I'll keep this one quick, just looking for a bit if insight...

Without getting into specifics:

-Girlfriend wants space, trying to handle personal problems.
-Doesn't want to "break up", afraid of losing me forever
-She is trying to feel things out without me, her personal problems being she is TOO dependent which leads to obsession, anger, treating me poorly
-The "space" apart is meant to (hopefully) allow her to not take me for granted and appreciate the time we get more = less stupid arguing about nothing

Heres the problem, she gets lonely too quick (due to the constant communication we had, both our problems, I admit). She will be terribly upset after one day, and call me. I told her about it and said by doing that she won't be able to experience what she wants, life without me being her support.

As the relationship isn't necessarily over (yet i guess), how do I handle if she calls? (right now the cells dead and im not rushing to charge it ) Do I let it go and then call after time has passed? I don't want to answer, but sometimes its hard to watch the phone ring when you know someone you care about so much is so upset.

Romefalls19

I agree with Tal, as when I first got onto this site in January I believe it was, he was the first person to tell me to basically stop acting like a B*tch and go NC(delete everything!) Which I did. I mean EVERYTHING, so that's what I'm going to tell you to do. Delete her facebook, myspace, e-mail address and that stupid AIM screen name. You will do a lot better with knowing nothing than killing yourself over pointless messages. I always use songs I like as my away message, some are sad, some are happy but they rarely have a meaning.

I know what you mean by the happiness and sadness factor for the status updates. I would keep my ex as a friend on my myspace and would go to the "status updates" and would get happy if I saw "confused" but sad at when she said "happy"

For your own sanity, just delete everything you can for right now or the healing process will take a lot longer.

bigbird213

Back to write an update:

I'm trying not to be on this site a lot because it brings up memories which aren't always great. Actually, spent some time the other day reading one of my old posts about a fight we were having and it makes me feel a little better about not being with her. Maybe she wasn't "the one" like I always though (hell, how could I know she was my first).

I got another email from her the other day. Basically telling me she was "doing a little bitter but it still hurts" and hoping i was "doing the same". Odd for her to send me that, oh well. I spent last night at my friends college - big party weekend. It was fun, kept me busy.

I woke up this morning in a bit of a funk, mostly because I always liked to spend a nice day with her after spending a night with my friends. Got over it fairly quickly though... I guess I'm doing alright now. I think about her constantly still, but i guess thats expected...

One day at a time...

bigbird213

Morning all,

I'm starting to get the questions running through my head again. I don't know if I'm missing her or just missing having someone, but just to be able to give her a hug right now would be nice. Maybe its just because I just woke up.

I have to spend all day on my computer finishing a project for school, so I'm not very happy about that. I'm thinking of taking a break to go for a drive - it usually helps to level my head....

The other day I caught myself thinking about what was said the last time we talked. She had said that she wanted to "take some time apart" but she was definitely afraid of losing me and still wanted to be friends with me. The problem is, I don't know if we are still supposed to be talking in a few weeks or whatever or not. I don't want to break NC and ask about it, but I don't like not knowing whats happening either....

bigbird213

I was going to edit my last post but I decided this probably deserves a new post....

She must have been reading my mind because she sent me an email today. The basic gist of the email was that she has had some time to think, but still thinks this is the best for her right now. She was basically telling me that she doesn't want me to wait around for her anymore (I really havent been as you can tell) and that she is very sorry for hurting me and how much she has hurt me for the last few years.

She mentions how she is doing this because she recognizes that she is controlling (she is right) and is trying to stop herself from being like that in the future. This is one of the lines from the email:

I'd love to believe that, and I honestly believe that she is being truthful with me. I don't think there is any funny business going on here. The next line shook me up a little bit:


This isn't really true, but reading it hurt a little bit. I don't know if I should tell that it isn't true or just ignore it all together. I would love to talk to her and be friends in the future, but I know it will take a long time. Should I tell her this or just let it go for now?

She ended the email by telling me that she has some things of mine that she wants to drop off to me at some point. This really scares me because I feel like I have been doing pretty well and I don't know if I want to see her. At the same time, I don't want to tell her to drop them off on the porch - that seems like a slap in the face to her. I could tell her to keep them, but I doubt that she will... Any suggestions?

I need to reply to the email just so we can clear this up. I guess this is the closure that I said I was sort of looking for, knowing whats going to happen. I knew everything she told me in the email already, but for some reason hearing it like this hurt a little more than I expected.

I guess in the end they're just words....

--EDIT--

Her tone throughout the email was very apologetic. She seemed very scared that I was going to "hate" her and "never talk to her again". This really isnt the case and I feel bad that she is so upset over it. Would it be wise in my reply to tell her that I'm not so upset. I hate to put her under undue stress. I don't want there to be ill feelings on either side of this. After the last week I'm almost starting to feel like this is a mutual breakup....

--EDIT #2--

I'm not going to remove this because i think its good to read all of this for mine, and anyone else's, sake. I just wanted to add that I responded to the email. She responded back and everything seems to be okay. I think I handled it very maturely, she told me that she felt better to know that I didn't "hate" her and thanked me for being so understanding. It seems like I was able to handle it and I'm not feeling any different then I have been lately. I guess I got nervous and jumped the gun with my post....

I'll keep you guys updated.

bigbird213

Hey guys,

Its been a few days and I have been doing really well... Recently, after reading a few of the posts on here I have a question or two to get some input on....

It seems like I am doing much better then I should be. I know this sounds rediculous but hear me out. We were together for 4 years and broke up only a week and a half ago. Granted we were arguing quite a bit at the end and had our fair share of fights towards the end, but shouldn't I be a little more upset about this. Instead, I have feelings of being excited to go out and be single for the first time in quite a while. I'm excited to meet new people and see what happens. It just doesn't seem right for so soon afterward.

One thing I should mention is that we broke up about a year ago for 6 months. These 6 months were a nightmare for me. I was emotionally crippled and did the whole not get out of bed, dont eat, dont sleep, dont study routine. So maybe it is possible that I was so hurt and upset by it when we did get back together 6 months later I kept myself detached and it made this time around easier.

I still miss her at times during the day, but I spend a decent amount of time excited to be able to do whatever i want whenever I want. I'm a free man... Maybe this was right for both of us???

Any ideas?

ISneezeFunny

You'll have days when you'll feel absolutely fine, and then you'll have days when you wish you were dead. You'll have your ups and you'll have your downs. One thing to keep in mind is to not make the mistakes a lot of amateur investors make...they don't set a goal for themselves.

When they buy a stock, they'll see it go up, have an awesome day, and celebrate. The minute they see it go down, they get depressed and angry and let their emotions take the better of them. The best thing to do is to have a set goal (time period) and to come back after a certain time period and analyze it then. No use checking ticker prices every 5 minutes and making life-altering decisions minute by minute.

I'm glad you're doing better, just keep focus.

talaniman

What are you trying to do, jinx yourself? Be very glad your looking ahead, and leaving the misery, and pain, behind. That's a good thing, and enjoy it, because a storm will come up, and you'll have those good feelings to keep you optimistic.

blackmage

yo man find my topic i'm sure you can feel me on that

but thats pretty much how i see it now with my situation i see that she don't wanna date others maybe if we become to seprate and realize where better off friends sort of what were doing now shes got school and college to worry bout being with me is a burden because of my own personal issues and her everyday growing ones wanting ech other to fix it for our selfs but want advice on it lol but i now i can probally get her back if i just give it some time

if you don't care man thats good for you i hope thats not my case but if it is i hope me and her can stay friends with benifits till we find others jk

bigbird213

Odd,

Past two days or so have been a little tough on me. Last night I had my first dream about her, that I can remember, and it was a dream about her telling me that she wanted to get back together. I distinctly remember her trying to kiss me, and me backing away. She wanted to get back together with me, and I remember feeling a sense of "Oh no, what now?".

I guess thats a good sign

losingit77

haha..bigbird, i know. The first 11 days of NC or so were easy. The past 2 days have been a little tougher but I'm no where near a sobbing mess or anything. Just starting to miss him a little more. I figure if I can get through the first 2 weeks, I can get through the next 2 weeks.

Yeah, 2 nights in a row with dreams of me and my ex together like we used to be. Just miss seeing his face. But whatever, I'll just look in the mirror. My face is better!! haha