split with my girl, she needs "space"

crossbow · #1 Jan 31, 2007, 06:46 AM

ok, i know theres loads of questions on this subject but i just need a lil more help with this....
i was with my girl for 8 months and everything was great apart from the fact i never saw her as much as id like. heres the background
shes 30, has two kids and works full time. when we 1st got together everything was wonderful, was seing her loads, spending time with her and her kids and getting on great. now the problem is she has a VERY controling friend, she has to be at her friends house at 6 on a fri,sat and sunday nite, even if she is a lil bit late she goes in a huff. now i was really bugged by this, but at the end of the day its her friend and not my place to say so i said nothing.
anyways, i was asking her when we could get a night out together but all i ever got back was "ill sort it".but that never happend.in the whole time we were together we went out twice and both them were with her friend and her friends husband. i was getting a lil sick but i stuck with it because id fallen for her big time and loved her.
then the 2 weeks before we split she started cancling seing me on a night. id normaly go to her house after work on a mon,tue and wednesday night after work. but she was sending me text messeges 10 mins before i was due to set off saying she couldnt see me because she was sleepie, unwell ect and that i could go see her the next night and to call her in an hour or so, but it was the same again that night. i said nothing eventhough i was upset.
last wednesday i text her to ask if she wanted to to meet up on thursday afternoon for some thing to eat and to pic her kids up together, thought it would be nice to spend some time together. i got back that she was meeting her friend and she always done on a thursday and it wasnt fair to change that. now that realy hurt me.i was supposed to go down her house on that night but once again i got a messege sayin she couldnt see me again. so i sent her a messege saying how hurt i felt that she could cancle on me but would never dream of doing it to her friend. that all i wanted was some of her time because i love her.that she says she loves me but i feel unloved. when she replyed it wasnt good. she said she loved me but didnt know what to do for the best.
to cut a long story short she split with me on friday, saying she still cared so much but she just needs to be friends at the moment. that she still wants me around and not to stop talking to her.when i asked if she ment see how things go in the futuer she said she didnt know what would happen nd didnt expect me to wait around for her.
she has since old her dad and the kids that we are "having time apart" and things could go either way.
love her to bits and want to be with her, but not sure what to do next

crossbow · Jan 31, 2007, 07:23 AM

i should also point out that we have NEVER once fallen out or had a fight over anything. everyone we know commented about how good we were together nd what a great couple we were

ForeverZero · Jan 31, 2007, 08:38 AM

As the resident cynicist, i'm going to weigh on my side. I think you've been getting played like a harp from day one. "Controlling friend"? ? Unless by controlling you mean dying of cancer, i don't think there's a friend in this picture. She's definately seeing some other guy. When i hang out with my friends, of any gender, i always want my girlfriend to come with, unless it's the once in a blue moon time i need to unload some steam about her. I also expect this in return. The fact that you're unwelcome says to me that she's up to something.

My keen batman instinct also tells me the time you went out with her friend and her "husband" you met the dude. That's just a hunch, but i'm fairly certain there's no controlling friend in the picture. Furthermore, suppose the story is exactly as you told it. Do you really wanna be involved with somebody that prefers her friends over you? 99% of the time? I think it's time you pick up a "controlling friend" of your own or two.

crossbow · Jan 31, 2007, 08:48 AM

thanx for the feed back

her friend does exist,i go round hers with her on a weekend and they are both fine about it.that aint so much of the isue.my problem was that she has time for her but never seems to make time for me.im certin (as anyone can be) that there is no one else involved, she aint got enuff hours in the day to see anyone

ForeverZero · Jan 31, 2007, 08:54 AM

Yea, i thought that too. The whole "i don't feel well so don't come over" thing is sort of like her way of trying to get you to break up with her. She hopes if she keeps cancelling on you eventually you'll get sick of it and dump her so she doesn't have to feel guilty. When i'm sick i want my girlfriend around. I'm going with about 85% there's another guy.

Geoffersonairplane · Jan 31, 2007, 10:19 AM

The other responses have got a point. I remember a few weeks before my breakup, my ex started becoming distance and the funny thing is, I did not really identify this until after the breakup. I don't think there was anything I could have done, I think it was going to happen at some point. I suggest you remain out of contact, she does not want you in her life at the moment and there is no point with being with someone that does not reciprocate your feelings.

Stay away from her, make her miss you, she may miss you, she may not but at least you will not be in an unhealthy relationship and can begin to work on yourself -- Move On!!

Wildcat21 · Jan 31, 2007, 10:27 AM

Nothing to add. Just move on. Give the all the space in the world. Do not contact. Do not. Do not give her that satisfaction.

crossbow · Jan 31, 2007, 01:00 PM

thanx guys. but the thing is she said she still wants me around. she has even text me today to let me know how her lil girl (who i look at as if she was my own) is. she is confusing the hell out of me.even asked if we are still going shopping on saturday.we aranged it weeks ago. i have a strange feelin that when shes told her "mate" we fell out and what it was about she "put the boot in". will update you all when i next hear from her



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