My husband and I have been married for 11 months. I recently discovered that he's been talking to another woman behind my back (the second time in three months and a different woman from the first time). The first time this happened he explained that he was talking to her for a friend. I let it go and he promised to be more open and honest with me. However, three days ago I discovered another woman's number in his cell phone. The phone records show that he always talks to her during the day or early evening, when I'm not around. There were also several calls where I remember him telling me he was talking to one of his guy friends, but the records disprove that. I confronted him and he explained she is just a friend. But then why the secrecy? I also found evidence that doesn't match up with an explanation he gave me about his whereabouts one particular day and the phone records confirm that he had called her the night before. I am so confused and don't know if I should leave him. He swears that he has never cheated on me, but keeping secrets and lying is, in my eyes, cheating. If something is totally innocent, why hide it? I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again and what is a marriage without trust? I am so scared of being hurt by this again.

talaniman

A lot of times we in this forum get only one point of view so it is hard to just take some of these post as the whole story. As some of you pointed out their are a lot of questions to be answered and until the poster gives us more info its hard to form a reasonable opinion as to how to help someone solve this problem. But the suggestion to the wife to talk to her husband about his female friends is a good idea, but if the two of them don't get together and talk and listen to each other we all know this relationship cannot last.

Wildcat21

"Wildcat, so-should a woman be a ***** in order to get what she wants just as a man should be a jerk?"

NO! I never advocate any guy to be a jerk - ever. All I say is a women would RATHER be with a jerk than a 'nice guy'. Guys should strive to be a the 'confident, good guy'.

I don't think she's being a beatch. She has the gut instinct and this guy is playing around - screwing with her emotions.

I have a ton of girls who are friends - but my gal knows everyone of them and has become frineds with most. You have to be up front with someone - especially in a a marriage.

This dude sounds really imature.

sweetface

Well it sounds to me like he is cheating. This is just from experience. Those little converstations with "friends" leads to other things, and curiosity is inevitable. I am in a similar situation, the difference is I am not married, and person I am with did actually cheat and admitted to it. He is still holding conversations with this woman, and it pisses me off!! So believe me he is seeing this woman

Depressed in MO

Girl, I am totally with you on your situation. My guy is doing the same thing. And there is no limit to how far they will go with you and still continue to have other relationships with these other ladies. It's like they want to lead separate lives...and they do for a while...until they get caught. Then what? Yes, we should leave them, most of the time we don't-so they keep doing it because we let them...

Depressed in MO

no I am not saying anyone is being a *****, I am saying, should we be? Does that make guys chase women, just like being a jerk makes women chase men?
I don't know i've heard it both ways. I've been broken up with because I was too nice, and then I've also been called a b.... what's the real deal?

sweetface

I know staying is only my making my situation worse, but love is often blind. My situation has made me crazy, and I have resorted to me being dishonest about how I found out about his "affair". I really want to work things out, but he is still lying about talking to this woman. He says he is not seeing her, but once again the little conversations lead to other things, especially since this is someone he had sex with.

Wildcat21

Sorry to say - but they wont stop cheating either. I always say - "Once a cheater, always a cheater" - you

Depressed in MO - no never be a ***** - this isn't a game, although your man thinks it is. Be caucious and learn - you were WAY to trusting in a guy who deserved ZERO trust. He never resepected you. Being Beatch will get you no where. You're problems were because you were with a bad guy - liar, cheater and worse. WHEN you find a good guy you should be able to open up and discuss everything in TRUTH - you will NEVER have that with the guy your with now.

I think you keep trying to THINK you can fix the situation. Unfortunately - you can't FIX that guy - he's broke - you changing will do nothing. You know where he is headed in the long run.

Depressed in MO

Love is blind...that is exactly what I said when I started posting here. The sad thing is...she probably isn't the ONLY other woman he is talking to.

sweetface

You are right, he is probably seeing other people beside the one. Wildcat21 is correct also when stating that once a cheater always a cheater. I guess the old saying "Nice guys finish last" is right. No matter how nice, kind, loving or caring you are for a person, it seems that it goes unapperciated.

talaniman

Just because your nice doesn't mean you can't be SMART!