[sweetsmartnsimple]

So... this has become one of those things that I need to seek outside help on, mostly because people that I explain it to don't get it so I'm looking for other intelligent life. Lol Here's the scoop...

So like maybe 2 1/2 years ago there was this guy that I met playing the sims online & we became fast friends, he was easy to talk to and anyone who's played the game knows when you're building your skills there's a lot of time to talk...

Well eventually we started talking outside of the game online, we used Yahoo messenger and would play pictionary & scrabble, it was so much fun and he was so much fun to talk to. So IM'ing then led to actual talks on the phone. We had seen pics of each other so we already knew what we looked like, it was just great. So after a few months of talking (as friends) our feelings started growing increasingly stronger & stronger with each conversation & eventually we fell in love with each other. Now there are a lot of people who think this is damn near impossible but it wasn't, trust me, I was there... lol

SO FINALLY we met one Christmas weekend and it was (to me) so wonderful, I felt the physical chemistry as well the deep deep emotional one that had already been established. I mean I was SURE this guy was THE ONE and he expressed the same feelings. Now I SHOULD mention that this guy is from Turkey, he had been living in Denver for 8 years and if you spoke to him you'd NEVER know english was his 2nd language.

ANYWAY before I went to meet him I got a real low blow, he had to go back to Turkey because 1.He had to serve 2 years mandatory military duty 2. His Visa expired and 3. His father had cancer. These are all very valid reasons for going back but it was still so hard to hear that this guy I was sooo in love with was leaving, and to somewhere I couldn't easily get to or even CALL! PLUS I found out that he knew he might have to go back the whole time, he just never planned on meeting ME. SOOOO decided to try to make it work, we decided we'd be friends WE decided we'd still keep talking...

He was scheduled to leave on Jan 9th when was the last time I talked to him? Jan 1. for 5 minutes & the last thing he said? "I'll talk to you later tonight" Did we? NOPE I FIGURED okay... he'd probably be a little busier spending time with his friends because he was leaving and I'd get some time with him before he left... did I? NOPE On Jan 8 I was concerned, I called his roommate who told me that he was upset about leaving and he wasn't talking to ANYONE, needless to say I was pretty hurt and REALLY concerned. So I waited... I figured he'd chill out after he got there and he'd e-mail me or SOMETHING, ANYTHING. The 1st and LAST e-mail I got on Jan 14th said "Hey i don't know if you've noticed, we're done, i hate to tell you this way, bye." That was it... MAN did I go nuts, I had never ever ever been that heart broken but I was, very deeply.

So... let's skip ahead a year or so.. I spoke to him via e-mail a few times but he was very cold and very distant and clearly did NOT want to hear from ME. YES YES YES I made the classic girl mistake, I still tried talking to him sheesh... trust me I'm kicking myself for it... Anyway one day a friend and I were googling ex's and guess what? I found him, found out he was engaged :confused: and that he was in the military etc... blah

Well about a month ago I wrote him a final e-mail saying that I meant it when I said I loved him, that I still cared for him but that I had to forgive him for hurting me. I didn't expect to get a reply! He said he meant it when he said he loved me too and that he was cool with talking to me, he pointed out the problems with our relationship were we couldn't quit talking to each other AND we couldn't quit making these future plans that we couldn't fulfill. I somewhat agreed and said it was cool with me if we talk. So the other night (out of nowhere) I got an IM from him, I missed it but I was really surprised.

The problem now is I still love him, I still miss him but I also hate him and I don't even know what to say to him... I once had ALL THIS STUFF I'd like to say but now I don't know... I want to act like nothing but I just don't know... I've had a few boyfriends but none of them have been on the same level and I really gave them all a chance...

I don't know what do do, I know him well enough to know he won't say anything about ANY of it... Maybe someone can shed some light, there's some obvious things I'm doing wrong but I really don't know what to do...

Sorry it was so long, lol ANY advice would be appreciated. Thanks

[LBP]

Don't know how else to say this... Did you have sex with him? If you did, you got used. No reason to feel bad about it... This happens to many people. There are simply a large number of human beings out there who don't care about anything other than themselves. I feel for you.

[sweetsmartnsimple]

Thank GOD no! Came close but no no no, maybe that's just it he's a inconsiderate bastard... yeah. Lol :rolleyes:

[diya]

If you didn't have sex... well you were spared a little than most damsels in distress.

These days what we call love... is not love at all. So don't mix those feelings. Each one of us is lonely in some corner and as soon as we see someone fulfilling that gap, we start calling it love. You liked him, he was kind of best buddy you had with whom you could relate, play and do stuff but it's not necessary for the other person to feel the same way about you. I won't say he used you... but he too enjoyed being with you. His feelings had not been intense or at the same wavelength as yours... that's the only difference or else why he got engaged. No need to feel emotional about it... because people come and go in our lives and remember to never have expectations of anyone, just enjoy the moment and see what life unfolds.
I understand your situation and you're feeling pathetic about the whole thing... DON'T. He is probably trying to lead you on now... that's my guess... but don't fall for it too fast... because then your case will be like Easy come.. easy go... Be practical and level headed, then u will never face disappointments. Talk to him minus emotions... atleast don't show him that... then see what happens... if you show your vulnerability to the world, u will get used... this is one thing you should never forget... Just be yourself... don't overreact when he wishes to contact you. U'll be OK...

[sweetsmartnsimple]

The old "Fake it till you make it" Yeah, that's what I figured I'd have to do. I mean thus far he has NO idea how I'm feeling about the whole thing. I've played cool calm and collected but you're right he doesn't hold that place in my life anymore so I probably shouldn't give him so much value but it was just my automatic reaction, I didn't expect him to contact me at all. Thanks though, you're pretty wise :rolleyes:

[ceriphante]

You know this might sound dumb but;
Whenever there's complicated emotions involved sometimes it pays just to sit back and re-evaluate things and to try and think about where you will be a year or two years from now and if this will still have or hold the same meaning to you, have some space from this guy for a while if / where possible and maybe the real solution to what's bugging u about this will present itself?

Seems to work for me anyway..
Regardless hope things improve for you!