Dears peoples,

I split up with my girlfriend of 14 months last week. This also happened in mid march but I lost a bit of dignity then and begged her to give it another go. I no wrealise that I should have left her alone and left her space to herself. She says she never felt that same attraction for me since then, so ended it.

While we were together I swear we were so well matched and even her friends said we were so amazing together. However after reading the advice heer, I think the reason she went off me mainly is I turned into that 'wuss' in last 4 months whereas before when i didnt seem so bothered she was 'red hot' for me and went crazy if she didnt hear from me.

I'll paste a few things/reasons from her email:

"
hey, i hope ur ok. this isnt an easy email for me to write and you wont want to hear it, but i want to end our relationship. im sorry if it seems im springing this on you, i dont know if you could tell i was being a bit funny with you, ive probably seemed a bit moody and y. ive been thinking things over and i think it would be better for us both if i ended it, theres no point me tryin to carry on if im just gonna end up bein a to you and make you miserable anyway. ever since we first broke up ive not felt the same way, i wanted to have another go at things to see if it could work and to see if i could change how i felt but it hasnt. its not because of you, youve not changed your still the same guy i fell for at the beginning but i think ive changed, i really just want to be single now for a long time i think, im 17 and im just not in the same place as you right now im all over with my emotions i get depressed and moody and i just think right now i dont need a extra person to worry about or to think about. i want to concentrate on myself....

...i hope that we can still be friends because your a really nice person and i do like you. i can see it might be very difficult for you especially at first so maybe when youve had time to get used to us not being together we can meet up occaisionally for a drink or sumint.
i would have preferred to tell you in person and i probably would have waited till i saw you on wedesday but it turns out i wont have been able to see you that night because i have a meeting at work, and its a case of having actually worked up the courage to tell you. no-one else at all knows i was going to say this to you so theres no point ringing up my friends they wont find out till later i wanted you to know first.....

.....im sorry to hurt you, your a great person and i do care for you, the time ive spent with you has been amazing but i dont feel that i should have us carry on when im not ready to put myself 100% into the relationship.
im not sure whether ur at work or not im sorry if ive made it for you whilst your there. i presume that your probably gonna ring me or txt me, but i will just be saying the same thing, so im not going to change my mind this time.
again im really sorry it would have probably been better you'd never met me and i wish this was the other way round but i cant change how i feel. you will get over me and you will meet someone else, not many people meet their true love at 21 and 17 its very rare so it may feel like the worlds ended right now but trust me it hasnt give it time and all wounds heal. you will go back to uni soon without havin to worry about me enjoy yourself and probably meet someone there.
im sure we will talk again soon. sorry""

the reasons quoted before are " i need my space", " i do still love you"

i know for sure since march i have turned into an idiot, never given her space, so she must be bored and ive never given her room to miss me, and i guess i have been too available.


Other than that i know that we have never done anything destructive to each other and she said she could 'never rule out being with me in future but that right now she does not feel like it at all', and that she does not at all 'want to be in another relationship wiv any1 else else for a long time, years probably.'


So what do i do? Follow the general concensus on here of ignoring her for a bit, making myself less available?

She got off wiv lads last thursday in a club but I grudgingly gave her my blessing, tho it still hurts

Please give me advice.

Maybe that email I have shown (which doesnt include my name) gives clues??

thanks guys,

snuffy
Please advise me

Wildcat21

Well, well the ONLY way to get her back is to give her space. No calls for 2 months - NO CONTACT. NO e-mails, text, calls - none. Be elusive - make her think about you and wonder what you're doing.

YOU HAVE TO CHANGE and figure out what caused the break.

Then MAYBE call and causaully ask her to go to coffee after 2 months.

Learn about 'Nice Guys' - It's too easy to fall into WUSS behavior. WOMAN HATE THAT! Hate it. Too, nice, too agreeable, no opinion, always there, sharing your feelings all the time etc.

Work on yourself, learn about woman, hang out with your friends and have fun, DATE other woman casually, work on your hobbies/sports, hang with your family - it's important.

I am sure you were too availavble, called all the time, emailed, texted - woman grow to HATE that. Hate it.

Goto these sites and learn about woman and what creates attraction:

www.askmen.com - read every dating article - everyone - ESPECIALLY Doc Love

www.doubleyourdating.com - but the book - seriously.

www.sosusave.com - read every article

www.lovetactics.com - win your lover back

Learn about Nice Gusy an how it's bad for business. Get this part of yur life in order.

Wildcat21

Being needy and clingy is horrible for business.

Wildcat21

You stopped being a challenge for her - game over. SHE IS NOT your life - only part of it. You need other thinsg to keep busy.

Wildcat21

You ALSO need to act like this ok...what ever...your life is great without her.

Wildcat21

Woman love crushing men like you for sport. Act indifferent - don't call.

AND begging in March to have her back - repulsive!!!! Yuck!!!! SICK!!! Be a freaking man.

snuffy

so, judging by my email and the info i have provided there's a good chance I can make her want me.. become attracted, or do you think 3 months of clinginess (before i wasnt so clingy and she was all over me like a rash) have caused irreperable damage??

Wildcat21

I don't know. I don't know how much damage you did to the relationship. I just know what works.

And what doesn't - DON'T go running to the phone whwne she calls ever. Don't return her calls.

YOU HAVE TO CHANGE BIG time - figure out WHAT turned her off.

STOP being so serious - woman HATE serious - light and funny ALL the time.

mike145k

it happens some times the people we love do not love us with the same zeal,i suggest to study the relationship you are in from a nuetral point of view,i know its hard but ask yourself does she love me the way i want her to if the answer is no ,its solved

snuffy

ok so we went out last thursday coz my parents are getting married soon, and she said she wouldn't mind going. Whilst I was out at this bar with her, I was all jokey and light hearted, kinda being 'nonchalant' as you people suggested. I said I'm really delighted whatever you do and I can see its good for both of us to go out and enjoy a little freedom coz of our ages. In short I didn't show any sadness that she isn't going out wiv me anymore.

A compl;ete change from the week b4. if anything i needed her to see that there was a 'change' in my outlook, or else she would have thought i was still broken.

OK since then one of her friends has strongly come onto me and she really fancies me. she is a lovely girl very attractive but obviously the ex g/f said to me, do not get off wiv any of my friends!! I do like this other girl but i am definitely not over my ex g/f and i am reluctant to do anything with this other girl coz i dont wanna hurt either of them. It would take complete knowledge that there was absolutely zero chance of getting back with the ex g/f then i could mentally move on and maybe see how it goes with her friend.

I have not made any contact with the ex g/f since last wednesday. none at all. i wonder if the ex is thinking of me coz ive never gone this long without being in contact.

i dont mind her going out and being free and having a bit of fun, i would be jealous if she started a relationship with any1 because she expressly stated that she wiull not for a long long time. so if she diod that would be a big lie from her.

So, do i continue this no contact, and has my change of 'tact' likely to be working????

wildcat please advise me of the whole situation.


I think i am doinbg well, but i definitely want her back, just she doesnt know it now coz i have not told her.



Thanks, snuffy