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jimmy_c · Mar 28, 2013, 11:59 AM

My ex and I broke up 2 months ago and starting talking again 2 weeks ago. Last week we went on 2 dates that went really well and we kissed. But there wasn't that much of a spark. We talked yesterday for hours about it and she wants to be just friends. She says that she thought she was ready to date again but she isn't, and she still cares for me. But she doesn't want to keep dating since there isn't a spark. I was wondering on how to create that spark again how to reignite that flame, if it was there once it can be there again.. Because we had such a great time and its not like our break up was that extreme. Also her sexual attraction isn't there like it used to be she's scared of sex now because she almost got pregnant in the middle of our relationship. So I need some help I want to get her back but I know I can't force it, does anyone have any ideas on how to create that spark again?

smearcase · Mar 28, 2013, 12:30 PM

If you are trying to re-create the same atmosphere that existed during the original courtship, it a'int going to happen. The issues that caused you to break up were not known during the startup of the relationship but they are there now, and that is just one of the many differences. If you would like to tell us more about what caused the breakup, maybe someone can give some suggestions.

Oliver2011 · Mar 28, 2013, 12:43 PM

How do you almost get pregnant?

You need to examine your roll in the breakup and what caused her to lose the spark. But you also need to be prepared that the spark may never come back. I am a firm believer of not going backwards in life. So don't leave your life in limbo while you consider this. Hang out with friends and do things you like to do. You need to be ready to move forward should you have to.

jimmy_c · Mar 28, 2013, 12:52 PM

Well we always spent a lot of time together so we decided that eventually that was doing more harm then good. My mother was never a fan of her which was an issue,to be blunt my mom almost hated her. Out of no where she broke up with me, and when we starting talking to me she finally told me the reason she broke up with me. All she did was hand me her phone and I listened to the voicemail, my mom had told her that I cheated on her and that my mom actually walked in on it. I was so furious with my mom I couldn't believe she would go that far as to make up such a story. But I can't blame my ex for breaking up with me. So now I'm in a situation where she has mixed feelings for me, wants me in her life, but currently not as dating... just friends. Does this help?

Also a condom broke and it was right in the time that a woman has the best chance of getting pregnant. We followed all necessary steps afterwards. This event strengthened our relationship but destroyed our sex life. She hasn't really even been in the mood to have sex since.

Oliver2011 · Mar 28, 2013, 01:05 PM

Originally Posted by jimmy_c

Also a condom broke and it was right in the time that a woman has the best chance of getting pregnant. We followed all necessary steps afterwards. This event strengthened our relationship but destroyed our sex life. She hasn't really even been in the mood to have sex since.

The mental issues can really impact a sexual relationship.

Originally Posted by jimmy_c

Well we always spent alot of time together so we decided that eventually that was doing more harm then good. My mother was never a fan of her which was an issue,to be blunt my mom almost hated her. Out of no where she broke up with me, and when we starting talking to me she finally told me the reason she broke up with me. All she did was hand me her phone and I listened to the voicemail, my mom had told her that I cheated on her and that my mom actually walked in on it. I was so furious with my mom I couldn't believe she would go that far as to make up such a story. But I can't blame my ex for breaking up with me. So now I'm in a situation where she has mixed feelings for me, wants me in her life, but currently not as dating.... just freinds. Does this help?

One issue is that you can't control the way she feels in this. So you might have to accept that you won't be back together. And hanging on to the smallest hope will not make you feel any better either. Control what you can control and that is your happiness. Don't let others, including her and your mom, control the way you feel. We have all been through breakups and been just fine. You will be as well.

jimmy_c · Mar 28, 2013, 01:07 PM

So do you guys have any advice on what to do with my situation. Do I spend more time with her do I stay as far away as possible? Like what should I do I'm so confused, I want to try and make it work again but as something fresh and new.

jimmy_c · Mar 28, 2013, 04:22 PM

Thanks oliver it helps to hear it from someone, I think it's best if I just don't think about her and try and find someone new, and hey you never know what can happen.

talaniman · Mar 28, 2013, 06:24 PM

I am glad you have decided to move forward, and NOT back. Most who do, are glad they did.

smearcase · Mar 29, 2013, 06:19 AM

If she sensed that your mother's treatment of her would be standard procedure for the future, why would she not leave? What was your reaction when I assume your mother treated your friend discourteously (or however the "almost hatred" was displayed)? Did you ignore it and change the subject or challenge it? I am not judging how you handled all that because I really don't know what is the best way to handle it myself. Depends on a lot of variables unknown to me. But who would want to get plugged into a future like that? Fresh and new won't work as long as mom is involved and what leads you to believe she would like the next girl you meet?
If possible, get some distance between yourself and mom, or was she right in her perceptions of your friend?
What is your age and do you live with your mother?