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First of all, thanks to all the mods and admins for running such a great forum. Kip
up the good work!
Now heres my story,
I 've been with my girlfriend for 1.5 years. Last week she said she needed a break before we get any deeper in this relationship. I agreed and gave her some time. Knowing what to do, I broke all contact with her without hesitation (but obviously I was sad and lonely hoping things would get better)
Now heres the twist, couple of days ago she called me and said she is pregnant.
We both agreed that we are not ready yet. Now what I wonder is if I should keep the distance since she is on "break" or should I help her though it? I havent asked what she wants yet - I feel guilty about it. Please suggest something.
Please forgive me but I don't understand the part about "We both agree that we are not ready yet".... for what? The relationship to resume? Or the pending baby? I think it is a mistake to try and create a middle ground between in and not in a committed relationship. Call her, discuss what to do about the baby and the relationship since her turning up pregnant changes everything.
I think you should phone her and ask her what she wants to do about the baby. See what her feelings are. I hate to say it, but at this point she has most of the control. I think you should deal with the pregnancy before you deal with your relationship. I guess what I'm saying is don't stay together because of a baby. After you've decided what to do about the baby, then if there is anything left, you should work on the relationship if that is something you both want to persue. I know everything is kind of mixed together, but think rationally.
I agree... this changes the break issue... you can still have a break on your relationship but deal with the baby issue.... keep it about the baby if you until you make some major decisions... then you can focus on your own emotions.... hope that helps!
Are you the dad? Get a paternity test after the birth to make sure. It's awful strange that she wanted a "break" last week, then turns around a couple of days ago and tells you she's pregnant. This puts you in quite a bind. Kids need both a mother and a father but also need the mother and father to love and respect each other. If she is ambivalent about her relationship with you, needing a "break" after 1 1/2 years, then that doesn't bode well for the two of you having a future together, even though she is (presumably) carrying your child. That's why the paternity test is so important, so she can't cheat you out of your paternal rights by saying that the child isn't yours. Personally I think that the right thing to do would be to help her through it if she insists that it's yours. However, in all fairness to you, it should be a two-way street in that you should be able to receive her love and affection in turn, which precludes her needing a "break." I'd state it for her just that way ; tell her that you intend to be there for her but that you expect the same from her in return. But also, as Val and aqua have told you, the baby and the relationship are two separate issues. Don't feel indebted to have a relationship with her just because of the baby if she's not firmly committed to the same. Be willing to take care of your obligations as a father but that doesn't mean you owe her anything if she doesn't want to reciprocate in kind.
I would make sure the baby is yours before you take this any further.
To me it just sounds a little suspicious that she asks for a break then tells you she is pregnant.
The timing seems abit off for me.
But that could just be my suspicious mind.
Location: Now hailing from St. Petersburg, Florida US of A, North America, planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy.
Posts: 3,308
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dada
Thanks you all for replies.
Yes, I am fully sure that baby is mine. I know it.
I had a chat with her and assured her of my commitment. This whole episode is looking alot brighter now.
Oh...well if she told you so then of course we can believe her. Dada, I don't mean to be so rude but I've never met this woman and I already don't trust her. Are you even sure she' pregnant? Has she had this confirmed by a doctor? If she is pregnant than how do you know it's yours? She just dropped you so you obviously know that she was having second thoughts about you. How do you know that she didn't act on those thoughts with someone else? If she did how do know that guy didn't run off and now she is using you until the birth? How do you know that she won't then get you to sign the birth certificate as the father and have a significant portion of your earnings for the next 18 years. This entire story is fishy. I emplore you take your emotions (at least the best you can) out of this entire thing. One and One do not equal two here. Please get the paternity test when the child is born.
I hope I'm not coming on too strong but I just don't trust this woman.
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