Steps of dealing with transitions

We all deal with transitions badly. Some moreso than others, some more openly than others. But its always very disconcerting. Grief is a strange thing in that when you begin to rack up a few losses, when another one comes along you can sometimes end up regrieving all the other ones too, and that really compounds things. There are predictable stages of grief that were first explored by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and I would recommend her book, On Death and Dying to anyone strugging in grief. Its both illuminating, grounding and very heartwarming -- all things someone caught in the craziness can use! For me, it is precisely in our weaknesses that I tend to find our greatest graces and having grieved a bunch in my life, I have also found there is none as powerful as the grace of grief. It behooves us to let it happen, let ourselves be human and do it badly.

It is comforting to know "one is not alone" in dealing with transitions. Thanks

Acceptence is the first step to healing and can take time depending on the person. Denial stops the whole process, but is natural when things happen to fast for us to digest. Denial is often the first visitor until acceptance slowly moves it out.

Taking it one day at atime helps. If things get too hard to bear, you could try talking to a councilor or maybe clergy. Transitions can be tough especially if you aren't ready for it.
If its the ending of a relationship, you need to greive before you can heal and move on to another. If its menopause, that takes time and there are support groups in your area with people who are going through what you are.

I hope this helps.

Tal, that is so true. Acceptance has to be the first step. My Father and Father-in-law died one week a part. My husband and I were so relevied that they were free from pain and sickness, that we didn't really "accept" they were gone, well until recently and it's been a couple of years. I still don't wish to talk about it. It really delays the healing process the longer you take to accept the situation for what it is.

Acceptance has to be the first step for any healing to begin. Whether it be the end of a relationship, death or any major change.

Great Question!

Actually believe it or not, its the last Allheart, according to Kubler-Ross. I found this here. Now we can see what a process grieving is and how many places a person can get stuck too. Humans are complicated but man, you have to admire the design, its astonishing. All of you are! If you look over that site, you'll see that we don't do grief like a checklist either, but rather cycle in and out and repeat various parts of it too. Its a messy business but then so are many aspects of life! LOL


Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.

Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.

Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.

Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.

Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.

Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.

Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

LOL - Why am I not surprized. I always knew I was backwards. But you know, it does make sense. Thanks Val.

The shock stage was really a weird one. When my ex first told me almost 6 months ago now, I don't think it really registered in my head. I just walked around as normal, kind of numb and also hugely in denial for the first 2 - 3 months. Denial is the first visitor and I also agree with val in that these stages can repeat themselves and it is a messy process. When depression hits you, the grief is overwhelming and being alone is difficult but at times necessary...I remember those days I spent alone on a beach just staring out to sea trying to understand what was happening and asking myself over and over..>Why? Acceptance will always be the final stage as it is at this point that you realise the reality of the situation and what it is you must do to move forward.

You are never alone with this kind of thing, everyone goes through this at some point in life whether it be the death of a relative/friend or the death of a relationship since the two situations are quite comparible in terms of the grief that you experience. Many people go through this many times in life and become stronger because of it.

You guys are very helpful. "Acceptance", scares me as I feel I am agreeing this person is no longer part of my life. I guess I am where the stages are at this point. Lots to think about.