We've been married for a year, been dated for 3 years prior. We have a 5 month old son together. The thing is, my husband works and I stay at home with the baby. I am really happy that I am able to stay home, but my husband works nights 45 minutes away. He is scheduled out at 10:30, but doesn't get home until 1AM. He doesn't spend time with me or his son. He sleeps until noon every day, but as soon as he gets up he gets ready for work. We share a car between us, so I don't get a chance to go out and if I do, it's not by myself.
On his days off he will either sleep all day or spend it with one of his friends. I feel like I am his personal doormat. I never ask him for help around the house. But he doesn't notice when I clean or appreciates when I've done something nice. His son barely sees him, and my husband hardly ever partakes in parental duties. It kills me inside because I never had a father, and I don't know what it's like to have one. I just wanted my son to experience the love of a father. Sometimes my husband has this attitude that our son is a burden. It breaks my heart to see this. We've gone to marriage counseling and have separated. Things go ok for a few weeks, then slowly start going back to the way they were.
I don't know what to do. I don't know him like I used to. I am not anxious when he comes home, and I just go about my day now like he's a roommate. I am not going to try and get him to spend time with his family anymore like I used to. What do you think?

talaniman

You sound like the typical bored house wife, who seldom gets out, and so focused on your kids and huband you have forgotten who you are, and how to enjoy yourself, and make yourself happy. When hubby is sleep then pack your baby, and get out and get some air an visit family and friends, and have your own thing to do. You are responsible for your own happiness. How old are you, and do you have any friends who drive???

RiaO31

My age is 25. Well I do have friends that drive, but they have a life of their own. And as for getting out, I feel that I deserve to get out without the baby once in a while. I already was told that I would parent 90% of the time and men usually 10%. But on the other hand, it takes 2 people to make a perfect little baby. He should be more responsive to his child! I don't get it. Maybe I am the "typical bored housewife" but that makes no excuses for his behavior with his family. Why should he come and go as he pleases like he's still a teenager?! And get upset when I ask him to feed the baby, or change a diaper, or give him a bath?
It's ridiculous.

talaniman

You both will have to learn to help each other and work together and that take a lot of talking and listening. Ask the grandparents to baby sit on occasion and let your hair down. When the wife and I went thru this I was scared at first but came to enjoy staying alone with my kids (boy and girl 11 months apart) while my wife took a break. I had the same schedule as your husband and that first off day couldn't move. The second I had no motivations for anything but was perfect for watching kids. He will learn as he may be afraid as most men of being responsible for a baby, their crying scares the hell out of us. I agree he should be more sensitive to your needs. Talk not argue, and see if advance notice can get you out the house for some you time.

RiaO31

I appreciate your advice. We both need to learn how to communicate better. I haven't really heard a man's perspective. I will try it

talaniman

I wish you luck and have patience, He probably resents having to spend so many hours away as it is. Most young guys do. I did. It takes years of trials and tribulations for couple to really know the wants and needs of each other, but it get better between you, as you both keep working at it. I bet he comes from a family where the man worked hard at work and the woman worked hard at home. Looking to how he was raised and the family dynamics he grew up with will give you clues, and insights. as to how he is now. You still are responsible for having your own happiness.

RiaO31

I don't know what to do.. my husband and I got into a huge blow up fight today. I tried talking with him, he didn't try with me. he just wants to ignore it.
To make a long story short it got to physical violence today and now he is being served with restraining papers.
I feel like I didn't do the right thing... I just don't know anymore. I don't know what to do.

Fr_Chuck

There is never any excuse ofr violence,

nauticalstar420

If he is hurting you physically then I say yes, you did the right thing by filing a restraining order on him. A lot of times, if they get physical once, they will most certainly do it again.

Before going to the extremes of a divorce, you can try counseling. He cant harm you there, it will be you, him and the counselor in the room. The counselor will try and help you two come to the conclusion on why this has been going on, and if it can be resolved. If it cant be resolved, it is best to go your seperate ways rather than have him be physically violent towards you.

Skell

Yes you should get a divorce. As Chuck said there is no excuse for violence. As hard as it may seem i think you need to get out before it only gets worse.

Good luck!