Stay or Go?

giggles96 · Apr 7, 2006, 11:41 AM

My husband and I have been married for 11 months. I recently discovered that he's been talking to another woman behind my back (the second time in three months and a different woman from the first time). The first time this happened he explained that he was talking to her for a friend. I let it go and he promised to be more open and honest with me. However, three days ago I discovered another woman's number in his cell phone. The phone records show that he always talks to her during the day or early evening, when I'm not around. There were also several calls where I remember him telling me he was talking to one of his guy friends, but the records disprove that. I confronted him and he explained she is just a friend. But then why the secrecy? I also found evidence that doesn't match up with an explanation he gave me about his whereabouts one particular day and the phone records confirm that he had called her the night before. I am so confused and don't know if I should leave him. He swears that he has never cheated on me, but keeping secrets and lying is, in my eyes, cheating. If something is totally innocent, why hide it? I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again and what is a marriage without trust? I am so scared of being hurt by this again.

Depressed in MO · Apr 11, 2006, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetface

You are right, he is probably seeing other people beside the one. Wildcat21 is correct also when stating that once a cheater always a cheater. I guess the old saying "Nice guys finish last" is right. No matter how nice, kind, loving or caring you are for a person, it seems that it goes unapperciated.

You are so very right. WildCat is a good helper. He has given me a lot of good advice; however I've yet to take it. But I know he is right.
It's hard to leave the person you have invested your time and heart into for so long. I see it as another hard lesson in life that we are learning and although God may already know our destiny, we are still creating it.
Anyway, don't mean to get religious on you. If you ever want to talk, you know how to find me. Good luck and I send you big hugs on your broken heart.

Wildcat21 · Apr 11, 2006, 03:34 PM

Being TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nice is the problem - Letting someone walk all over you. Being tooooooo available is the problem as well.

Being nice is ok. You should always be kind.

A lot of people NEED to learn to say the word NO. No comands respect. A lot of people think they CAN'T say No.

NOT having a spine can KILLL a relationship....people have to learn to stand up for themselves....not to give in because your scared a you will upset your partner.

As I always say - don't make that person your whole life. Always have other interests.

WHEN you find the RIGHT person you can share everything, they WILL understand you need to be with your frineds sometimes....you have to work late sometimes.....you need too work....you need to travel. WHEN you are with the right person you understand each other - you want to be with each other all the time - you want to talk and shre things.

Again - you have to kiss a lot of frogs - you may have married a frog.

Bevjcope · Apr 11, 2006, 07:35 PM

You are the only one that can decide if you should leave or stay. If you stated everything you know then at this point I feel that you do not have the absolute proof of cheating as yet. But, yes he should not be talking to women behind your back unless he feels there is a reason that you would not be understanding of why he is chating with them. If these are new friends then it is suspicious, but still not proof to end a marriage.

shorty28 · Apr 18, 2007, 09:39 PM

U know he's doing it and he probably wants u 2 catch him so u can leave him maybe he does not want 2 be with u or maybe he does not want one piece of pie he wants it all hey there are other fishes in the sea catch ur self a better one.

jeremy4719 · Apr 18, 2007, 09:47 PM

I personally think you are paranoid... I did this to someone I was with for a few years and ruined our relationship... If you want trust then trust him.... Don't snoop on his phone...

Reasons a man would cheat (coming from a man):

1.) Sex life has gone to seldom to non-existant (whats putty-tat?)
2.) Communication (you take him for granted)
3.) You complain and nag too much.

shorty28 · Apr 18, 2007, 09:48 PM

I think that a woman and man think a like cause if a woman has a guy fri3nd what would her man be thinking or if her man had a girl-fri3nd what would she be thinking so is not only the girl's that think that way so u guy's are not that PERFECT EITHER lol