[deanmartin12345]

My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, on March 8 via email. I was out of the country and got an email that basically said 'I need to break up with you because I'm not feeling what I need to in this relationship". We have been together since hte beginning of September, an official couple since November. She had asked me to go exclusive. We had never had so much as a minor fight before this. She had kept telling me how much she liked me, so I told her a week before Valentine's Day that I loved her and she said it back to me really happily & excitedly (no hesitation). The week before I got this email, she had called me and at hte end told me "I love you, I miss you & I'll see you when you come back". So understandably, this came out of the blue. I honestly thought she liked me more than I liked her.

We've met twice since she sent that email and at the end of every time we kiss and she says that she'll think about continuing it.

I talked to her on the phone from out of town the next day for like 45 minutes. By the end of it she felt a bit better and we were going to meet. We met for like 4 hours when I came back. Her main reasons were that we didn't spend enough time together - even though we had never talked about this before. She also said she felt like our love didn't transcend & fix her problems like she had wanted them to. She also said she regretted telling me she loved me but that she trusted me and cared about me. She said she felt like we were in two separate worlds, not our own world together and that it has to do with the way we relate. It took a lot of convincing but by the end of it she said 'ok, I'll think about this [not ending it] and we can meet again later this week.' We kissed a little bit and she left.

We met again later that week for a few hours. She said that she hadn't really changed her mind. Like she really cares about me and said that this would be really easy if she could just tell me she hates me and never wants to see me again, but she can't. She siad that technically it may be good for her right now to be in a relationship but that she's not really sure what is happening with her life in August when her lease is up and she's trying to get a new job (she's been pretty unhappy at her current one). She also kept saying that she wanted to spend more time with me - normal time, not just having fun on weekends but just being there with each other even if we were working on our own projects. I said that if she wants to spend more time with me, I'd be glad to. But she kept saying that she didn't think I could do it - even though we've never tried before. We talked normally for a while and touched and all that and at the end again we kissed a few times and she said that she'd think about staying together. She was going for a bike ride that she had planned a while ago and said she'd call me after to meet up later that night. She never called and just texted that she was tired and going to bed. I haven't heard from her since.

What is going on? Does she want to end it and just can't get herself to do it? Does she really want to spend more time together? Should I just end it officially on my own and get my stuff back from her?

[LittleBlackKat]

She is indecisive and immature in my opinion. How long have you two been together? In your question it says 2 times, and in my opinion neither of you should be confiding in each other about such intense feelings like "love" and "hatred" right now. It is much too soon for that-and again it makes me wonder how old you two are and how long you have been together.

Bottom line, if she is not sure as to whether she should be in a relationship right now, end it before you both get knee-deep in this and build on more stress and problems for yourselves. You already sound like you're confused enough as it is, and I'd just end it until she is 100% sure she is ready for a relationship. Trust me, I beat around the bush enough and let my own ex play the whole "I need more time" game and by the time he decided he wanted someone else, it was already too late and I went through a lot of pain and stress. Do yourself a favour and don't go through that. Make a choice and make it fast.

All the best to you both.

[deanmartin12345]

Hey. We've been together for 6 months. I forgot to include the first paragraph in my post. Here it is again:

My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, on March 8 via email. I was out of the country and got an email that basically said 'I need to break up with you because I'm not feeling what I need to in this relationship". We have been together since the beginning of September, an official couple since November. She had asked me to go exclusive. We had never had so much as a minor fight before this. She had kept telling me how much she liked me, so I told her a week before Valentine's Day that I loved her and she said it back to me really happily & excitedly (no hesitation). The week before I got this email, she had called me and at hte end told me "I love you, I miss you & I'll see you when you come back". So understandably, this came out of the blue. I honestly thought she liked me more than I liked her.

[deanmartin12345]

We are both 24.

[LittleBlackKat]

If you were out of the country then there could be many reasons she broke up with you. Maybe she was seeing someone else, maybe she couldn't handle a long distance relationship, maybe she was stressed. Who knows?

If you can honestly sit back, after a bit of thinking, and honestly say: This IS out of the blue, I did nothing on my own side to warrant a break-up, then chances are you did nothing wrong, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. If she needs time, then that's her choice. Perhaps you two moved too fast, perhaps you needed to communicate more.

I too have been where you are and have found myself slammed into a brick wall in terms of sudden break ups. Life throws situations like this at us and I find the only way to really handle it effectively is to make a decision quickly. I'd cut off contact with her right now, if I were you, and give her time and space. She is the one who called it off, so let her make her own choice. There is nothing else you can really do at this point. If she wants to approach you, that's on her. But if I were you, I'd cut off contact and busy myself with other things for now.
Sometimes it is better not to say anything for a while.
Hope this helps.

[deanmartin12345]

That makes sense. I guess I feel that maybe I shouldn't have told her I loved her so soon (month 5). But she had been hinting at it a lot and had kept saying stuff like "I really really like you" while staring at me. So I said it and she said it back without hesitation.

I was only out of the country for 10 days so it wasn't really a long distance thing - I was just on vacation with my family.

Thank you.

[LittleBlackKat]

No problem. In the future, try keeping your guard up a little longer before declaring such intense emotional feelings. Trust me when I say this, if I could go back in time, I would honestly never have let myself tell my ex I loved him too soon either. I understand being carried away with emotion, but never forget logic either. I think both are involved in relationships.

"Like" is an emotion in and of itself, but don't let someone pressure you into saying something. You should say it when you want to and it should come effortlessly, in my honest opinion.

Best of luck.

[fredg]

I agree with giving her some space and time. Meantime, I would be making some new friends, and Smile, others will want to talk with you more if you are Smiling! Life gives us some hard choices sometimes, and we just have to make the best of it.