Hi everyone,

I have a few questions about this girl...

The thing is, I have german class with her about 3 times a week.. and I've gotten to know her better and better for the past.. 5 weeks.

She has been giving me "signs" but I'm a bit inexperienced so I'm not sure if she's interested in me or not. Last week, she added me on Facebook, we talked on Facebook for about half an hour, then she asked for my e-mail address.

Once I gave her my e-mail address, we chatted on MSN for about 2 more hours. Then she had to go, but she did leave me an e-mail saying that she liked the conversation a lot, and was wondering if I would like to go and take a walk with her sometime and talk. She also asked me for my phone number (which I gave to her of course).

The next day, we walked for about an hour, and the day after we took a walk for about 2 hours. She always laughs at my jokes, and basically loves my sense of humour (not trying to show off or anything, but 99% of my jokes do make her laugh). Sometimes we both laugh uncontrollably.. which is quite great, I must admit lol

Now I get the impression she's interested in me, but I'm not sure about it. And if she is interested, what do I do?

I'm quite confused.. I've only been in one relationship in the past, and that girl was a real b*tch .

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
-Xm8

P.S.

Details : I'm 16, she's 15, we're in the same year/grade at school, but not same class (except for german as I mentioned above).

All signs are pointing in the "interested" direction. It is usually pretty safe to assume if they ask for your number that they are interested in you... so ask her to dinner, and quit making her be the "guy" in these situations. You have nothing to lose. Go for it!

Yeah I think you should go for it too! And good luck she sounds lovely.

Keep talking, and enjoying each other. What is it you want to do?

Keep talking, perhaps instead of a walk, ask her out for a cup of coffee or something friendly where you can discuss more with her.

All signs are pointing to interested, I've never had a girl ask for my number and make all the effort and her not to be interested in getting to know me better. Take it slow

I'm 16, she's 15, we're in the same year/grade at school, but not same class (except for german as I mentioned above).

Sodas would be more age appropriate.

Ha ha I missed those details, sorry Tal..

But hey, maybe they enjoy coffee, kids these days. Ha ha!

Well,

I would've liked to ask her out to dinner, but like talaniman mentioned it isn't really that age appropriate. I would feel awkward asking her out to dinner anyway.

There is just one thing though.. As all of you mentioned, she's pointed in the "interested" direction and making all the efforts, but there are some.. let's say "troubling" things.

When we were talking once, she told me that she hated it when guys she's friends with, suddenly want to go out with her because a) she doesn't want to and
b) she doesn't want to hurt the guy's feelings by rejecting him

At the time we were talking about this guy in my class who wanted to go out with her.. and she rejected him because he's just plain crazy, and only interested in the sexual side of a relationship.

Upon reflection, I got the idea that maybe she was hinting to me that she wouldn't want me to do that with her in the future?

Call me paranoid, but I'm not that good with relationships, so excuse my childish worries (if I'm wrong)

Well then.. I guess I should ask her out for a coffee or something, right? Personally I do love a good cup of coffee :D although I don't know about her yet lol.

Talaniman, you asked me what I would want to do? Well honestly I would like to.. keep on taking walks with her and talking, I find it, not only amusing but simply wonderful and she's really an amazing girl, I'm glad I got to know her.

I'd like to ask her out for coffee or something but the problem is that I don't know any good cafés, and I'm not sure she would be so keen on the idea.


I simply just don't know what to do :confused:

-Xm8

Look it's hard to tell what she meant. She might be hinting you, she might be just commenting about a fact of her life, she might be trying to tell you that if you don't ask her out, other people will.

If you have feelings for her, I say ask her out. And be ready to be rejected - and after that don't run away from her. If you do you can still be her friend. You wouldn't even be a good friend if you are attracted and don't let her know that.

Also, you could wait a little bit more to wait for more signs but be warned that you might end up in the "friend zone" if you wait too long. I wouldn't be worried with being friendzoned though. I know a lot of good couples that started in that situation, it's just a steeper hill to climb in the beginning.

But if you genuinely like the idea of being her friend, then just keep doing what you are doing now. Lovers come and go. Friends, good friends in particular, those are harder to have.

Suggestion: call her to hang out on the mall or go downtown... something that you would do with your guyfriends, that doesn't qualify as a date, but is a step higher than just a walk to talk. This way if she starts with the "look, I don't see you that way" you could just say "hey, I'm not asking you out for dinner, it's just a friends thing...".

Thanks for your reply,

I understand what you mean about the "just being friendly" plan.. but the thing is I don't really.. go out much. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not some weirdo or anything, it's just that both me and her, are really busy with school work and usually when I'm with friends, it's in front of school, just after class for a short time, or in this restaurant across the street from school.

I'd ask her out for a coffee in that restaurant, but it is quite shabby, and even though most of the people from my school go there.. I just wouldn't feel comfortable in there with her, and I don't think she likes the place much anyway.

And where I live, the malls aren't really.. fun places to go to, I imagine in the States it's a nice place to hang out in, but unfortunately over here it's not the case.

To be honest I'm also kind of worried about falling into the friend zone, climbing the mountain is already steep as it is, being in the friend zone would only make it harder for me.

I've only known her for just over a month, so what is the chance of being in her friend zone? Should I ask her to do something on the weekend?


I'm lost here...

Xm8

Keep talking, and if you sense she doesn't date, then see what she does like to do.

At your age friend zone is not a bad thing, but make sure you don't get so carried away by your young feelings you are blind to reality.

My guess is she only has friends, and doesn't want a b/f, that's why I asked what you wanted to do.

Hey, I was young once, and holding hands, and being with someone closely is some heady stuff. ( hormones )

Well I get the feeling that she doesn't want to date.. although she told me she broke up with her last boyfriend because she had to move away, so it wasn't like she's against having a boy friend, just that a long distance relationship is troublesome I guess.

Anyway.. I guess I want her as a girl friend.. but not for sex or anything. I'm not saying that she isn't hot, or that I don't like sex but I've had sex before and to be honest, I'm not so crazy about doing it again until I know I've found the right woman - which I expect will be at marriage (if I ever do get married).

Holding hands is something I wouldn't mind a bit.. although since she's sending mixed signals I don't know what to do..

:confused:

That's why you talk, and be a good listener. Then when you get mixed signals you ask about them. Females really do love to talk about their feelings, when they are comfortable, and trust you.

How long have you been talking together?

Well we've been talking together for about over a month now but.. that's not important I guess.

I asked her today if she was willing to take a walk with me tomorrow during her free period and she told me that she couldn't because she was busy. She made it clear to me that she hoped she wouldn't want me to ever like her as more than a friend, even though I was a very nice person.

We've been texting each other for the past hour, and she got the impression that I'm pissed.. I told her I'm not because, well I just shouldn't be pissed, or even show it.

To be honest I'm dissapointed. I'm only 16, I'm aware that I may have many other women in my life. The problem is I've never gotten much attention from girls (like other boys) through out my child hood and that's a confidence breaker. I'm not fat or ugly or anything.. I don't know.

Hehe, well easy come easy go, huh?

-Xm8

You have plenty of time to get attention from girls man. Don't worry about that. To be honest, once college hits, after a year or two of that, you get almost sick of it (cough**).

At least you have her as a friend. The girls will come, trust me... You sound like a good kid with a good head on your shoulders, and girls love that stuff (at your age, they love the bad boys as well).

Carry on... :cool:

Disappointing I know, but she is a friend, and your free to keep looking.

AH... but you are ahead of so many other men (boys). You see I am in a totally male dominated field. Have been for over 20 years and am affiliated with University students so I see them right out of high school. All kinds!! You already are willing able and capable of talking to girls. So many are not.

I think you should just focus on doing activities together with the girls you like and keeping communication open (texting, phone, email, IM). Pair up in group events... dances, games, school functions, movies, etc. with out expectation. Trust me, you will know and not have any doubts when you should the turn to something more serious.

Once in awhile, someone might miss out because neither acted. I doubt this is very often. And I sort of think these two need to not really be together if neither are willing to put themselves out on the line.

Good luck. Girls do not grow up as fast as boys in this area (IMO) and she may not know what she wants. She may want to date you but her friends may be talking her out of it. Either way, if she is sending mixed or negative signals, you are wise to remain a friend.

I think you're right in saying that she doesn't know what she wants. Personally I feel that just maybe she might have liked to go out with me but she is way too occupied with her school work, which I can understand. That's the feeling I got... but I'm probably wrong.

The thing is I've gotten used to being rejected by girls so I don't take it that bad anymore.. I've never had a real relationship except for one girl friend last year.. which really wrecked my life and kind of put me off girls for a while.

I'm glad I met this girl (who is by the way called Stefanie), even if we're just friends, because she helped me get over that terrible experience.

Stefanie.. is living proof to me, that there are better girls out there and there is hope.

I guess someday I might find a girl like her, or maybe even better.

I would've liked to ask "how can I have a girl friend" but I'm not looking for some girl to just kiss endlessely.. I may not now what love is, the way a 25 or a 30 year old might but I've got a pretty good idea that's it's much more than just kissing and sex. I know it's also about talking, having deep intimate conversations and caring about one another.

Unfortunately I don't know any girls like that in my school except Stefanie and 2 more. But they're out of my league so I won't even bother.

I guess chances for me might get better in university right?

Can anyone shed some more light on this theme, I must admit that from time to time I doubt my own beliefs.


Thanks,

-Xm8

Make friends with them all, and have a great time with them. Its like going to a dance and getting a dance with all the ladies, and then pick one. If that doesn't work out, pick another.

Your looking for great friends, not a wife. Your looking for someone to have fun with, not a soul mate.

Adjust your thinking, and the world gets bigger, and the choices get broader, and the possibilities are endless.

I think when you approach females from that perspective, as people, and enjoy them for that, as your age group is about fun, you will have better options, and that rejection thing, so many are afraid of, will be replaced by confident experience.

So can you boogy?

No such thing exists, except in your mind.