I have been with my fiance for a little over three years. In October of last year we broke up and he slept with his babies mother. He already has two children by her. Well we got back together and in January she said she was like three months pregnant. By this time we were already engaged and talked about wedding plans. This woman has been a thorn in my side since day one. I have had to change my number at least three times for her not to call me. She has threatened me countless times. I have a temper Lord knows and out of respect for him, his kids, and his family have not said or done anything. The woman through out the duration of our relationship has put restrictions on him seeing his kids. He pays child support but the only way that she will let him see the kids is if he goes to her house (which I can't stand but I support him). Since he slept with her he has apologized to me day in and day out. I love his son and daughter to death (6 year old and almost 3 year old).
When he and I first got together the mother was pregnant with the second child. In February I found out that I am pregnant, we have been very careful but had one drunken night. Anyways he is so excited about the baby and calls it "His baby". He says that this is the first child that he won't have restrictions on. The mother has already told him that he has to choose between her and the kids or me and his and my new baby. He basically told her to screw herself. I am just now 23, I work (40 hours a week), am in full time school, I have my real estate license and oh I pay my own bills and split the mortgage. He gave her an 04' Nissan Altima, she doesn't have a job, no college education, and is on government assistants. The woman curses in front of her kids, and is just not a nice person.
I have tried and tried to get along with this woman but nothing will work. I am so frustrated and even more so now that I am pregnant. She sends messages to his phone saying that she is still sleeping with him and what not. He will hardly answer her phone calls because he doesn't want to hear her mouth.
I just need some advice with how to deal with her. I want my child to know and love it's brother and sister and whatever else she is having. I just have this fear that she is going to make the kids hate me and my unborn baby (like jealousy issues). What should I do?

talaniman

Haven't we learned anything from watching Jerry Springer???? Two women will always fight each other, rather than kick the lying, cheating, moron to the curb. Whats up with that????

chuff

What exactly do you get from this relationship? My guess is the excitement of the drama and the challenge of winning him back from his ex every now and then. Not exactly a healthy way to run your life.

talaniman

I think your getting a preview of the way it will be. What self respecting man allows this type of drama in his life, and let it impact his new family(?) in such a negative way?

sbanuelos13

Personally I love him, I hate the drama, and this isn't like Jerry Springer because I am not white trash. She chooses to cause the drama that I like to avoid. He did get kicked to the curb but sometimes you can't help the way you feel. He does pay child support for both the kids, he pays for their private school too. He talked to a lawyer about getting joint custody but they said it would be hard since he has a record from like 5 years ago. In Texas the father has no rights, he received visitation and a type of custody through DHS because he pays his child support. He is supposed to get the kids one day out of the week and two weekends out of the month, and one month out of the summer. The order says that if she doesn't give the kids to him then a citation will be issued. Well there have been plenty of times that we haven't seen the kids and when we called the cops they told us that they couldn't do anything about it. He didn't cheat if we weren't together, and no he wasn't double dipping, through the past year she was in a serious relationship, needless to say if he was she nor he will admit to it (you would think that she at least would).
What do I get from this relationship is just being happy with him, through all the drama and the craziness we are happy. Believe me it's no reward to win someone back if constant drama is in the way. Nice analysis of the situation though. I didn't try to get pregnant, it was just one slip up in January, I don't believe in having kids out of wedlock but since I refuse to get married right now that is what I am forced to do. Fortunately for me if I do choose to leave him and won't be reliant on him for anything. I run my life to the best of my ability, I focus on whats important to me, health, my relationship with god, my family, work and school, I can't help it when its all interrupted by some woman who just can't get over the facts. I was in the Army so I have learned patients, but I am losing them slowly and surely. A woman is only as blind as she chooses to be, I have had my eyes open for quite a while now. I asked for advice not judgement. I quit watching Jerry Springer when I grew up, got a life, and didn't feel like watching trailer trash anymore. Im not fighting for him if I already have him, I am just needing advice on dealing with a baby mama in the most peaceful way possible. I don't disrespect her in front of her kids, I don't talk when she calls, I don't say F****ed up things to the kids, hell I try not to talk about her at all. I have tried to be the grown up about the situation and I just turned 23, this woman is 26 and has kids, she should be acting more mature then me. I understand that what he has done has caused more friction then I could have ever imagined, and I feel for the babies that are in the mix. I don't come from a life of drama and honestly every day I think about "How can I bring a poor innocent child into this". My sister and her ex husbands baby's mother (who's kids are older) are like best friends, they set up play dates for the kids, my sister went to her baby shower, they go out together like every other month, and I have plenty of friends that have similar relationships. It's not hard, I am not an angry person, I used to be but I've grown up. I have never dreamt of having a relationship like this but this is what was thrown at me. I just feel for the kids, his kids love me, and they will always be torn, its just a sad situation. I know what I want in my life, a nice home, nice car, great family, amazing career, and especially for my child to be involved with his or her brother and sisters. Family is very important to me and this whole situation sucks. My fiance's sisters get put in a tug of war when they want to talk or hang out with me. The baby's mother makes them feel like they have to choose sides. Which is ridiculous, I am not from Texas, all my family lives in Oklahoma, Florida, Michigan, and Ohio. I don't have anyone close to me and when his sisters want to reach out me they feel the struggle. I don't know this is all a mess. I really appreciate all of you who are actually reading this, who disagree, and agree, who give constructive and informative criticism, I really do appreciate it. I really don't have anyone to vent to so this is kind of my form of getting things off of my chest. Thanks!

talaniman

Forgive my harsh comments, they were to illicit information not give insults. Heartfelt sorry.
Wrong law enforcement entity, report her to the courts, where the order was made, but this is a common mistake, as the cops wont enforce any court decrees involving custody, with out a judges direct order, or the prosecutors recommendation. I too, live in Texas. Cops are not shy here, doing there job, when their boss gives them orders.
Your in the right place, so vent away as your situation can't be easy especially when your pregnant. Your man MUST take a more proactive role in this situation, no doubt about that. All you can do is keep your cool for now. Good Luck with your pregnancy, and make that guy rub your feet.

Homegirl 50

I am not judging and I apologize if it appears that way. I really feel for your situation. The woman is crazy and the man has allowed himself to be in a messed up situation. I have no doubt that you love this man, but your responsibility now is to this baby you are carrying. You nor this baby need this drama. I will be hard, but I still think you need to remove yourself and just get through this pregnancy.
If you need to vent, feel free to do so. It makes me ill when women use kids as pawns to keep a man hanging on to them and it sounds like this is what this female is doing and all the kids involved will unfortunately suffer. Men really need to always be using condoms and women need to insist they do, and if they don't, the man needs to see that as a red flag.
At any rate, I sincerely do wish you and your baby the best.

cerisa

What a mess. I feel for the mother of soon to be three children with this no-account juvenile man. Why do women get involved with men like this and then get all involved with the family drama, and you are part of the drama too. It won't change with you, he is what he is, there is another girl waiting in the wings believing whatever he is saying now.

sbanuelos13

You feel for the mother of the kids? Well maybe if you knew her you wouldn't. She put her self in that position, telling his whole family that she is having that poor baby just to get back at him and to break us up. You should feel sorry for the kids and the unborn one that that crazy women is about to have. Its bad enough she is trying to ruin the two she has and now she is having one more under bad cirumstances. What a joke, I know the saying "Old dogs can't learn new tricks". Trust me if there is a girl in the "wing" then let her step up and fill my position. I don't need to be with someone who can't be there for me and is a man whore. He knows this and we have gone round and round about that subject. Hello of course I am apart of the dram, if it weren't for me being surrounded by drama I wouldn't be in this forum. Are you a baby mama?

Homegirl 50

I'm assuming you are speaking to cerisa. I feel for all of you. This man is irresponsible. He made these babies. He could have used protection and he didn't, knowing this other woman is strung out on him and he should have used it with you after her was with her.
You will be surrounded by this mess as long as you deal with him. And now you have a baby on the way that will also be apart of this as long as you are around him.
I am not a baby momma

chuff

So a month later I'll ask you the same question. What exactly do you get from this relationship?