I have been with my fiance for a little over three years. In October of last year we broke up and he slept with his babies mother. He already has two children by her. Well we got back together and in January she said she was like three months pregnant. By this time we were already engaged and talked about wedding plans. This woman has been a thorn in my side since day one. I have had to change my number at least three times for her not to call me. She has threatened me countless times. I have a temper Lord knows and out of respect for him, his kids, and his family have not said or done anything. The woman through out the duration of our relationship has put restrictions on him seeing his kids. He pays child support but the only way that she will let him see the kids is if he goes to her house (which I can't stand but I support him). Since he slept with her he has apologized to me day in and day out. I love his son and daughter to death (6 year old and almost 3 year old).
When he and I first got together the mother was pregnant with the second child. In February I found out that I am pregnant, we have been very careful but had one drunken night. Anyways he is so excited about the baby and calls it "His baby". He says that this is the first child that he won't have restrictions on. The mother has already told him that he has to choose between her and the kids or me and his and my new baby. He basically told her to screw herself. I am just now 23, I work (40 hours a week), am in full time school, I have my real estate license and oh I pay my own bills and split the mortgage. He gave her an 04' Nissan Altima, she doesn't have a job, no college education, and is on government assistants. The woman curses in front of her kids, and is just not a nice person.
I have tried and tried to get along with this woman but nothing will work. I am so frustrated and even more so now that I am pregnant. She sends messages to his phone saying that she is still sleeping with him and what not. He will hardly answer her phone calls because he doesn't want to hear her mouth.
I just need some advice with how to deal with her. I want my child to know and love it's brother and sister and whatever else she is having. I just have this fear that she is going to make the kids hate me and my unborn baby (like jealousy issues). What should I do?

COOKIE MONSTER

you need to seek legal advice about getting proper access to the children [well he does] explain the situation and see if their is a centre were she can drop the children off and he can collect them,tell the person dealing with the case she is making life very difficult for you both and the children explain about the calls and how many times you have had to change your number all this will help,ask if the court will set dates and times that he can have the children and were she has to stick to them

other than that hun you need to stop stressing she's only doing it to get to you and you are letting her your pregnant if you get stressed so will your baby so keep calm

talaniman

I agree with CM, because she can screw everything up, except court ordered visitations, where she can be held in contempt if she does not comply. This is something he must do, as you have no standing, and make sure all the details such as time, and place, of pick up are spelled out. After that you have nothing to say to her.

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Homegirl 50

Well I have a different take on the thing. This is on him. If he a wants to see his kids, then HE needs to go through the proper channels to make sure he does. It's not your responsibility to get along with her or her kids unless you two are married and you have joint custody of his kids. She is still in his life and she knows it. He did go back there and have unprotected sex with her and got her pregnant again. HE is your problem!
Let him deal with the problem with his kids and their mother, and he will if he really wants to. And you keep things right with your child.
He is about to have 4 kids, how old is he?

sbanuelos13

He is about to be 27, I know it's rediculous that he is having that many kids. He wants to marry me right now but I want to wait until I am out of school. Plus there is no telling what the future holds in store for us. I finally got to see his daughter last night (it's been two months since I saw her last). I can't tell you how glad I was that the mother needed a night off from her daughter. Im sure that it will be another two months before I get to see her or her brother again though. She had the odasity to pack her braw in her daughters clothes! What kind of crap is that, acutally I thought it was funny. I know he is my problem and she is not, be she keeps forcing herself to be my problem. I just don't understand how a woman, a mother can be filled with so much hatred torwards someone she doesn't even know, and how she has the time to focuse all of her energy on someone who is not her kid.

Homegirl 50

She does it because as she sees it, he is still her man. Who did he run back to when you two split? She still has her hooks in him.
You have no right to see her kids, you are not their mother in fact at this point you are about to become a baby momma too.
This is his problem to deal with. He can go through the courts and get joint custody of his kids, and if you two were married, then yes you should have access to his children. This is the very reason people should not bring their children into relationships when they already have problems with one parent of the kids, or when you are just dating. Leave the kids out of it until there is a commitment or you have things settled in court. Now these kids are going to be put in a situation where there is another baby their daddy is going to be seeing more than he sees them, by a woman who is in and out of their life too.
Stop playing house and messing with these kids. Concentrate on the one you're getting ready to have and let this boyfriend of yours take care of the mess he has allowed himself to be in with this other woman and his other children.
I wish you well

teresa obst

My honest advice, RUN, don't walk away, just run away. I am a stepmom of 3 and my husbands ex made my life hell. She taught her children to hate me. After battling the system we finally got custody of his then teenage kids, only for me to be physically and verbally abused by them. Good luck, living it, i'd of ran.

talaniman

Had to spread the rep Homegirl, but you have made some very compelling arguments. This guy needs to handle his business in a more mature way, and that will stop the chaos he has created. Sad the kids are in the middle.

sbanuelos13

First of all I am not in and out of his kids lives. We only broke up once because due to her drama. Second of all we have been engaged for quite a long time so I am not going to be just another "baby mama". Im the one holding off from getting married not him. You are right Homegirl it is sad when the kids get put into the middle like this. It's not mine or his fault that his dumb baby mama won't let him see his kids. He still took care of the woman and she still won't let him see his kids. I don't express my feelings about the situation any more because he is the one who has to step up and help his kids rather then making the situation worse. It's not my fault that he will be able to spend more time with our child rather then the other two beautiful kids that he has. His baby mama needs to be the one to quit putting her selfish needs before her kids. Oh and the baby mama is the one making he and myself go in and out of those poor kids's lives. Trust me I am fully aware of the problems that are going to happen after our baby is born.
Juse yesterday she called him over thirty times because she found out we were buying a house and that we are selling my car so that I can get a larger vehicle. He had to call the police for harassment on her. This is a every day thing. It's none of her business what we do in our relationship, I pay my own car payment and pay half of the mortgage, so her input doesn't matter. She decided to be psycho as usual went on line at public data.com and decided to pull up all of my speeding tickets and then call and throw them in our faces that she was able to find them. She is so wrapped up in me that instead of taking care of the three kids at her house she has time to google me on line and research me, now that is pathetic.
Oh and he didn't run back to her, he got drunk and slept with her. That's it she was just a f*** like she used to be. There is a complete difference in her and myself. Running back would consist of trying to have a relationship, going over there to have sex consists only of that.
Besides the point the woman is still selfish, crazy, and trash.
I have tried over and over to be civilized with her but its just not going to work.

Homegirl 50

I don't care how long you've been engaged, the fact that you are about to have a baby by him and you are not his wife, makes you a baby mama just like her. You're smart not to marry him, he comes with too much drama. (and God forbid he gets drunk again.) If he owes any back child support, he will be paying out the wazoo and you and your baby will get the short end of the stick.

This is his fault, because he will not stay out of this woman's life. He has a 6 year old by her a 3 year old and 3 years later he goes back there and makes another baby. This is his doing. He still had sex with her. He either got drunk and went to her, or got drunk with her, either way it was his choice. He had unprotected sex with her and then went back to you. That is trifling! If she is just a f***, he chose to f***her, several times, there are about to be 3 kids. Running over there to have unprotected sex with her, knowing he already has problems with her and is going to cause more problems is just stupid. How do you know he was not dippin there before the "drunk" episode and how many times after? You need to open your eyes a little wider.

Granted the woman sounds crazy, but he created this mess. He has now made two other babies while dealing with this mess. This is on him. He needs to go to court and file for joint custody of those kids if they are so important to him.
Instead of worrying about her, you need to put him in check. Leave him alone until he straightens this mess out. You are going to have your hands full once this baby comes, you don't need his drama. This woman manipulates things because he allows it, and until he puts his foot down with her, acts like he means business and files for joint custody of his kids, this will continue.
I wish you the best.