Ok...so I'm back. I have been on the boards browsing this whole time, but haven't really posted, but here I am again. Long story short.....had a bf....for about 9 months, he said he needed a break. We broke up and I thought I would die. I suffered and made myself and everyone around me (and on this board) crazy. After about 3 weeks, we reconciled and have been back together since sometime in June. If you view my history posts, you will find that this relationship was never really good for me, but I always hung on thinking things would change (maybe he could see the light??)...blah..blah... So we've been back together and I thought things were going really great. He had made some changes, was def. more attentive, and our good times were really good. Fast forward to just a few days ago.....Let me reiterate that I thought things were going exceptionally well between us. We had made plans to spend New Year's together and we were both excited. He gets to my house and just because I am too curious for my own good, I browsed through his phone while he was outside. I was absolutely shocked to find that there were texts back and forth between he and this girl (I have no idea who she is...) that were inappropriate and hurtful to me.

I confront him and he freaks out, swearing that it is nothing, swearing that nothing has happened and it was simply innocent flirting. BEGS me to forgive him and give him one more chance and says "I don't want to lose you." Even calls my friend and begs her to tell me to not break up with him over this..."Nothing happened, it would be a stupid reason to break up, etc..etc."

Long story short, I cry ALOT and we end up spending the night together (No sex, I just couldn't....I was devastated.) The next morning I drive him home and he asks in the car "So is this really it?" I said I didn't know. He has tried to call once that evening, but nothing since then (I didn't answer).

Here's the thing.....I am really sad. This is normal, right? Anytime there is a breakup, it is sad, right? Even if it's for the best?

I just can't understand why he would do this.....He did say he met this girl one time (apparently she is a friend of a friend) and they went out as a foursome while I was away for Christmas. He said it was only that one time, and NOTHING happened, just the phone stuff since then.

My question, and I am sorry that this is so long, but I am really hurting (again) here.....If he was into someone else, would he beg for my forgiveness and agree to cut all contact with this other person?

Question 2: Can I really just end this already and move the hell on?? Why can't I stop craving this bad relationship? I am not a stupid person....I just don't understand. I know I am afraid of the heartache...but it is inevitable, correct? Better sooner than later?? I just don't know what to do.

And a final note...I think that I am okay with the breakup, and then BAM...the thought of him being with someone else comes in and I am a mess. HELP!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!

Any relpies would be so helpful.

DMBacoustic

We all go through the same thing where you can be fine with the thought of breakup up and like you said, BAM. You need to focus on the fact however that you don't want to be with him for a reason. He wasn't good to you he doesn't deserve you. Try putting yourself first and you'll realize you don't deserve that from anybody and the entire situation will be much easier to deal with. You may think the feeling is going to last forever but, ahem here come the cliches, its a marathon not a race. And although now he could be with someone else you'll figure out what you deserve and what you dont.

Jay_Tee

I think it's because it's love.
And yeah, you've said it too, that the relationship was never really good or happy for you then why continue it? I'm sure if you let fate take its role you will find someone much better than your ex, who can treat a girl right.
Just look on the bright side; you're young and single! So just go out there and club the night away!

HurtingALot

DM...thanks for your reply. It really is helpful. I just hate the thought of the heartbreak....it is truely awful.

And you are right, he probably doesn't deserve me...never really did. I just thought maybe it was getting better, and maybe he really was really realizing that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, as he said. But then this.....unbelievable.

AND...if he is with someone else, it shouldn't really matter, right? Because if he was a user jerk to me, he will be to her and the next one and the next one, right??

ANY OTHER THOUGHTS??? ALL REPLIES ARE SO WELCOME!!!!

DMBacoustic

I went through the same situation after i graduated college in may. My ex started acting really distant and didn't care anymore, she figured i'd just always be around. And i kept telling myself it would get better but it never did. And if what he's doing texting that other girl seems wrong and your gut tells you that then you have to trust yourself. Like i said, in the end when you put yourself first everything else will fall into place.

HurtingALot

My gut definitely tells me that it is not right. It's just amazing how things were going so great for us...and then this. It is just so hurtful. And then for him to beg for me to not leave him? Keep begging buddy..(Although after that one unanswered call...nothing more from him as of yet.) We had a couple's spa weekend planned with reservations and all....and when I dropped him off New Year's Day, he asked like he was just dumbfounded "So we're not going??" WHAT?? Are you kidding me?? What the hell is wrong with him?

When will I just feel ok with this....I know in my head it is probably best to just really be done....but my heart hurts. It didn't have to be like this. What an idiot. He lost so much in me....I just hope he knows it one day, even if it's just not yet.

mafiaangel180

Yep, go with the gut.

You must not have trusted him too much to go through his phone...and then you found that he was secretly talking to some girl, whom he even met. A lie by omission is still a lie. So you caught him lying. So what makes you think he isn't lying when he says he will cut all contact with her? Flat out, this guy doesn't deserve your trust and doesn't deserve you.

HurtingALot

Thank you to those have replied so far....KEEP IT COMING PLEASE!!

I swear I am ok UNTIL the thoughts of him with someone (anyone) else come in...and then I start re-playing those text messages in my head and I am crazed again. Wish I could just get rid of the thoughts altogether. Bottom line, LET HIM be with someone else....she'll never be me, no matter who she is....(and he couldn't possibly be all that into her if he was begging me not to leave him, right??) Let him figure out through being with someone who is not me that he really did lose the best thing that ever happened to him, am I right here???

Maybe it really was harmless flirting as he said, and nothing will ever come of it....but that doesn't change the fact that he's an idiot for jeopardizing what we had and losing me. Yes???

ISneezeFunny

what i want to ask is...when were the text msgs sent/received? were they when you two were broken up, or was it after you two got back together?

if it's while you two were broken up, then really...what he was doing was ok...as long as he stopped all that mess as soon as you two got back together. if he continued it, then yes. uh oh.

talaniman

His motives and actions are no longer important to you, they are just painful memories. Know that, and shift the focus to you, and what makes you happy, now. Don't sit and mope, we all have to deal with our own feelings, so it may be a while before you can let go, but its up to you to cope. Positive actions are what recommended to help move on, despite the pain. Click on the links in my signature, and get some ideas, and positive actions.