poorly
-The "space" apart is meant to (hopefully) allow her to not take me for granted and appreciate the time we get more = less stupid arguing about nothing
Heres the problem, she gets lonely too quick (due to the constant communication we had, both our problems, I admit). She will be terribly upset after one day, and call me. I told her about it and said by doing that she won't be able to experience what she wants, life without me being her support.
As the relationship isn't necessarily over (yet i guess), how do I handle if she calls? (right now the cells dead and im not rushing to charge it ) Do I let it go and then call after time has passed? I don't want to answer, but sometimes its hard to watch the phone ring when you know someone you care about so much is so upset.
haha..bigbird, i know. The first 11 days of NC or so were easy. The past 2 days have been a little tougher but I'm no where near a sobbing mess or anything. Just starting to miss him a little more. I figure if I can get through the first 2 weeks, I can get through the next 2 weeks.
Yeah, 2 nights in a row with dreams of me and my ex together like we used to be. Just miss seeing his face. But whatever, I'll just look in the mirror. My face is better!! haha
Things are still dragging a bit but I'm hanging in there. I've been missing her a bit more lately, though it hasn't been devastating, I'm just a little down.
Last night was a rough night because I had a dream that she was seeing someone else. Well, this dream woke me up and it was all I could think about, so all my dreams thereafter were about the same thing. I finally got sick of it and got out of bed, so here I am. Still trying to get those thoughts out of my head -- I know it was just a dream and meant nothing but still.
It's been tough not to check her messenger status but I'm not letting myself. I don't want to know. I did have to write her an email as she bought me something for my birthday which was linked to a credit card and I switched it over to my account, but the payment for this month was charged to her. I'm trying to contact her so I can pay her back - was that a bad mood? I can't just expect her to pay the $50 for me.
On a lighter note I'll be home tomorrow for the summer. I'm looking forward to that because the lack of things to do at school and the constant sitting in my room is really starting to wear me down -- its a bunch more time for me to sit and think about her.
I'm going to try to listen to some music now because these images of her with someone else are going to break me....
I know how you feel. Its starting to get harder now but it'll pass...hopefully.
Yeah, i get fleeting moments of wondering what he's doing and who he's doing it with, but whatever. Nothing they do now has anything to do with us or is any reflection on us. Seriously, it isn't! They'll never find anyone better than us.. so whatever. Their loss!
As for the $50, if you've already contacted her, oh well. Just don't aggressively try to get it resolved. She can suck up the extra $50 if she has to. $50 is the least she could do for you.
NC is awesome. Its really helping. Day 15, yay!! Anytime I think of calling him I just remember he's not part of my life anymore. Oh well, I have many other people in my life I can turn to. And the last thing I want him to think is that I'm sitting here thinking about him (even if i am)...
It's those hard moments that you need to find something productive to do. Watch a show, a movie, listen to music, read a book, or just come here and vent...someone'll be here.
As far as paying her...I agree with losingit. If you've contacted her, and she wants nothing to do with it, then forget it. She'll contact you if she wants it.
Yeah, I sent the email. If she responds then great. If not, I wont track her down for it. I just know that money was tight for her last I knew and I'd hate for her to be sitting there saying "That cheap b@stard, stealing my money."
losingit I agree about the NC. It definitely helps a lot. I no longer expect to get phone calls and I don't check my phone anymore - I just miss her sometimes still. I'm not in denial or holding onto hope, i'm just a little bummed.
Sneezy I do find things to keep me busy. I have been listening to music and writing a post on the main page. I find writing that kind of stuff out is helpful to straighten out my own thoughts. I feel much better after posting it. Sometimes though, I read some posts which make me question if I could have done things better in my relationship...anyone else ever have that happen?
--EDIT--
Just got an email back. She's basically saying don't worry about the money and enjoy the gift. If it really bothers me I can pay her when I'm home for the summer.
I'm not counting that breaking NC. Sorry if i'm cheating
I'm feeling pretty good today, getting some constructive work done around the house. unpacking from school, doing a little yard work, etc, etc...
After reading a few of other threads on here, my mind has started to bug me. I see these other people who have recently broken up and they have dates scheduled and are seeing people pretty much right away. It starts to worry me because I feel like I haven't done that yet and I don't really see myself doing that. Its not that I don't want to, I just never really have before and I'm afraid that it isnt going to happen...
I guess it might be partly due to the fact that all my friends are in school for another week or so and I don't have much to do at this point. Maybe once more people are home I'll find more things to do and more opportunities to meet people...
I really want to be more outgoing and meet more people - just broaden my horizons, ya know?
Am I just making a bigger deal out of something that isn't?
While emulating others is a great way to learn, it may not be the way you learn. I think you have made a direction of change, you want to go in, and take some thought into how to go about it. Of course, I have a good suggestion, how kind of you to ask. When out and about, make an effort to look people in the eye, and say hello, how are you, nice day. After a week, you will be engaging everybody. It will absolutely freak you out, with how people are drawn to confident happy people.
I forced myself to stay off of facebook in general for the last 2 and a half weeks and this morning I went on. I saw the picture of my ex up there and the last things which she had written to me, about a month ago. Thing is -- it didn't bother me! It was more of an "yeah...oh well" reaction then I just signed off. I guess thats +1 for me getting better
And Tal, yesterday I ran a few errands and I realized that I generally do try to talk to a lot of people if possible if I have to interact with them. What I don't do is talk to people I'm not really interacting with. For example the people in line in front of me, the person I hold the door open for, etc.... Those are my next targets
An update - might be a little long, bear with me...
Last night I went out to a party. Not anyone from my usual group, but I figured it would be a good place to meet people. So I go there and fast forward to the end of the night I ended up kissing a 'friend' (one of my best friend's sister) when she gave me a hug at the end of the night. Not really sure why I did it. Either way, it was awkward and we both knew it.
She sent me a message later that night saying "What was that kiss supposed to mean". I pretty much let it go until this morning, I sent her a text saying I was sorry for last night. She pretty much laughed it off and agreed it was awkward. I guess that situation is solved ?? Still feel weird about it, but its done and over with now.
That whole incident kind of put me in a bad mood though. I think I was putting too much pressure on myself because I sometimes feel like I won't ever get involved with anyone again - almost like im forcing it.
That got me thinking about my ex and if she has moved on, if shes seeing anyone, how quickly they're moving along (and my mind loves to draw up graphic scenes which dont help). I guess I was scared that she would move on and i'd be left behind, so I sort of forced myself to do something.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't want anything to do with this girl, she's my best friend's sister - shes just kinda cool (sometimes).
Its just funny how I thought something like that would be a great confidence boost for me and it turned out to do pretty much the opposite. Sucks missing my ex, hopefully the feeling won't stick around long.
I know who you feel. Every date I go on I think, agh, is this it? This doensn't feel the same as with my ex.
But I just remind myself that it's not a race. One day we'll meet someone we feel that way about again. Its just going to take time. And remember, relationships don't start in an instant. It takes time and getting to know someone.
) Do I let it go and then call after time has passed? I don't want to answer, but sometimes its hard to watch the phone ring when you know someone you care about so much is so upset.
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