[Mayra93]

Hi, I'm a female and I'm 21 years old now. I have a dear friend, let's say her name is A. A is a sweet kind of girl and we've been friends since we're 9 or so. When we're in high school, she dated this boy named B, a friend in the same class of her.

I thought they are a good match until 3 months ago A called me while crying because she got dumped. I know B is a good person, so I asked him personally why he dumped my friend. B said that he feels that she had never loved him from the start and weirdly, she constantly talks about me even on their dates. B also said that she's somewhat a freak and I should be wary of her.

The next day I visited her apartment with the spare key, only finding her gripping a knife near her chest. I freaked out and tried to comfort her but to my surprise she confessed her feelings to me. I couldn't speak a word that time finding that my friend is actually a les**an. She ra*ed me, but after that she apologized. I couldn't say anything but nodded that time, and it was maybe my biggest mistake.

After that ra*ing incident, she constantly confesses to me. A is now quite forceful,though I never said yes to her confessions. She used her broken heart as a shield and reason to kiss or violate me. She actually even used ropes and binding just to have what she wanted. I wanted her to stop, but I don't know how. I see her like a thin glass and I'm afraid I will hurt her, knowing she neither have parents alive, nor any relatives nearby. What should I do and say?

[Jake2008]

Are you saying that you engaged in sexual activity with her?

[odinn7]

Are you saying she raped you?

Are you saying you willingly go back for more because you are afraid of hurting her?

[Oliver2011]

Yeah I am confused. The actual act of rape is violence and violation, which a person would not return for, unless it's a really bad B movie.

[smoothy]

I'm sorry but the moment rape enters the picture... they are no longer a friend... they are a criminal. And the hell with if they get hurt or not.

[Jake2008]

This is consensual sex by what has been written so far.

In which case the so called 'friend', is no victim. The victim here is the young gay woman who is struggling to come to terms with her sexual orientation.

Rather she is exploiting her friend under false pretense, using sex to 'keep her calm', and if this isn't the worst abuse of a person, I don't know what is.

But, I could be all wrong here. We need more information

[Oliver2011]

"Rather she is exploiting her friend under false pretense, using sex to 'keep her calm', and if this isn't the worst abuse of a person, I don't know what is."

Agreed. I just don't think the word "rape" should be written so easily when the actual word and act has hurt so many people.

[Mayra93]

I thank you greatly to everyone, for answering my question. I'm sorry I don't give much details that maybe confuse to you.

So, in these 3 months, she often asked me to comfort her and sweep away her loneliness. We just talked to each other at first, but recently she'll start to kiss me after the long talk even if I said no. I've tried to talk about it as calmly as I can, but when I did that, she would be in this "rage mode" and started to r**e me again. Whenever I raised my voice or pushed her back, she would bursts into tears and I ended up apologizing. I have always told her that I'm not into girls every single time she confessed to me, but she just never stop treating me like I'm her girlfriend and forcing me to engage in sexual activities. I just wanted it to end without us stopping being friends or stop seeing each other, but I just couldn't find the right words to do it. If you don't mind helping, please guide me how I can solve this relationship problem.

[talaniman]

You have to drop your sick friend and stop participating in this sick relationship. She is NO FRIEND, and you really need to get beyond this DELUSION that she is, and protect yourself.

[odinn7]

Your only solution, if this is really as you say, is to stop going to her. Be done with her. Don't worry about hurting her if this is hurting you. This whole thing is twisted and you allow it by going back for more. Tell her it's over, be done with it, and ignore her.

[smoothy]

I'm curious why you have to write r*p* me instead of just type RAPE me? Its not a censored word. And it makes all the differnce between consenting to it, and not consenting to it.

[Jake2008]

I am glad you have posted further detail, within the post, to gain comments from others. I was just going to respond to your private message to me, asking you to do that very thing.

I'm not going to let you off the hook so easily.

The very first thing you should have done when you walked into her apartment, seeing her with a knife to her chest, was to call 9-1-1. Getting her to a hospital in the emotional state you say she was in, would have done her far more good, than you continuously leading her on by having sex with her, and then keep going back for more, under the auspices of being a worried, caring friend. You are no such thing.

This girl is in a very, very bad place, and dangerously so, because you are leading her to believe you are, in fact, her girlfriend. It has gone on long enough that you are harming her. I feel desperately sorry for this friend of yours, in the position she is in, being betrayed over and over again by you.

A TRUE friend, who is not interested in lesbian relationships, or lesbian sex, would not be engaging in lesbian sex, and a lesbian relationship. YOU are using HER, it is not the other way around.

She is the one that needs protection- not you.

For God's sake, leave her alone. Have the decency to get some sort of emergency help for her. You must have some resources wherever in the world you happen to be, to find someone, somewhere who will help her.

And you might consider doing the same for yourself. You surely look like you are interested in girls, and the way you've used this one friend of yours over and over again certainly signals either you are gay, or you are seriously mentally flawed that you feel your behavior is in any way, shape, or form, helpful to your friend, or normal or natural for straight person with no tendencies toward a sexual orientation that is gay.

Leave her alone. Get help for her if there is an ounce of decency about you, and consider the ramifications of what you continue to do, to her, and to yourself.

[Mayra93]

Thank you for responding to my question.

After reading this message, I come to agree and realize that the fault is mine. I should've called the police from the start rather than handling her myself. It's my fault that she's like this, and now I feel really guilty and disgusted about myself because still, I'm afraid of losing her as a friend.

But after giving your respond a second thought, since this is all my fault, I decided I want to fix this, if it's still possible for me. You advised me to get help for her, but I really don't know how exactly to do that. I made a big mistake, and I really don't want to make another.

Please, if anyone have an advice, tell me.

I'm very sorry if my writing is not right or confusing, but actually I'm just avoiding this question to be deleted due to words that may be disturbing. I need help and this is quite urgent. I really don't mean any of you to be confused and I'm sorry for that. If the word rape is OK to write here, I'll use it next time I needed to use it. I thank you for your advice and for responding.

[Jake2008]

Start with even your family doctor. Ask for help in referring your friend, to the appropriate place for help. It could be a specific place, such as support for personal issues such as she has/is going through, in coming to terms with her sexual orientation.

Call a women's shelter, or phone a university and ask for help in locating counseling through their support services. A college I attended had a whole section of very caring individuals to help, specifically for those needing to learn how to accept their sexual orientation.

Many hospitals are good sources for information and referral. If your friend had ended up in emergency when you found her with a knife, she would have been sent for counseling, or given information on where to go, or admitted for observation and a plan of care.

Speak to your friends, and ask if they know of any people who have struggled, like your friend has, and what help was there for them.

Call a suicide help line, and explain how unsteady your friend is, as she has just come out as being gay, and is suicidal. Ask for help in what they can do to refer her to the appropriate place in dealing with this issue.

It is very important that while you are seeking help for her, that you don't just dump her. You have allowed yourself to think that you are 'helping', and you know that you are only making things worse. Stop the sex, and keep in touch with her by phone, but end the sex, and the expectation of sex. Keep things as a friendship only.

When you have gathered enough information on available help, write it out; names, places, etc. and in a neutral place- a park, coffee shop, library- give her the list, and tell her that you are unable to help her yourself, you are in way over your head, and need some distance while she sorts out her life.

Realize that by just dropping her, she will be right back to where she started, the day with the knife, only added to that will be the angst of losing the relationship she had with you, which is also a significant loss.

Any counseling services that are available to you where you live, can assess her stability, refer her to a doctor, or a counselor who can help. Many initial consults are free, or based on a scale. All professionals in any form of counseling offer pro bono services when necessary.

She won't be turned away from help, in other words. After you have set the ground rules by ending the sex, and changing the relationship from an enabling one, to a truly helping one, and done your best to see to it that she has the information she needs to get help, then, and only then, can you say you've done all you could.

And like any other relationship, when it changes, or ends, there is little you can do except to help where you can, and know when to let go.

[talaniman]

I don't think you can help her, so leave her alone, and help yourself. You cannot keep making the same mistakes over and over and expect things to get better. Remove yourself from the situation all together. Don't go back over there alone under any circumstance.