At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
My question is actually a long one. I was in a 2 year relationship with a man who is the father of my 2 year old daughter. He treated me like a queen the first year of our relationship. However he became very abusive to me even punching me a the stomach when I was pregnant. I eventually lost the baby. He was involved with drugs and alcohol and didn't come home alot of nights without even calling me. I meet a real nice guy at work. Someone who treated me good and someone that always gave me sound advice. Eventually I had enough guts to leave my boyfriend and began to date this man from work. I got a different job and he eventually left there to. We dated for 3 months. He put up with alot of aggrevation from my ex. Whether it was threatning phone calls, him spitting on his truck, him showing up at my house when he was there and he also had to deal with my two other children with a different man. This boyfriend didn't have any kids and never dated anyone with kids. He is well educated with his MBA. He became very miserable and always told me to be patient that he was just trying to get used to all of this. Because of him being miserable I began talking to my ex and he began to promise me that he has changed and that he is going to rehad and that he wants to be a good father and so on. I ending up going back with him. It's been about 3 weeks now. Everything is going well but my fear is what if he goes back to his old ways and I just left a really good guy and know I'm starting to realize everything he had to put up with.
What is your advice.
You have given yourself the answer in parts of your question, because you are saying when is it all going to kick off again in your head, and be honist from reading your post you do not trust or love this guy !!
What kind of man can hit his gf in the belly when she is carrying his child is lower than low, and it makes it worse that you say this child was lost because of these actions.... I feel that you need to think about the safty of your kids, as you have already said this guy has anger issue's and drugs and booze problems, if you put yourself into the line of fire when he's ready too kick off again thats your choice, but your kids can't make that choice and need to be kept safe. What are they going to learn from him, how to beat woman and get wasted ??
From reading your post, I feel that you already know this guy is no good for you -- People do not just change that fast in such a short period of time --
Thanks for your advice. However, How would I go about trying to get the other guy back into my life. He was very upset when he found out and I'm sure he doesn't trust me. How long should I give it. You really don't think my current relationship will get better.
No way will your curretn relationship get better. Even if your abuser does get successful treatment getting back with a woman he abused can make all that go away. As far as getting back with the good guy, don't be to hopeful. Forgiveness for you leaving him for an absusive ex isn't likely to come.
"began talking to my ex and he began to promise me that he has changed and that he is going to rehad and that he wants to be a good father and so on." - are you completely NUTS?????? Sure he's on best behavior - BUT there is a time bomb ticking inside. AND you didn't bother to go to therapy????
Get away from this man immediately!!! The abuse is coming - I AM SURE he never went to a conselor
My god!!! He punched and you're back with him. These PSYCOPATHS lie all day long to get what they want.
The other guy is gone. You blew that - WHY do woman do this???? They ALWAYS leave the nice/good guy for the abuser. WHY???? I wouldn't trust you either.
I would hope this good guy never has anything to do with you again. You need to learn some hard lessons here and grow up.
Hi, psugrad,
Others have given some really good advise; leave him now.
You left a good guy, to go back with someone who you can't trust. If you don't trust him, leave now. He may or may not change, but personally, I would not take that chance. If he gets mad at you, it could be much, much worse that just a punch in the stomach!
It's your decision. I hope you choose the good guy before it's too late. Talk with him, tell him you made a big mistake. If he really loves you, then he might understand. If he doesn't want you back, move on to better things. It will take awhile.
Honey, why? why would you leave a good man to go back to trash like that? I understand that most woman think they are doing a favor to the child by doing this but they are wrong. The child suffers from that behavior. Please when you can get a chance go to the other man and just tell him that you are sorry you thought you were doing what was best for the children and you realize you made a mistake and he is the one you want to be with. I would be carefull about the fact that he is a single man with no children. I lived in a situation like that for a bit after my husband left me and the man had me and my whole family thinking he would marry me and then he decided that not only had he not gotten over some girl but he was really not ready for children and then he turned into a jerk. However your guy is probably not like that. So go back to him and win him back.
I would like to give you the happily ever after ending, but I have to agree w/ everyone else on this one. Things are going to be good for a while, but he will eventually show that ugly side of himself again. The fact that he has never even sought counseling isn't going to help your situation either. I have never and will never agree with leaving one relationship for another. You leave a relationship because that person was not for you. Jumping from one relationship to another, and exposing your children to different men is not healthy for them. You must leave him, but don't run into the arms of another man, run because your safety is in danger. Spend some time alone for a while to explore who you are, what is is that you want out of life, date, meet other people. You need some time to heal your wounds. Jumping into another relationship when you don't even have this one resolved will only drag more people into this DANGEROUS situation. You should for you and your childrens safety leave this man, and seek an immediate order of protection.
Good Luck!!
I feel that you need to think about the safty of your kids, as you have already said this guy has anger issue's and drugs and booze problems, if you put yourself into the line of fire when he's ready too kick off again thats your choice, but your kids can't make that choice and need to be kept safe. What are they going to learn from him, how to beat woman and get wasted ??
Linear Mode
