[hurt99]

Hello.. I desperately need advice. My boyfriend of six years completely shut me out after a fight. It's been over two months now. We met during college days and things hitted off pretty well. We were so in love. He was a good guy, funny and my best friend. I shared everything with him, little of the littlest details. We were each others world. But we knew for us to be together would be hard as we were from different countries nevertheless we were together all these years. We did fight, but he would always come round after few minutes and console me. Over the years I know those few minuteas turned to hours and sometimes days but I knew he loved me. We used to talk about how it would impossible to live without each other. I was so dependent on him, and so attached. I have never loved anyone so much. He was a very positive guy, always telling me to be happy and to have a positive outlook on life. We both had our own draw backs but we filled each other lacking.
Soon the day we dreaded arrived, for us to be home for good. I cried for days thinking about our separation but I somehow consoled myself saying we will be in touch everyday through viber. He was much emotionally stronger than me, but he was sad too. Then two weeks after we reached home we had a fight on chat. I told him to never contact me and blocked him on fb. I was mad and didn't mean it, I unblocked him soon after only to be blocked by him, everywhere, viber, wechat. I was devastated. It was so unlike of him to do that. I thought he would tey to contact me but no, he didn't. He had gotten a job so I thought he had been busy. I tried contacting him so many times. I messaged him via my friends account saying if I had hurt him then m sorry and to tell me if he is done with me. I always thought he would be in my life, but for him to disappear like that has wrecked me. I told him how much hurt I was and to tell me if it is over for him and not to stay silent like that and just tell me. I said I won't bother him again and
Understand if he changed or didn't want anything from me but still he chose silence and didn't reply at all. I wanted answers but he didn't give me any.I wish he could tell me, m nt asking much
All this made me question him as a person and if he was the man I thought he was ever was. I am trying to be strong and telling myself that he might not ever give me the answers but it's so damn hard.. all those years of memories. It's haunting me. I never imagined he would ever do this to me. He knew how much I loved him. I was good, loyal and he was always my first priority. Then why, why would he hurt me so much leave me. I know we had a fight but will a person who love you do that to you just because of that? All these questions, all those years has left me broken. I still do because the pain is too much can't believe he Shut me out like that. It's going to be three months now, no contact what so ever, I didn't get the closure I need too. I am 26 years old, please help

[Fr_Chuck]

You had more and more fights.

The time of anger lasted longer and longer each time.

You were very dependent upon him. ( no life of your own?)

There appeared to be no plan to be together, after you moved to own country?
Why did one of you, not move with the other?

But, why are you mad at him?
You are the one, who got mad, you are the one, who told him. Not want to talk to him again. And you blocked him.

He just did what you wanted. Perhaps he decided, that this soon after moving, he did not need all the long distance drama.

I can see no reason, you should be mad at him about this, he only did, exactly what you asked.

[DoulaLC]

So sorry to hear of your pain over this, but it sounds as though he has moved on. He may have come to realize that the relationship has run it's course, and he doesn't want to try and sustain it between two countries. Unfortunately he has not been mature enough to respond to one of your attempts at contacting him to let you know, and the whole thing could have been done with.

Take his silence as his words of letting you know that he has moved on. Now it is time for you to do the same. It will get easier as you get involved in your life.

Just a word of warning... IF he comes back into the picture, you will only experience more of the same. Cooling off a bit after an argument is one thing... an extended silent treatment is manipulation.

[joypulv]

Long distance relationships (LDRs) rarely last. Extremely rarely.

You are both young, it sounds like, and that means you are changing, no matter how much you like someone. Chances are high too that he is interested in someone else. Men are much more likely to look sooner than women are. There are exceptions of course, and it wouldn't be wise to start getting all jealous and investigating. He's gone and you have to accept it, as we all do, and many of us have countless times as we age.

[Cat1864]

Then two weeks after we reached home we had a fight on chat. I told him to never contact me and blocked him on fb.

This is going to sound harsh, but it isn't meant to be. Unfortunately when strong emotions are involved nearly everything seems harsh.

He should not contact you or reply to your attempts to contact him. He appears to be using No Contact as a means of healing from the break-up. No Contact is a way to end or keep from starting the cycle of breaking up and making up. It is a cycle that does more damage the more it repeats.

You need to understand that you broke up with him. Let that be your closure.

A lesson for the future is to refrain from saying what you don't mean especially when upset. I have a feeling if you look back you will see that this has happened far too many times. Maybe not to this point, but it has been building up to a complete break up.

Another lesson, breaking up does not mean that he isn't the man you thought he was. He appears to have cared as much as you did. But Life happened and you ended up in separate places with separate lives. It does not mean the past was a lie or he lied. It means you got caught up in a dream of how you wanted the future to be and now you and the dream need to change and adapt.

It is time for you to concentrate on living your own life. It is time for you to start using No Contact. Stop trying to contact him. Get involved in things you enjoy doing. Go out with friends. Make new friends and new memories. Give yourself permission to let him and the relationship go. I am not saying it will be easy, but it will be better than trying to hold on to someone that is already gone.

Take of yourself and start allowing your heart to heal.

[Jake2008]

Consider the arguments, and what you said about him always consoling you. I didn't hear that arguments were resolved through communicating, but, there was more and more silence. While the relationship sounded good, to you, and your needs were met obviously, it seems that his were not.

I would guess that he had been unhappy for a long time. He would have been at least thinking about how the distance would affect the relationship once you both moved back to your own countries. So add the fact that the drastic change was about to happen to the relationship; maybe he knew it was going to come to an end.

You may not have been aware of how he was thinking, because he didn't want to end the relationship by hurting you face to face. But, by not ending the relationship honestly, he's ended up hurting you far more. He could have been more mature about the whole thing, but not everyone has the maturity to do so. Skipping out, is easier.

So you are left with the end of the relationship. Consider it over. After two months and zero contact, and no new information as to why from your enquiries to mutual friends, there is no hope to resolve this, and you may never know why.

And I agree with you that you didn't really know him as well as you thought you did, and you blindly went along with the 'logic' that told you that the relationship would continue. It doesn't sound like any serious conversations took place to address the difficulties that were ahead, or even a mutual breakup.

Accept that the relationship is over. Accept that you will never understand why, and you can only guess, and guessing isn't going to give you any answers either. You cannot change, what it is, now. Which is over.

[talaniman]

We all make the mistake of needing closure from another person after a breakup, and most times they are unwilling to give it to us. In that case we have to provide our own closure by accepting that it's over, let go, and letting ourselves heal through family, friends, and activities that we enjoy, and can look forward to. I know you want to know what happened with his feelings for you, and that may not happen from him, but in letting go, and healing, at least you will understand that his feeling changed and he doesn't want to fix it or give you any closure, so you have to close this chapter of your life YOURSELF.

Accepting he has left your life is your closure, and leaving him alone, will start the long hard process of healing from your dependence on him, and you will be ready to regroup and build a life without him in it. His priorities changed from making YOU happy, to making HIMSELF happy, and you have to do the same priority change, and its time you learned how to make YOURSELF happy.

Good luck.

[hurt99]

Thanks for responding everyone and for your advice and kind words. I accept he has moved on now otherwise he wudnt have stayed without contacting for so long. But I just wish he could have at least had the courtesy to tell me that he's ending it, for the sake of our 6yrs relationship and all that we shared. But that will just remain a wish on my end. Before the fight things were fine, we were talking about finding ways to be together. Maybe he thought there weren't any, or realised it's best to let go.
I will try to move on now and take his silence as a way of telling me that it's over now. I have to give myself that peace cause I am not getting any from him.I can't stay hurt like that cause it's devastating. I hope someday all this pain will be over and I will be in a better place cause I catch myself thinking of him and all that used to be over and over again. So easy of him to do what he did. Men can be so cruel.

[smoothy]

I think everyone said it quite well... I'll leave it at that with this very well known quote.


Be careful what you wish for, You just might get it!


Seems you got exactly what you wanted and now aren't happy about it. Learn from these mistakes and move forward in your life. Its clear he has decided to do just that.

[talaniman]

Thank for responding and for your advice. I accept he has moved on now otherwise he wudnt have stayed without contacting for so long. But I just wish he could have at least had the courtesy to tell me that he's ending it, for the sake of our 6yrs relationship and all that we shared. But that will just remain a wish on my end. Before the fight thing were fine, we were talking about finding ways to be together. Maybe he thought there weren't any, or realised it's best to let go.
I will try to move on now and take his silence as a way of telling me that it's over now. I have to give myself that peace cause I am not getting any from him.I can't stay hurt like that cause it's devastating. I hope someday all this pain will be over and I will in a better place cause I catch myself thinking of him and all that used to be over and over again. So easy of him to do what he did. Men can be so cruel.

Glad you are taking a sensible approach to this as I know its hard right now, but you will see your own part in this and make changes to yourself and be a better person for it. IF you learned from this experience and have let go of the bitterness. I think you will in time.

[hurt99]

I Be careful what you wish for, You just might get it!


Seems you got exactly what you wanted and now aren't happy about it. Learn from these mistakes and move forward in your life. Its clear he has decided to do just that.

Thank you @DoulaLC, @Joypulv, @cat1864, @Jake2008 and @Talisman.
I am happy with everyone's answers and advice for me. I know I had my faults, everybody does and in love people accept you with that and loves you despite that. I never wished for him to go so far away from me. We had a fight in which both of us were involved, I know I said I never wanted to hear from him but that was at the moment of anger, even he said hurtful things. But after I cooled off I knew I was wrong to have said that and attempted to contact him but in vain. When you are angry sometimes you tend to say things you don't mean, and I know he knew that.

It hurts when the person you love behaves like that. We used to talk so much about how our future will be, we didn't find a way but knew we would somehow find a way. Or if not we will somehow always be a part of eachothers life as a friend, even when we were old. Days before our fight he said we have to find a way somehow in future to be together, he gave me hope. Tsk! We were people who couldn't stay away from each other. He and I both preferred being together alone at home doing nothing than going out with people. So see, we were most comfortable with each other and so close.
But now maybe since we're not together anymore and in different places and situation he has different feelings and priorities. I am learning to accept now though its so hard. I think of him first thing in the morning and he's the last one before I go to bed, mostly crying. I get bitter and angry and resent him most times but othertimes I am thankful for all the good memories,which is getting too hard to think about without hurting since I still love him and miss him. Oneday definitely I will be able to leave this all behind and move on and forgive him. But until then I will invest all my time and energy on improving myself and learn and grow from this experience. Thank you all once again, your words gave me the comfort that I needed.

[smoothy]

Oh it does hurt... nobody ever hinted at anything else. It always does... even in a hostile breakup when you are the one that initiates it. It hurts worse when the other person makes the decision first. Always has, always will. At least to those of us that have feelings... which is most of us.

Fact is while THIS TIME you were able to forgive and forget... apaprently to him it was one time too many. Happens in every relationship. Everyone has their breaking point, their line in the sand... and rarely do any two people happen to have the same one. Sometimes you have one that's a little closer, sometimes it's the other person. But everyone has one.

[hurt99]

Ya.. bt I never saw it coming. Or mayb I just didn't notice the signs. But I am here now and will have to get over it. Have learned a lot, now I know better and will take this experience for bettering myslef.