[hm2390]

Hey guys,just wanted to reach out and ask people I don't know about this. For as long as my fiancé and I have been together whenever I express something / how I feel he gets angry with me to the point I will go and hide in another room, he tells me to get out of his house (we have lived together for 5.5 years but he bought a place for us as I am currently studying and he has his career going), and so on. I will end up crying and he will ignore me for 3-4 days and then act as if nothing has happened. My issue is that I have always thought something was wrong with me, I even went to a psychologist to ask about how to talk to him and others to see if there is something wrong with the way I communicate.

Today, after he came home, we were talking and I said, word for word, "I would like to express something to you.." but he walked in to another room so I waited until he came back. He instantly started raising his voice saying things like "what?!" so I said maybe we can talk in a little bit, you're clearly getting upset already. He started cursing at me to get on with it so I said that all I had wanted to express is my confusion as to why when he cleans he will selectively avoid some items that are obviously mine i.e. will not incorporate my laundry in say if he happens to be doing whites or will wash all of his things in the sink but will avoid mine and what not. Simple question, asked in a very light and nice tone.

His reaction was instant, he said he just came home (it doesn't matter if two hours have passed this is always his reply) and that he can't believe I would bit** at him. That he wondered why his dinner wasn't on the table, it was late - (I asked about this after and he said it's not my responsibility like my things aren't his). I understand that we have separate things but was genuinely wondering why if when I'm cleaning up I'll clean everything or if he has clothes in the hamper I'll toss them in with mine to get them done. He continued on like this for 45 minutes rambling to himself but rather loudly about me so I could clearly hear it from the floor below my office - a common one that has been repeated is that I am not a "good woman".

This is something that always happens, I cannot approach him about anything related to him, if I reply with "what" when he calls my name he asks what my problem is, why I have such a crappy tone, constantly accuses me of waking up in the morning with a plan to ruin the day and despite me cleaning the ENTIRE house right down to reorganizing cupboards and cleaning baseboards he will say I live in filth, that I do nothing and he does everything. Even when I told him I thought I might be pregnant he asked me not to go get a test yet because it would stress him out and when we found out I was he asked me not to keep it because it wasn't a good time for his career.

What can I do?

Please tell me your thoughts, I know couples argue but I can't ask anyone we know about this. Thanks.

[Alty]

This man is abusive, controlling and an a$$.

Having said that, there's always two sides to a story, and we're only hearing your side, but if even half of what you say is accurate, and you're as innocent and wonderful as you portray yourself to be, then I'd seriously consider leaving this jerk.

Why would you want to be with someone that blows his lid just because you asked a simple question? Imagine how he'll react when you have something serious to discuss with him and he doesn't like the topic.

If it were me I'd leave.

[tickle]

Time to end your toxic relationship. I don't understand why you would want to stick around and take abuse from this jerk.

[joypulv]

My first question - are you going to keep the baby or not?

[smoothy]

I think we aren't getting the whole story here... but with that said. You aren't married... why don't you leave? Despite your comment "he bought the house for us" if he bought it, he's paying the mortgage, and your name isn't on the loan or deed... its HIS house. I don't see a lot of happiness going on....and it sounds a lot like a relationship of convenience.

[Oliver2011]

These behaviors will not improve because of marriage or time. You and everyone deserves better than this.

[talaniman]

The more important question is why, if he has always been this way, have you stuck around for 5.5 years? What have the other people, including clinicians, told you about your situation? Without more information I can only suggest you HONESTLY evaluate your part in this, and develop options that help you make a decision to change it, adjust to this life (You are pregnant), or leave. So which is best for YOU, because for sure without drastic action HE WILL NOT CHANGE, nor can you change him.

At the point you become pregnant, his feelings and yours to a great extent, became irrelevant, as pregnancy is a HUGE life changing event! What you can do is look around for a SAFE place with the love and support you need, to allow you to make a good decision for yourself and future child, based on the FACTS and not just the feelings, about what YOU should do.

It was already a huge RED FLAG that you have gone along with his program for so long yet have no good communications so as to deal and resolve your issues in a way that benefits you both. A child would have difficulty thriving in such a climate as you have described and your future education would be affected as well being a stay at home mom, so a lot to think about isn't it?

Personally if someone told me to get out of HIS house repeatedly... I would be gone. Think about that safe place to go very seriously.