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In need of some insight

Asked Jul 15, 2012, 07:17 PM — 15 Answers
I would really like some insight from a dating/relationship expert on my story:

Back in September of 2011, I met this wonderful man through Facebook. We hit it off instantly through emails, texts, phone calls, skype, ect. We live about 2 hours from each other but distance didn't stop either one of us. Very soon into our dating relationship I'll call it, we became crazy for each other. There were however, red flags that I ignored. About 2 months into our relationship, we started to argue, but about the littlest things. I brushed it off because it's normal to argue in a relationship. Around March of this year, him and I decided it wasn't going to work because of distance and some small things but honestly, I was just following what he said. What I really felt was the total opposite. I really liked this guy. Since March, him and I would email and text, but that was all initiated by me. I confessed my love for him then, but he seemed so stand-offish about it. A little over a week ago, I found out he has been seeing someone else. I was in shock because I asked him if he was with someone else and his reply "I don't have time for girls."

My question is, why couldn't he of just told me that?

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15 Answers
bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE's Avatar
bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE Posts: 1,051, Reputation: 571
Ultra Member
  
#11

Jul 16, 2012, 07:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
You stop contact when you agree to end it. Especially if its only you doing the contacting. Then you don't get those mixed signals, and false hope.
Yes I should of never contacted him but I did because my feelings were so strong and I had to let him know.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
Why do some people play games and others don't? I think this is nothing new, and it's not a male OR female thing.

Everyone knows someone who at some point was dating and found out the other person was living with someone, married, seeing someone else.

Years ago I was at an outdoor event when a woman came racing over and hugged my date - then he introduced her. She was his wife. To this day I have no idea who she thought I was or why I was with him or anything in between. Me? I would have brained him and then had a few words for me. She was very civil. I had the distinct feeling this was nothing new to them - and it was the end of that budding relationship. How can anyone lie like that? Who knows!

I truly don't know who a person believes and trusts.

I'm getting cynical.
I wish he didn't play games and just told me from the get-go. He may of been talking to her while we were dating too but I cannot confirm that. Perhaps I was his back-up in case they don't work out, which is why he replied to my texts/emails or he didn't want to be rude.
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,377, Reputation: 50376
Senior Family & People Expert
  
#12

Jul 16, 2012, 07:59 AM


I think you will also learn that he is not responsible for your feelings, or actions, and self control is a necessity in the world of romance, and relationships.
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bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE's Avatar
bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE Posts: 1,051, Reputation: 571
Ultra Member
  
#13

Jul 16, 2012, 08:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
I think you will also learn that he is not responsible for your feelings, or actions, and self control is a necessity in the world of romance, and relationships.
You're right. He is not responsible whatsoever. Just would of been nice if he told me. Would of saved me a lot of not wasting my time.
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JudyKayTee's Avatar
JudyKayTee Posts: 45,482, Reputation: 23573
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#14

Jul 16, 2012, 08:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE View Post
You're right. He is not responsible whatsoever. Just would of been nice if he told me. Would of saved me a lot of not wasting my time.

And, quite honestly, I would be hurt. I've had relationships that didn't work. I truly wouldn't change anything EXCEPT the amount of time I wasted.

I was once told that the grief when a relationship ends (and I'm not saying you are grieving) is more about the loss of the person you THOUGHT the other person was than about losing that person.
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NeedKarma's Avatar
NeedKarma Posts: 10,230, Reputation: 8855
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#15

Jul 16, 2012, 08:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
I was once told that the grief when a relationship ends (and I'm not saying you are grieving) is more about the loss of the person you THOUGHT the other person was than about losing that person.
Very true.
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bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE's Avatar
bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE Posts: 1,051, Reputation: 571
Ultra Member
  
#16

Jul 16, 2012, 08:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
And, quite honestly, I would be hurt. I've had relationships that didn't work. I truly wouldn't change anything EXCEPT the amount of time I wasted.

I was once told that the grief when a relationship ends (and I'm not saying you are grieving) is more about the loss of the person you THOUGHT the other person was than about losing that person.
This is very true. Never thought of it this way.
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