[KevinHardly]

And for heaven's sake stop crying!

I don't know if you've ever felt like I do, plus the fact that I'm only 17 years old, crying hardly seems like an option sometimes.

You really need mental help! I'm not going to waste any more time with you because you believe a 13 year old made an adult decision like this when raped by a 19 year old. I hope your girlfriend gets tired of your tirades and finds someone who feels sorry for her and supports her.

Real Educator type thing to say thank you. I hope you realize that all you've done here is tell me I need help (seeing I'm at ASK ME HELP DESK I knew that), and tell me my girlfriend was statutorily raped. Both I already knew, and neither have anything to do with the 5 little summarizing questions at the bottom for people who A. didn't read it all, or B. Simpletons. I suggest reading those questions before you say anything else because you neither acknowledged, or answered any of them.

[teacherjenn4]

Real Educator type thing to say thank you. I hope you realize that all you've done here is tell me i need help (seeing im at ASK ME HELP DESK i knew that), and tell me my girlfriend was statutorily raped. both i already knew, and neither have anything to do with the 5 little summarizing questions at the bottom for people who A. didn't read it all, or B. Simpletons. I suggest reading those questions before you say anything else because you neither acknowledged, or answered any of them.

17 is a child, so don't begin to tell me about how we have answered your questions. You need to see a counselor or a psychologist. That is all of our answers. You need help.

[Wondergirl]

We cannot help you. You need to find a real-life counselor who will help you understand that this young woman was raped. Her "agreeing to" it has nothing to do with anything.

[KevinHardly]

17 is a child, so don't begin to tell me about how we have answered your questions. You need to see a counselor or a psychologist. That is all of our answers. You need help.

Ya that's why I'm at askmeHELPdesk.com Thanks again. Please go waste someone else time by ignoring any actual question they have.

[J_9]

Look dude, what happened before you is essentially none of your business.

Have I felt like you? Sure, but that was 30 something years ago.

I'm currently married with 4 children and 3 grandchildren. My husband doesn't know all of my past, nor do I know all of his. It's no one's business.

It's best if you stop having sex with her for the time being since you can't get her past out of your head. Also, let me point out the risk of pregnancy no matter what precautions you take. You aren't mature enough to handle a relationship with someone who has a sexual past, no matter the history, thus you are not mature enough to take care of a child.

[KevinHardly]

I. Get. That. She. Was. Raped. Now if you'll take a moment to read the questions at the bottom of my post, and answer one of those, you know the ones I asked in the first place, ill be glad to read that. Otherwise, stop wasting my time telling me things I already know. Yes a counselor in real life would be fantastic, too bad I can't create one with my hands.

[Wondergirl]

We obviously can't help you since you refuse to listen to reason from three professionals online. You must sit down with a real-life counselor to finally understand that this young woman was cruelly emotionally abused and raped, and that you are doing her absolutely no favor by having her relive it. She needs counseling too.

That's how you can answer all your questions, with real-life counseling.

[teacherjenn4]

Ya thats why im at askmeHELPdesk.com Thanks again. please go waste someone else time by ignoring any actual question they have.

We tell people what they need to hear. We tell people to go to doctors. Get help like you've been told. No one has ignored your question. Read our answers. We've given you answers.

i. get. that. she. was. raped. now if you'll take a moment to read the questions at the bottom of my post, and answer one of those, you know the ones i asked in the first place, ill be glad to read that. Otherwise, stop wasting my time telling me things i already know. Yes a counselor in real life would be fantastic, too bad i can't create one with my hands.

Go to your school nurse or counselor and ask for help.

[J_9]

A. How do I deal with her awful past without becoming depressed? You break up with her because you cannot handle the truth of her past. You aren't mature enough for that yet.
B. How do I get these terrible images of her licking another mans seed off her lips, and consciously choosing to swallow it out of my head? Again, move on. You aren't mature enough to handle her sexual past.
C. How can I let her know that I never have, and never will see her as tainted or defiled after I basically told her I thought of her that way when I'm alone sometimes (which probably makes me the worst person ever)? But you DO think of her as tainted or defiled otherwise you wouldn't be so tormented.
D. What should I do about the guy who has caused me, and the love of my life a great deal of emotional pain, when all I WANT to do is beat him nearly to death and finish on his face to see if he likes it more than her? You do nothing. It is none of your business.
E. How do I keep this pain from being a barrier from loving her unconditionally? You don't. It's too late. You've crossed a line that should never be crossed.

There. I've answered your questions. Although I doubt you will agree.

We aren't here to tell you what you want to hear. That's what your friends are for. We are adults here, with children your age or older. We are here to show you the truth no matter how it hurts.

[KevinHardly]

Look dude, what happened before you is essentially none of your business.

Have I felt like you? Sure, but that was 30 something years ago.

I'm currently married with 4 children and 3 grandchildren. My husband doesn't know all of my past, nor do I know all of his. It's no one's business.

It's best if you stop having sex with her for the time being since you can't get her past out of your head. Also, let me point out the risk of pregnancy no matter what precautions you take. You aren't mature enough to handle a relationship with someone who has a sexual past, no matter the history, thus you are not mature enough to take care of a child.

That's just where I'd have to simply disagree. I'd like to honestly thank you for actually giving me some helpful points, unlike the rest of the posters, but (I know I'm young and stupid but hear me out) I feel like we're one person. We both want to know every little thing about each other, and she knows about my sexual history too, only it's a lot more normal. I'd agree that having sex at our age probably isn't smart, but we also probably won't stop. I think true love (at least in my eyes) is being on the same level with someone emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Taking in everything about them. They're insecurities, they're emotions, and yes they're body, whilst also giving them everything you have, including your pasts. Your past defines you as a person, and I like to know what's made such an amazing person.

[Wondergirl]

And, like I said earlier, we are professionals from three different areas, nursing and teaching and counseling. You have hit the jackpot with advice from AMHD.

Originally Posted by KevinHardly
I like to know what's made such an amazing person.

She disgusts you, so how amazing is that?

[KevinHardly]

A. How do i deal with her awful past without becoming depressed? You break up with her because you cannot handle the truth of her past. You aren't mature enough for that yet.
B. How do i get these terrible images of her licking another mans seed off her lips, and consciously choosing to swallow it out of my head? Again, move on. You aren't mature enough to handle her sexual past.
C. How can i let her know that i never have, and never will see her as tainted or defiled after i basically told her i thought of her that way when im alone sometimes (which probably makes me the worst person ever)? But you DO think of her as tainted or defiled otherwise you wouldn't be so tormented.
D. What should i do about the guy who has caused me, and the love of my life a great deal of emotional pain, when all I WANT to do is beat him nearly to death and finish on his face to see if he likes it more than her? You do nothing. It is none of your business.
E. How do i keep this pain from being a barrier from loving her unconditionally? You don't. It's too late. You've crossed a line that should never be crossed.

There. I've answered your questions. Although I doubt you will agree.

She told me about this guy when we first started dating before I ever questioned anything about her past, so she made it my business. She told me that he hurt her, and I feel like it's unfair. That's a very immature caveman-like emotion to want revenge, and an equal amount of pain for him, but what other option is there? Brush it off?

[odinn7]

So from reading that mess of your first post, I see that you 2 have been together for under 2 months... this is some way to be acting. You took a girl that had been mentally and emotionally manipulated by an adult and made her relive the whole thing and you blame her for it... nice.

Then you want us to somehow help you get past this mental issue you have over this... to help you make her understand that you don't think of her as defiled although you really do... you want us to help you get over her "awful past" when the thing you should be doing is comforting her for it and not blaming her... The whole thing is absolutely stupid.

You should leave her so she can find someone that will think about her and not them self.

[KevinHardly]

She disgusts you, so how amazing is that?

Clearly I used words with WAY too negative of a connotation. Let me rephrase. Sometimes when I think about the day she lost her virginity, I think she's been, changed? I guess. She's been used by someone and its like an "UGG" feeling. She FAR from disgusts me I don't know if you read I was having sex with her roughly 8 hours ago so. Bottom line I want to spend the rest of my life with her without a doubt. She's made me happy when I've been sad for the majority of my life due to my own family history. She makes me want to be better, and be the best at everything in the world just so she could have everything she wanted.

[Wondergirl]

No, she didn't "lose her virginity." She was raped.

I am the one who broke up that dense mess of your first post into paragraphs and corrected the spelling. I was nearly sick to my stomach by the time I finished reading your awful condemnation of her -- and your concern for YOUR mental health.

[odinn7]

Honestly, I think this should be closed. He doesn't get it, never will, and he's combative... and the more I read of him trying to rationalize how it is OK that he acts like this, the sicker I become.

[Wondergirl]

Honestly, I think this should be closed. He doesn't get it, never will, and he's combative....and the more I read of him trying to rationalize how it is ok that he acts like this, the sicker I become.

Great minds think alike. I was just ruminating about closing this thread. There doesn't seem to be anything else we can say to him.

[KevinHardly]

I realize making her relive it was selfish, stupid, and hurtful. I apologized for it, and she told me I can't help the way I feel, it's not all my fault. She's so sweet and kind, and I just don't want to picture her "being raped" by that guy anymore. I've been a really crappy boyfriend the last few days, but it's only because I want everything in our lives to be perfect forever. I want to love her endlessly, and I want her to know I'm all hers forever, but my mind is just killing me

Feel free to close the thread, some of you have given me insight, and made some valid points. Odinn7 really made it clear that I've been acting very wrong, and I shouldn't be talking to her for help. I do need a counselor and I thought this could give me council.

[odinn7]

It's real life... things are never going to be perfect... especially "perfect forever". The sooner you realize that, the better off you will be.

[KevinHardly]

I do comfort her and tell her everything will be okay, but that doesn't take these images out of my head, and I hate thinking about them.