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i know that this probably is not the correct fourm for this, but i know that it is a highly anwsered forum so i hope you don't mind me posting my question here, but i am in desperate need of advice.
My friend tried to commit suicide on thursday night last, she was my best friend for a few years but basically we drifted apart. She did some pretty mean things on me and some of my friends so we basically cut contact with her. Not in an evil way but contact gradually cut off.
My other friend found her as she was attempting to hang herself, and she told me that she was drunk and in a pretty bad way and was holding a picture of me. (we were best friends and she is god mother of my son)
i don't really know how to handle this, me and her and some other friends took her to watch a film tonight at it was ok.
but she has a bit of a problem with drink (not as far as a fully fledged alcoholic) and she is pretty slutty so she has a pretty bad name - we live in a very small community, and basically none of our friends (or me) trust her.
But i don't really know what to do, she is not very talkative, and would not really open up unless she was drinking which is one thing i want to avoid. i plan to keep in contact with her and doing things a few nights to keep busy but to be honest i don't really know how to handle this situation so i am wondering if anyone has any ideas.
There is no way that she could be convinced to go see a doctor or therapist or anything like that.
She has not opened up about the suicide to me yet, but she has said that she is not drinking alchohol anymore, and i know that she has visited our local GP for sleeping pills and probably depression tablets too, so hopefully she will be ok. Her family also know about this attempted suicide.
Hi! It is very sad that your "ex"best girl friend want to kill herself, but if she refuse to consult maibe she could try to phone Suicidal help 24hres 7 days.Only her can decide! Now for yourself i think id would be a good thing to phone at one of those center to reiceive a professionel help. I have read some of the answers and find in one, the phone number of a specialised help for suicidal people BUT also for the people around them. Do yoursef a gift and phone for help and support but for YOU, because in matters of life and death situation every body his very fragile and feel guilt off the worse kind, its call" TOXIC guilt". So watever "SHE" decided to do,it his her how choice if we can call that "choice" but you wil have made yours! that his to take care of youself!! It his not selfish to take care of ourself and as a mother you should know that if you dont, nobody specialy your son has the power or should take you in charge!! the only power we "have" on another human being except for a very young child his to try to influence his choice for what we think his a better life coma.Maibe part of you wont like my anwser,its OKAY
Hello Sarah! How do you take care of you?
your friend do or do'nt and watever her family try to help her his
out of your reach! the only thing you can do is seak professional support for yourself (call you american suicidal association)and ask them to listen to your story, and listen to their advise! ACT now! do not wait, its free and you will probably fell a lot better and learn much on suicide!
I laud you for your concern for your friend. BUT - you are not responsible for her attempt, nor her life. She played 'tricks' on you and other friends before you broke slowly away. She did not do anything to try and figure out why she got so much rejection and still kept on feeling sorry for herself all these years.
This is nothing you can fix for her. She needs professional help and only she can get it if she asks for it. To do this, she must realize that she wants to live, wants to get healthy, and wants to change her lifestyle. If not, she will continue to seek an escape route and there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it - especially if she continues to be self-destructive.
So, the only thing you can do is inform her of your concern, suggest she get help and let her take it from there.
When another person takes his/her life, or attempts to, it is painful for those related and those who were close. Most think, after the fact, that they MIGHT have been able to do something to prevent it, or they SHOULD have seen it coming...
If you did not see their plight, or they kept their problems well hidden from all, then how were you supposed to notice something as crucial as this?
PLEASE, PLEASE do NOT blame yourself or think that it's your responsibility to "fix" this problem for her. The only life you have any power over is your own!
Join a support group to help you get over this traumatic period in your life - and get the reassurance you need to know that none of this was your fault - it's important. Then, get back to your life and what you want out of it.
Good luck, and please keep us posted as to how you are doing.
"BUT - you are not responsible for her attempt, nor her life. She played 'tricks' on you and other friends before you broke slowly away. She did not do anything to try and figure out why she got so much rejection and still kept on feeling sorry for herself all these years."
Chery you have no idea how true those words are about her. She did hurt a lot of people, and lost a lot of friends but rather than trying to sort her problems out she just kept on making more, and feeling sorry for herself.
I think that it would be pretty easy to sort herself out, but i think that firstly she has to admit to the fact that she did wrong, and try to right these things. And build up the trust with her friends etc again. I am pretty sure if she got all these problems sorted out she would not turn to drink as much either.
But i cannot have that conversation with her yet, i cannot tell her that she did wrong and that she really has to grow up and stop feeling sorry for herself, but to face up to the fact that she did wrong, and fix all the problems.
I don't think she would take it too well, as it sounds quite harsh. In fact it sounds a lot harsher than it is actually ment to be!!
That "harsh" conversation can be softened by her talking to a stranger too. That way she loses no face with them. This was the reasoning behind why I advocated you call a few places, talk to them and when you see her again, give her the numbers you called with some encouraging words.
While she might not be pushed anywhere, she might be led where you have already been. All she needs to is hook up with someone who has been where she is and happily isn't anymore and she may take the initiative from there.
I think chillen with her for a while is the best thing for now. You dont want to push and tick her off in any way. If she was holding your picture maybe its you she needs the attention from.Maybe she misses you. Despite the the hurtful things she has done to you, her cry for help is to you. She is obviously asking you for help before her family. If you cant get through to her that yall problems are in the past, and you still love her and she doesnt have to do that, than maybe you should bring her family into it, but not until you try your hardest first.
i'd like to mention first, that she is not your responsibility - she might have held your picture for different reasons, not necessarily as a cry for help from you specifically.
but it was definitely a cry for help.
she doesn't know exactly what to do with herself because she lives in denial - that's what chery described in her letter, and you agreed with her, in your answer . when someone lives in denial, it's impossible for this person to admit what went wrong and where. it's so mixed up, and these persons are so fragile. she probably missed you, and felt remorse, not necessarily guilt, only a professional can help. it's better of she doesn't open this box with any of the people close to her, she needs to talk with someone who'll know how to handle this issues, without personal involvement.
in the long run, you'll feel better for helping her, though her life is not your responsibility.
her family, and you, can get her to get this help, especially now that she's seen the gp 9who can help a lot on this matter)
please take good care of yourself - you need a lot of professional support,
millie
hi sarah.. i cant really help when it comes to the fact that she hurt a lot of ppl cos that id say she firstly has to realise shes wrong and hurting ppl..
suicide.. that i can talk about more. i had to deal with suicide a number of times.. friends would tell me they want to and attempt.. another one would phone me up crying.. luckily i made my best to stop them even if at times i felt it was for attention. suicide can never be tackled as something u dont blv he or she can actually do. you always have to try stopping her.
i have been through it too. i used to be really depressed and all i wanted to do was jump off a cliff.. the thing that stopped me was something a person just happened to tell me. i never really spoke to ne1 telling them that i want to commit suicide or nething. but this person once told me... ''ppl are heard screaming from miles away right after they jump..they must regret it right away'' true or not i dont know but it was the only thing that stopped me.
hope i helped a bit
just dont let it effect u too much love life!!
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