Ok hi all,

Most of you probably know me and my story. if not you can read my first thread.

i had a bit of a tough weekend and just felt like sharing / venting. i ran into my ex out and about on saturday night. i was with a few of my friends / acquaintences and she was with her sister and few other people.

it is only the 3rd or 4th time i have seen her since we broke up about 7 months ago.

anyway, one thing that really annoys me is that i am constantly reminded by people how i have lost the greatest most beautiful girl in the world. These arent my true friends saying these things but rather other people who i guess you would say are aquaintences. my real friends have been great.

and this isnt her fault either but she is just such a wonderful and kind hearted person that people cant help but love her and many are only to keen to share this with me.

and to tell you the truth it gets me down at times. well anyway, things were ok between us when we seen each other. we just gave each other a quick hug and kiss on the cheek and a really quick chat. her sister completely ignored me. i dont know why. but that hurt. ive done nothing wrong to her and it makes me sad that she doesnt seem to have any respect for me.

anyway, a little later someone came up to me again just to tell me how great shana looks and blah blah blah. i told him in no uncertain terms that i wasnt really interested.

but here is where i stuffed up. i found out that she is invited to my best mates sons birthday party in a week or two. this is fine because my best mates wife is one of my ex's really close friends and my ex often baby sits etc their son. she has as much right to be invited as me.

i must add that i had been drinking too and was slightly drunk. not over the top drunk as i keep a lid on things pretty well. i dont go overboard when i drink.

anyway, i simply wrote him a text telling him that if my ex goes then i dont want to be there and i wont be there because i dont feel completely comfortable. and i dont want it to be uncomfortable on his sons day. which in hindsight is rubbish because i would be completely comfortable with her being there and have in fact been completely fine around her the few times ive seen her.

it was just a real bad weekend. my dog is sick and in hospital, my mum and dad went away on holidays and i am left home alone and thats when i get lonely and a little down. i just felt so low yesterday and not much better today.

i used a few choice words about her which i really didnt mean. it was just frustration and anger built up from the night and the bad couple of days. i said a couple of things about her that i really dont feel. the words i used werent nice but it was just a little bit of drunk talk between mates. in actual fact it is the complete opposite to the feelings i have about her and us.

But here is the big stuff up. rather then send it to him i somehow pressed the wrong button and end up replying to a message she had sent me earlier in the night apologising for her sisters behaviour towards me. I dont have her nunmber in my speed dial as i deleted it long ago for this very reason. it was a complete accident but i sent the message to her instead of my mate.

OUCH, and now im really upset about it. i had been doing so well and had not ever said a bad word about her to anyone. because the truth is i dont hate her. im not mad at her. i have a lot of respect for her and will always love her in some way. i cant be mad at her for her being honest and following her heart.

problem is how do i now fix what i have done. i dont know what to do. some of the things i said werent nice. it didnt mean them i was just trying to make a point to my mate and it is how we talk. you know. guy talk.

i know we arent together and i should focus on myself but i just dont want her thinking that i meant the things i said. because i dont. as i said there were a few expletives and couple of words i wouldnt use to describe her at all.

i feel like so much dignity and respect that i have earned over the past few moths has been lost again from one moment of stupidity.

im ashamed and disgusted at myself.

Any suggestions???

wap

Hi Skell,

Sorry for not reading this sooner, I have been a bit pre occupied with work.

Yes, you made a mistake, people do, there is no point in beating yourself up over it, you have been through enough. I agree with Wildcat, it may actually have let her see that you don't just think of just the good things in her, and see her on a pedestal. You are very much like me in a lot of ways. As I said before, I called my ex and he hung up on me, I was so upset, because I thought I had upset/annoyed him!! I worry about other peoples feelings before my own too.

I would just try to move on from this incident, and it's not like it has cost you anything You are a good person

valinors_sorrow

By George, I think he's got it! Actually you've had IT all along Skell, I mean that (she says like she's Glenda the good witch speaking to Dorothy LOL) and you've been growing IT right nicely too!

Wildcat21

Yes Wap - Skell is a great as person (as I know you are) - he's going find that special someone - but it's going to take a while.

The whole problem I feel, again, is her aga - she's 23 and doesn't know what she wants. She may yet come back to him, but it's goin gto be a while. I know Skell has a special bound with this gal. They might not be together now - but she just needs to be alone for now - and that's ok - he respects her wishes.

And I don't think that text wasn't so bad - I thnk she actually need to her that she isn't all that perfect in Skell's eyes.

BIM

I feel for ya' Skell--You sound like a great guy that just screwed up Hell, we all do it--TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. I've done enough screwing up for more than one person

Don't beat yourself up!! You messed up, you admit it, you two are not together, may have hurt her feelings, apologize when you can, and let it roll off your back. As WC says, maybe it was ok for her to see a side she is not used to.

Anyway--it's ok. Take Care.

Skell

Thanks guys for all the great words.
You know what i think in return so im not going to turn this into some mushy appreciation thread. haha

For the first couple of days i couldnt see it the way you are saying. all as i wanted to do was apologise.

Now im not so concernced. i see it how you guys see it. yeah i was feeeling those feelings and it is probably good that she's seen / knows about them.

That little letter i wrote that i was never going to send her. Its funny how it has evolved. it started off all apologetic and a little sooky. Now as i keep sort of adding to it over the days it is getting a little madder and angrier in its tone each day. and it feels good. it wont go to her but im finally feeling a little anger at what happened. Until now i havent been able to.

i must admit too, i sort of like it and needed it. It isnt overwhelming angriness that consumes my life. but just the feeling of yeah it pisses me off a little and im finally gonna show it.

anyway, thought id share that in case others may have been like me before. it is ok to get a little mad at times. it helps.

valinors_sorrow

I was convinced long ago by a talented therapist and what I would call an honest-to-god enlighted human being that when it comes to relationships (of any kind too) it takes two to tango, whether you are tango-ing your way to heaven or hell. The really sick and the very healthy rarely couple and not for long and no one on earth, last I looked, is perfect.

It also stands that the dumper is not necessarily the "weller" one of the two too. Dumpees are often confused by this. So if you got dumped and you are seeing your ex as perfect, oh honey child, reconsider. But it really shouldn't be about ex's. It should be about you! Find your part or play it again.

Skell

So true val. I used to see it as you describe, but now i realise that what you have said here is exactly right.

I did use to see her as perfect, but as time goes by that is changing.

And i have been doing quite a good job of late making it about me. and i must admit it is great!