At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
My husband and I have been married for 11 months. I recently discovered that he's been talking to another woman behind my back (the second time in three months and a different woman from the first time). The first time this happened he explained that he was talking to her for a friend. I let it go and he promised to be more open and honest with me. However, three days ago I discovered another woman's number in his cell phone. The phone records show that he always talks to her during the day or early evening, when I'm not around. There were also several calls where I remember him telling me he was talking to one of his guy friends, but the records disprove that. I confronted him and he explained she is just a friend. But then why the secrecy? I also found evidence that doesn't match up with an explanation he gave me about his whereabouts one particular day and the phone records confirm that he had called her the night before. I am so confused and don't know if I should leave him. He swears that he has never cheated on me, but keeping secrets and lying is, in my eyes, cheating. If something is totally innocent, why hide it? I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again and what is a marriage without trust? I am so scared of being hurt by this again.
Sorry to be so blunt, but he is cheating. I could share some similar stories with you. I am still with my guy who cheats on me all the time-they will continue to do so even after being caught several times.
It's not easy no matter which way you go. I'm so sorry.
1) He is cheating on you
2) You are a jealous wife
Here is a question for you. Are you the type of person that will get all jealous and go off on him for having a platonic relationship with a female friend?
If the answer is YES, then perhaps he is just keeping ot from you to avoid a fight.
However, if the answer is NO, then odds are he is cheating on you.
Unfortunately, cheating in marriages does occur.
I saw on the TV last night that Actor Donald Sutherland had an affair with Jane Fonda back in the 1970s. Sad really, I mean, why would you try and piss off Tommy Douglas by cheating on his daughter?
Back to the point, I think he is cheating on you. First time, maybe an innocent mistake. But a second time and you have proof he is lying to you? All the red flags are there.
You are married! He should not be talking to any females except for you, with the exception of relatives or someone that you knew he was close friends with before you were all married. I firmly believe that oppositte sex close friendship-relationships (if you will) should involve both you and your husband having the same friendship with this person. The fact that you don't know this person and he has been hiding it from you goes to show that he is doing something wrong-even if he is not sleeping with her...yet.
I know most of what i just typed is not understandable, but the last part of it is and I am telling you-she is getting the better part of him, not you.
You are married! He should not be talking to any females except for you, with the exception of relatives or someone that you knew he was close friends with before you were all married.
as a husband in a healthy, happy relationship.... married for 6 strong years and many to come, i could not disagree with you more.
obviously a person needs to be aware of anything that takes vital energy away from the relationship... but to say that you should have no friendship with another person of opposite sex that you meet after marriage... well, thats just absolutely sad. if you cannot trust your spouse, then you married the wrong person (one who shouldnt have taken the vows) or you shouldnt have been married in the first place (for the lack of an ability to trust).
my wife and i spend a lot of time on our relationship... and this does make it less likely that you would have the time to begin a lot of new friendships, especially meaningful ones... but...i dunno... maybe my relationship is strange... if my wife goes out and has a drink with a guy from work or wherever... fine. shes coming home to me.
and i say this as a guy who has been cheated on my two previous gf's.... in relationships that were 6 years and 2 years along. you find the right person and you're both dedicated to your vows... everything else then is easy.
depressed in mo - i know your situation has been bad. ive read your posts and given you advice. but i think youve also chosen to be with a person who wasnt trustworthy over and over.
to tell a newly married person her husband is cheating, period, is just projecting your frustrations onto others. he might be. she might also be a really insecure person.... and it sounds to me like shes a little obsessed with tracking this guys every move.
moments like this are when im glad im married to my wife.
Way back in the 70's when my wife and I first got together I introduced her to all of my female friends and to my surprise they became her friends as well and now 30 years later we all can get together for picnics, concerts, and almost any social event. My point is if there is nothing to hide then then don't act guilty by hiding something. Its a good rule of thumb for me that if I can't tell my wife then maybe I shouldn't do it.
The guy is lying to her. She said so. that is why I said all that I said. had that not have been mentioned, I would not have shared my thought because I wouldn't have thought that way.
There is nothing wrong with being friends with the oppositte sex after marriage, but both husband and wife should know about it. It's common courtesy so that nothing embarassing happens say for example: your wife is having a drink with a guy co worker at a local bar after work. She didn't tell you...you just happen to go in with some of your buddies and have a drink yourself-oh-there she is. Even though nothing may be going on, it looks bad and it is disrespectful.
You are correct in that if everything is on the up-and-up then there's no need to hide anything. He is guilty of cheating, in spirit if not literally. I'd give him an ultimatum ; either them or you. If he insists on having his lady "friends" then it's without you in his life. Start networking to find a good divorce lawyer just in case. You've been married for only 11 months so hopefully you don't have any children yet. Hopefully he'll get the message and come to his senses and end it with these other women.
how freakin sexist is it to say a guy cannot be friends with a girl if married.
i know men can cheat. i know women can cheat. believe me, i know that.
but if you think the only reason why a guy should hang with a friend that is a girl is to get a piece......... i know it happens...... but maybe this is why the divorce rate is so high. not because of cheating, but because of screwed of conceptions about right and wrong and what makes a good marriage.
those of you who say he's cheating .....why isnt the idea of the wife being overly nosy and suspicious even a possibility? is it possible that there is a self esteem issue? even remotely? before you declare the marriage burning down in flames why not think through ALL the possibilities?
never thought i'd be labeled a bad husband because i have a friend who has a uterus.
Linear Mode
