[johnaus1993]

My girlfriend and I were together for 2 years until she recently ended the relationship.

for the month before we broke up ( may 2014 ) we would hang out and talk everyday as usual but I was very stressed out with work, uni and personal issues. Her birthday was at the end of May and we had dinner at her house and I got her a birthday gift I knew she would like. I didn't give her a card though which she wasn't happy about but was planning on giving her a letter a few days later as a surprise. The night ended normal and due to work the next day I said I would take her out over the weekend. Evidently I had to go to a christening on the Saturday so was not able to see her which I know I let her down. We messaged on Sunday but the messages were very short and its like we both weren't interested in talking. Randomly on the Monday we stopped talking and both being stubborn we didn't speak for two weeks. I then messaged her saying I missed her and she replied saying its best if we aren't together.

I aske her to breakup with me face to face that night and I gave her the letter I wrote her but she didn't want it but as I left her car I left it in there so I don't know if she read it. She was yelling at me and didn't really seem to care at all. Two weeks later I asked her if we could hang out one last time and I took her to a place she always wanted to go and its like we were strangers but there was moments that seemed special. When I dropped her home we spoke in the car for a few hours and I told her I really loved her and don't want any others girls but her. She said that was unfair on me and that I should get with other girls and I told her I didn't want that at all.

she messaged me the next day saying she had heaps of fun and hoped our paths crossed again. Two weeks later I bombarded her with messages and calls trying to get her back and we agreed to meet so I could give her back a expensive gift she got me because I liked the idea behind the gift more. She said she would meet me and then said her uncle was in hospital and I was being selfish so I told her I hope everything is okay and that if there's anything I could do to let me know and to not worry about meeting up until she is free. She then changed her number the next day.

its been 1 month since we last saw each other and 3 weeks since she changed her number and I've been seeing photos of her out with guys on Facebook. One of the guys is the guy I suspected she was talking to a month before we broke up. I know I can't contact her anymore ( she changed her number ) but also vis email because ill just look even stupider. Reason she said she broke up with me is because feelings change but 2 weeks before that she was sending me links to holidays and telling me she loved me.

Im just really confused and I know I've made it worse by texting and calling her heaps but I can't now which is a good thing because I couldn't control myself.

I really love this girl and she knows that and this has been the worst time of my life and would do anything to get her back.

just want to know what people think is happening and if she does care or get sad at all about this because it doesn't seem like she does and if not speaking is the best thing to do to give her space in hope she may realise I wasn't a terrible guy?

[smoothy]

She dumped you once... she'll do it again. SO any of the rest really doesn't matter as much. Walk away... keep what dignity you have left. You WILL get over here and the next one will probibly be far better. When you have the benefit of hindsight on this you will see it was the right thing to do. But until then, yes its going to hurt... unles you are absolutely furious, you will be hurting , there really isn't a lot of chance for it to fall in between. If it ever does... count your blessings as I've found its rare.

[johnaus1993]

Deep down I know that but it is hard because I still have feelings for the girl and they won't just go away! So what your saying is that you don't feel she will want be back?

[smoothy]

Just so you know... its always hard, and your feelings rarely just switch off immediately. What I am saying is if you stick around, and actually manage to get her back... you will be in for a lot more of this... and wish you walked away earlier when you had the chance.

[johnaus1993]

That's right smoothy, I know she knows ill always be there for her and want her because I liked her for a long time before we started dating. I suppose it's a ego hit as well knowing that I did nothing wrong but she's fine to just walk away from me. It always just plays on my mind that will she contact me within the next month or two and I always wonder if she is actually sad about it ending or has moved on completely. I was speaking to a friend and they said since she dumped you she has all this freedom now she will be enjoying it and I will feel bad being the dumpee. But said that in time she may realise what she did and want you back as she deals with the situation then once she knows I've moved on with my life. Sort of like a seesaw where at first she up the top and fine and I'm down the bottom but then it swaps if that makes sense.

[talaniman]

Break ups suck and when you get dumped it takes time for the feelings to go away and hurts to heal. What's important is to give yourself the time for that to happen. A few days, or weeks, are seldom enough, but you can begin the healing process by building a life that you enjoy without her with family, friends, and activities that you love, and look forward too.

Leaving her, and her friends, and social media stuff alone, is but a good first step, but expect it to be a slow process as you regain control over yourself, and make adjustments to the being without someone you loved and got attached to.

Your confidence will return, just keep putting this behind you.

[johnaus1993]

I know in time it'll get better but is it wrong to hope she will contact me? Any opinions on whether she will or won't and even if she does deep down I know we could never be together again I just don't get why she did all of this

[smoothy]

You aren't going to get better as long as you keep hoping for something that's unlikely to happen. You also have to come to terms with you will probibly never know why, and you really don't HAVE to know why. And her reason why might not even make any sense to you if you did find out.

What difference does it make anyway... in this case... that really is true. All you are doing hoping or trying to justify it is prolonging your misery.

THere might not even be a particular reason, and sometimes there really isn't. Other than whatever spark was there... went out.

[talaniman]

Everybody who gets dumped says the same thing you do, and has the same feelings as you have now. You are not alone my friend at all. It's something we all go through some more than others. Just read the stickies and some of the other questions here and you will see for yourself that sadly feelings change and we get hurt for a while, but we do recover and do better.

Maybe her feelings change again for you, who can say, but it's a mistake to put your life on hold waiting for that to happen, or sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Mourn the loss of what you had, and lost, and get ready for the next thing life throws at you.

[johnaus1993]

That's very true I shouldn't want around for her it always just plays on my mind whether she is just friends with this guy or they are together. I know I can't contact her again but even if she eventually contacts me she will only do this again

[johnaus1993]

Does anyone think that this is possible though? Seeing that she's hanging out with her friends now and its only been 1 month that she might start to really think about it seeing as it hasn't been that long as its been a distraction that she's going out more? I do want her back a lot and seeing as I've tried my hardest already maybe she needs this space. Is no contact at all a best approach and is this guy just a rebound that distracts her as she's hanging out within a bigger group now. Just trying to work out best way to show her that maybe she does still want me back because I do believe she still loves me deep down she's just enjoying this time apart, what are peoples thoughts?

[talaniman]

Forget it and get your own self under control no matter what. Once you get dumped it no longer matters what they do. Just what you do for yourself. Now you sound desperate.

[johnaus1993]

That's true its just hard

[talaniman]

You think you get what you want it because you want it? Naw, if it's worth having, it's worth working for.

[johnaus1993]

I've worked enough for it to the point I've probably embarrassed myself which sucks so I suppose what's meant to be is meant to be :(

Just miss her being my best friend

[talaniman]

What I meant was working to get your own feelings under control, so you can move forward beyond this break up. Yes its always easier said than done.