[LostCaliBoy24]

I went over to my ex girlfriends house today to wash my car and pic up a couple of my things. (we broke up 5 months ago and I didn't have room for all my stuff when I moved into my new place. I decided to try and stay friends.) She called me a couple of days ago and asked me to fix a door in her house for her. I figured I would take a look at it while I was there. She was not home. I went into her bedroom to fix the door but stopped off to go to the bathroom. I noticed two towels on the shower door. With other information I realized she is having "sleep overs" with her old boss. (He happens to be about 70 years old) I got sick in her toilet. I realized I haven't let go. How long do my feelings for her last? Is there any way I can move past this faster? It is seriously affecting my life, borderline depression, lack of self-esteem, not willing to meet new girls. Is this an emotional attachment problem? How can I correct this?

[SouthernBelle06]

Well one way to move past this faster is to stop with this "friends with the ex" business. Why do so many people insist on torturing themselves with this? Why? Because we want to be there and fresh on their minds "just in case" they decide they want us back? We are ready to jump when the almighty ex says "frog!"?

If you still have feelings for an ex and want them back, staying friends after a breakup is not a good idea. Read many of the threads on this forum and you will see how much torture, confusion, and upset that this causes. It pretty much halts the getting over them process. I am not opposed to being friends with an ex but ONLY when both parties are truly over one another. You know how you know when you are over your ex? When you can hear about or see your ex on a date with someone new, kissing them, or think about them sleeping with someone else and it doesn't bother you. Until you get to that point, stop with the friendship nonsense for your own sake.

To add to this, I think that most dumpers want to be friends with the ex out of guilt and to lessen the perception of them as the "bad guy or girl", and yes they probably like you in some ways ard care about you still... just not in THAT way anymore. And most dumpees want to be friends with the ex because they think this will keep them in contact with the ex and stay fresh on their minds. They think that the friendship will give them a chance to remind the ex of how great they are, let them see what they are missing, give them a chance to try to impress the ex or make them jealous (by flirting with someone else in front of the ex for example) and ultimately get them back. They think that the ex will be touched by their maturity to handle the friendship and will want them back.

[Jiser]

Lol well I am going for the ex friendship thing and she's pushing more and more for me to go out with her for drinks etc... So who knows. Fact is I have a great life without her and always have, a good bunch of friends, hobbies. You don't need anyone to be happy, although in my case I am not completely over her and I do hope for more I am wary with more experience - learnt a lot from here.

If she kisses someone else, o well? ;] As said an ex is an ex for a reason. The ex is losing out at the end of the day.

[SouthernBelle06]

As with every rule, there must be an exception and you Jiser, just may be it. It sounds like your ex may be the one wanting you back. You may actually be closer to getting over her than you think because the contact with her is not leaving you confused, upset, and stuck as is so often the case with the majority of the posters here (and this very thread included). Whatever the reason Jiser, it sounds like you are doing great and your attitude of not letting this breakup crush yourself esteem and your quality of life is admirable. I know that you will be OK! ;)

[LostCaliBoy24]

I am still thinking of my ex of 5 months. I'm fine as long as I'm busy. I've been reading a lot of other posts on here and am trying to take the advice and run with it by living my own life. I've started working on my motorcycle again, project bike, and have been studying a good deal and going out for a few drinks with friends a couple nights a week. The problem comes up when I take a break. My brain always goes right back to her. I've only talked to her once in the last two weeks because I still have a couple of things over at her house. (Don't worry, I'm getting it out this week. Needed to fix motorcycle before I could ride it home.) Last night, I couldn't sleep because she was on my mind. No matter how much I try to think about other things, it comes back to her. Due to my not being able to sleep, I wrote this:

I wish you could see what you do to me.
Whenever we’re together, I felt so free.
Your beautiful face, filled with life.
Discussions we had lasted all night.
You would call my name when you needed something,
And I was happy to help without receiving anything.
I would always be there for you, anything you need,
But I started to fall short because of your greed.
When we went our separate ways
I found myself living, counting the days.
To be back with you, and hear you say
“I want to see you sometime today,
Only because I love you.”

I tried to keep the friendship alive,
Maybe one day, go for a ride.
But now you’ve shown that will never be.
Because you have nothing to offer me.
I will live without you near
And I will not shed a tear.
Now you’re happy with somebody new
I wish there was something that I could do.
To get rid of this confusion that I feel inside
To find myself and find my pride.
Our interests are different, you really like art
But all I wanted was a piece of your heart
So I say goodbye now and forever
And wish you the best with every endeavor.
Only because I love you.

I've never written poetry. This was very easy to write, don't ask me why, and afterward I fell right to sleep. I got on my computer today and read it to one of my friends and I lost it. Cried like a baby. What is it that I have to do get rid of this? Do I have an obsessive personality? I want it to go away so I can go on with my life. Any thoughts?

[mckenzie134]

Great poem and I know how you feel mate. My ex of 3 1/2 years left and I was devastated , you sit there wondering why and how they should come back. There is no answer your heart will heal but only you can release your mind. You will never forget her. I have had 2 long relationships now my first was 4 years and I was 20 she broke up with me I couldn't believe it cried for weeks. 6 months later bet the girl of my dreams and then here I am now broken again. I still remember my first and I got over her now I am here but this time I was truly in love so I'm finding it harder.

You must try to forget and keep going with your life work on yourself it is the most difficultest period in your life. Good luck

[paganheart71]

It is hard to let go of someone you loved so much, but if you don't let go it will drag you down. Finding things to do is great. If you have anything of hers throw it away, don't keep it. It will only hurt you more. There other fish in the sea and you will find some one who really appreciate you.

[talaniman]

I think in time, if you keep doing what your doing, the rough times will be easier to deal with, and you will eventually be able to feel good again, as long as you leave her alone, period.