I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. (4 if you wouldn't count break-ups) He has this friend that is ALWAYS at our house, 5 days out of 7. About 2-3 months ago i just started feeling left out all the time. I wanted his attention & it seemed like he wouldn't give it to me. He would rather go to the bar with his friend, every weekend almost. I would just sit at home by myself. It doesn't bother me that he goes out or spends time with his friend. But he thinks that it's okay to just let me sit there all the time when he goes out & doesn't know when to come home. A month ago, he came home with this friend one night & they were both drunk. I was so mad at him for telling me he was at the bar, when i found out he was at somebody else's house when he called me & told me he would be home any time. I started yelling him about not being told where he was or when he was coming home. I don't remember what all was said, but as i walked back the hall to our bedroom, he said something that really made me mad. I walked back out & was yelling at him about him doing this to me all the time, & as he was getting up off the couch to stand up. I shoved him, it wasn't too hard - but at the same time i know it wasn't right. I didn't even realize that it was such a big deal until the next day. I tried talking to him twice about everything that has happened. He isn't one for much talking, he thinks that things should be left alone when i need answers for things. I asked him if he wanted to me get my things & get out many times. But, all he tells me is that it's up to me. If i want to leave, then leave. When i told him that i don't want to, but i don't want to be somewhere that i'm not wanted. He tells me that if i'm here i'm here & if i'm not, i'm not. He also says that things wont be the same again, because of me doing that to him. I know i lost his respect & he's told me that himself. I just can't help but think if he wanted this to work out, that he would do something about it. But, all that i hear is that he doesn't care or he doesn't know. I don't understand why he wont just give me a straight answer. Just to tell me a simple yes or no. If he wants to me get out or not. He says he still loves me, that he always will. I'm just not sure what he thinks because he hates talking about this stuff. If you don't tell him what he wants to hear, then he gets pissed. He's told me that himself too. When i ask him if he wants to work things out, all he will tell me is that if it works out, it works out. and if it doesn't, it doesn't. I'm not sure if he doesn't really know. or if he doesn't have the guts to tell me it's over & that i need to get out. Since this has happneded he's slept in the same bed with me, was nice to me & other things. It just doesn't make any sense why he wont tell me a straight answer. I don't want to leave, because i'm hoping that he'll want to work things out & i don't to just say the hell with everything we've been though & what we have. it's soo confusing!

bluerose

There is something wrong with a friend who sticks around that much. Have a chat with your guy, it’s time for him to move on a bit and see that you are the one he should be taking care of. This is an age old story, a guy finds a girl but also finds it hard to let go of his mates. He can have his mates around but the game plan has changed, they shouldn’t be around so much. You should be the one he is trying to make happy now not his mates. Sit him down for a chat.

Depressed in MO

I'm sorry but I think you should start looking to live elsewhere.
He obviously doesn't care if you leave or stay. I can tell you from a similar experience, if you stay, it will most likely get worse for you and you will hurt even more-making it even harder for you to leave-which is what you should do in the first place (long sentence, I know).

By him saying "If you want to leave, then leave, if you want to stay, then stay" is basically another way for him to tell you that he could care less about how you feel. Most likely, in his mind, he is thinking that he KNOWS you aren't going to leave. And right now, he is probably right.

Don't let somebody bring you down like this. Your self esteem will go way down, and let me tell you something sister, it's even harder to bring back up.

Let me share a short personal story as an example:

Lived for years with a guy like yours. Told me the same things as your man is telling you. I cried and cried every night wondering what is wrong with ME? For years this went on.
One day, I decided I was going to leave him. He calls me on the phone and I'm telling him I'm outta here, and this and that. He was like "if you want to leave, then leave...etc".
I never went anywhere. He continued to stay gone for days (as he had always done so previously). I called and called crying begging HIM not to leave ME, and that I was sorry and blah blah blah." He finally came home and treated me like crap for another few months, until I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore.
Basically, the story goes, I LET him treat me like that-which in return, made him think that I would never go anywhere and he could disrespect me all he wanted.
I tried to leave him, and then begged HIM to take ME back.

How embarassing and pathetic it is for me to share that. But it is true. I had to put myself in counselling and I finally left him for good, It's been close to four months now.

Looking back, it sickens me how I allowed him to treat me. Don't let it get that far with you girl.
Take your life back and get your butt out of there before you let this man destroy your self worth.

squeaks77

Although violence should never be the answer, drunken louts deserve NO RESPECT. He loves the bottle more than you and I say this from experience. Get out and find a man who will give you at least a modicum of attention! I've been told they are out there

spitvenom

I'm sorry but your man is a sissy (cleanest word I can think of)!!!! He really made a big deal out of you pushing his drunk @$$ back on the couch! Go find yourself a real man who won't pout like a baby because you pushed him on the couch. If that was me I would have gained so much MORE respect for you for not putting up with smart @$$ comments and for sticking up for yourself.