[Steelwalkerwife]

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year, but we have been friends for many years. He was previously single for the past two decades with the exception of dating that never evolved into anything serious, nothing more than a month or so.

He likes to say that he was waiting for me to come around (I was previously married, now divorced), and had feelings for me & therefore never truly wanted to pursue other relationships.

He is a ton of fun, and has MANY friends. There are a few select friends he's very close with, and has known since childhood. There is one in particular who has similar interests/hobbies as he does, and they still hang out, but not quite as often due to our relationship... but I lead a busy life, so they still hang out 1 - 2 x per week. I along with my boyfriends other friends seem to think his best friend is gay, and my boyfriend continues to say that he doesn't even want to think that. Beyond my own personal gut feeling, his boyfriend often invites him over to drink & is very pushy about giving him more & more to drink, I think it is because on a few instances this has resulted in him sleeping over due to not being able to drive home.

My boyfriend told me that one instance he woke up with nothing but his shorts on and his boxers had been removed,along with all of is other clothing & he couldn't remember the night before & for two days he was "sore". Prior to our relationship he had slept over at my house for the same reason through out the years, and this is a man who would sleep with his shoes on. His friend often "pops over" while I'm at my boyfriends, and I only get to see him maybe 6-8 a month because of my busy schedule. I sometimes feel as though he interrupts our time on purpose. He also knows I don't care for the amount of drinking they used to do, and often invites him over to drink & has a hard time accepting my boyfriends answer if it's no to alcohol. After our time together, when we review the photos, he is always staring at my boyfriend. There are times where my boyfriends phone has died & he asked his friend to text me on his behalf, and he doesn't.

When I arrive if they are together, his friend doesn't acknowledge me & appears very uncomfortable when my boyfriend and I kiss, hug or hold hands. He is a nice guy, and recently started dating a woman. She and my boyfriend share the same name! He doesn't always just pay attention to my boyfriend, a few occasions he has tried to grab me in places he shouldn't after a few drinks or said inapppropriate innuendos, my boyfriend has even contemplated confronting him about his passes at me. Is he trying to break us up, or am I being too analytical?

[Oliver2011]

Is he trying to break you up or are you trying to end their friendship?

You are being way too analytical. If the best friend is gay, let him be gay. It is none of your business. If he isn't, let him be him with the quirks he has. It has nothing to do with you. The best friend may not like you at all. You can't control that. Your boyfriend is allowed to have a good time with or without you there. So allow that and that will make your time with your boyfriend that much more meaningful.

[lovemynavy22]

Your main concern should be if your boyfriend is gay or not!

[Steelwalkerwife]

I certainly don't feel like I'm trying to end their friendship, albeit as odd as it is. I would dare to say that on occasion I have recognized myself as being too analytical, and may very well be in this instance. If he is gay, I'm fine with letting him be gay, I have several of my own gay friends. My larger concern was whether he was trying, purposely to cause friction between myself and my boyfriend because he doesn't seem to like that we spend time together. There are many other "flags" that come to mind, but all of them fairly easily dismissed by themselves, however when I add them all of up, it seemed rather unusual.

I don't want to control whether his friend likes me. However, I will say that in a dynamic of boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend... it is certainly much easier when alll parties are amicable. I use the term boyfriend/girlfriend loosely, we are about to combine residences & have talked extensively about a future marriage. This man is going to be in my life & my children's lives for what I hope is an eternity, so getting along with his closest buddy would be ideal.

Here's to hoping him having his own girlfriend will ease what appears to be his jealousy towards me.

[Oliver2011]

Isn't odd in the eye of the beholder really? They are probably just very comfortable around each other and not threatened by their behavior. My best friend is very straight. We have been best friends for about 13 years. Every time we part from a night out he kisses me on the cheek. It is just something we do and it has become a huge joke between us.

I would just allow them to be friends and don't be threatened by it until there is actually something to worry about. I agree with you on the if all parties liked each other it would be much better, but you can't control that. It could happen in time I guess. Maybe you should just continue being nice and he might come around.

[tickle]

Your main concern should be if your boyfriend is gay or not!

OP has not given any indication that she thinks this. You have missed the point.

[Homegirl 50]

The best friend may be gay and so might your boyfriend. What I don't understand is why, if this friend is touching you in inappropriate places, your boyfriend is only contemplating approaching him. Now that would be my question. Just my opinion.