NC is a big topic on this board, and the main question is usually will it bring my ex back? The answer to that is Don't do it to bring your ex back. Do it because it helps your healing process. Sometimes a by product of NC is sparking curiosity in the other person. The take away is do it for yourself.

I was dumped after 2 years because she didn;t think it was going to work out. I never initiated contacted, that meant no text, no emails, no phone calls. No Contact what so ever. It's hard to do because you think there's hope and you can talk your way back into it. If you are able to talk your way through it, ask yourself if that's what you want. You convinced that person to come back, that person didn't come back on their own.

She initiated contact, text, ims. I ignored them. This lead to occassional phone calls after 2 months. I did not answer. Again, its hard to do, and it will get you thinking and hoping what it might turn into. I felt bad and wanted to set things straight. I picked up and talked. That led to meeting, and she found that she missed me and wanted to work things out. We are now together and things are good and not so good in a way. Its good because she made the decision to come back and its what she wants. The bad, is the questions and doubts of what happpened during that time. It's something that I still work on. Its getting better. This might not be an issue for others, but it may come up. Also, coming from the dumpee side, you do have a memory that this person hurt you enormously. Question is: YOu can forgive, but can you forget?

NC did help, because she was curious in how I was doing, it allowed reality to set in for her. She wanted me out of her life, she got it. If you still make contact, you're not giving what they asked for and you become a nag. They will see if its really what they want. Others will also say that it hurts some of their ego, that you are just fine with out them. Again, don't do NC to play mind games. I didn't do it for that reason. I really needed it to move on, and for me to heal. Initiating contact would only hold me back.

NC helped, sharing my situation on this board helped, talking to friends helped. Knowing that I was not alone, and that horrible feeling was felt by others, and these same people healed and moved on. We are going to get hurt, not just once, but many times. Feelings never stick around forever. Life is fluid, and things will only get better, you have to want it and really try to get things better.

Stay strong everyone. There's alot of great and helpful people on here.

ISneezeFunny

just...beautiful.

ihatewestseneca

Yeah, thats awesome! I'd like to see someone doubt NC now!

ISneezeFunny

god I was such a doubter of NC.

My initial reaction to tal saying "go NC" was..."who's this guy? what's his problem?"

I thought..."how am I ever going to get her back if I DON'T talk to her?!?"

...then...a month into it, I realized...it's not about getting her back...it's about getting ME back. and once I got myself back, I realized...I don't want her back.

ihatewestseneca

Same here... everyone comes to the relationship section of this forum looking for the same answer, the "magic potent" (as Tal would put it) to get their ex back. and what they get is an even better answer, it just takes a little bit to sink in.

CaribMan

its been 3 weeks since ive seen my ex 5 days on NC. i realize im very happy being alone. i let go myself from her. but i still miss her, still have thoughts about her, still have dreams about her even last night i had one.....part of me still wants her to come back to me on her own... sometimes i dont mind this waiting feeling but when will it end???? what u guys think give it another month>??

ISneezeFunny

really depends on the person...how long you two have been together...etc.

for example, there are people on this conf that have been together for 2 years, and have taken 8 months of NC to get out of it.

I was with mine for 3 years. took me 2 months.

lynxwizard

Needofhelp, Did you tell her you were walking away or did you just do it ?

HistorianChick

Beautiful post. A great addition to the world of shall-I-try-NC?. Thank you for your honesty!

Here's wishing you many happy tomorrows!

susangpyp

GREAT POST!!! :D Thanks for sharing your experience with everyone. NC is the way to go for YOU.